Thank God

 

Hi Guys,

How is everyone today? All I can say, is where the time go? 

Each day, they seem like the time just flies by and I'm unable to get anything BIG done. But it's doom scrolling. It's a thing and for me, it's a huge problem.

Let me just say this though. This not related to dicey icy. A 7 year old girl got off the bus yesterday in a city that is about 30 north of me, northwest maybe, not sure. Anyways, no one saw her after that.

Wow. The communities came together in a major way, so did law enforcement.

Long story short, they found the girl and the man who abducted her. He is of no relation to the family and details are scant right now so I don't want to report anything that could be false.

I honestly am not trying to make this political because it is NOT. The most important thing is the child and her family. But I'm glad the guy is white. And I hope they lock him up and throw away the key.

I am so grateful she is safe, that she is home. Just so grateful. I saw many parents this morning waiting out at bus stops on my way to get gas. 

That's just how it should be. It makes you realize that even with all our technology, these horrible things can still happen but...it's harder to get away with it indefinitely too.

Other than that, I'm trying to just be "on it" today. It took me until 2PM yesterday to get off my damn phone. It's 11:41, and I've picked up on one of my projects, one I started last night.

I am going to try and stay off my phone until I finish.

It requires making a bit of a mess but as things get organized, the mess will be gone.

Anything to keep my brain from racing. 

I hope you are all doing OK.

Put down your phone today...I mean, if it's a problem for you, put down your phone because it took me actively trying to do this repeatedly yesterday to figure out how deep this shit goes with me.

And it freaked me the fuck out.

OK, have a great day.

Be Blessed.

Go in Safety, Love & Light,

Neecie 

No Couch Attachment

Good Morning!

Ok, well, this morning I am having pain. It's not acute. I'm pretty sure this is the same pain I get from time to time. It's on the right hand side, just below my waist line and it's radiating to the same place in front. Me thinks I pulled a muscle while sleeping. I sleep in all kinds of strange positions, in an effort to get comfortable.

Also, gosh I hardly talk about this anymore, but instead of the IBS-D symptoms I deal with on the daily, I am constipated.

Huh?

That could be the cause of the pain too I suppose. So not the norm for me.

I'm forcing the issue with 8 glasses of water a day and I put the tiniest bit of limeaid in my water because straight water drives me batshit crazy. Plus I add magnesium powder to 3 cups of water that I drink daily and then I add one packet of electrolytes to another 3 cups of water that I drink and then...I drink one straight cup of water first thing when I wake up and I bring one to bed with me in case I wake up thirsty.

I had an interview this morning. It went well but I'm guessing I'm up against at least 50 people. And then there's the whole second interview thing, which drives me cuckoo. Can y'all just hire someone?

Ugh, I get it.

So hurry up and wait.

I guess on a personal note, I'm glad that I seem to be capable of movement again, not attaching myself to the couch the last few days. It's noon and I basically have 7 hours to be productive until I give myself my evening facemask, shower and read until bedtime.

I did not get up at 5 like I had hoped to this morning but I did get to bed at nine. The reason I didn't get up at 5 is because I woke up at 1:30ish and was up til almost 4 so I allowed myself to sleep in until 7.

When I got home from my interview, I met another of my neighbors. I saw him getting out of his car, so I introduced myself and told him where I live and let him know that he, his wife and their baby are welcome in my home.

He was so nice. Oh my gosh, so very, very nice.

We do what we can, where we can.

Alright, well, I could bitch about the scary things in my life...money, that kind of thing but why bother. We got some food finally. It's not a lot but should keep us for the week.

I hope you all have a great day. Freezing but sunny. If you can't bear to get out in it, by all means, stand in front of your window for a time, take it in, it's so flippin' good for you.

May you go in Safety, Love & Light,

Neecie
 

No More Mega-Naps

Hi Guys,

Well I start today's entry with good news. Someone I know who was fighting cancer is not only cancer free but finally got his feeding tube and chemo port taken out.

The Gods are Good!!!!!

Hail!

I am not just starting my day but I did only get 3 hours of sleep last night and I do believe I know what the problem is; it's called mega-napping in the late afternoon and drinking coffee after 3. Here's the deal. Coffee only affects my sleep sometimes. It seems that when coupled with a power nap, it affects me.

And so I want to stop both. I have a big list of to do's for the day but it's just a list. I've stopped giving them power. But if I have any actual goals for the day, it's to not napping and it's no coffee.

I could do decaf but seriously? Is it that deep and also seriously, that's just more money I don't have.

I feel good about yesterday and the fact that I was more active than I have been in awhile but I will say this too, man, am I hard on myself.

I'm focusing as much as possible on my wins.

I'm also forcing myself to go into stores to get food. This week I can only spend $20 on food so it's gonna be a lot of bean dishes but whatever. 

I'll be thin and farting!!

But my point is...I'm going in. No more pick ups. I know people my age who can't do what I can. I've talked about use it or lose it, ya know? I don't wanna lose shit.

So, yeah.

Interview tomorrow.

Movement and action today.

This week's intention word is action.

And here are my wins from yesterday:

I hope you all stay warm today. If you are out there on the front lines, take breaks to get in your car and warm up, stay hydrated, eat warm food and stay safe.

Have a wonderful day.

May you go in Safety, Love & Light,

Neecie
 

Finding Your Place

 

Hi Everyone,

So here we are, Sunday.

The days all run together when you're not working and you're struggling to maintain through anxiety and depression and what have you.

Tonight is a new moon. I finally went down the rabbit hole of what exactly is a dark moon and is it the same as a new moon and I think I'm getting a good grip on it. Tonight, I need to do ritual around what I want to manifest and bring to myself.

I'm out of so many supplies but not all, I'll just have to make do.

Anyways, guys, I am so proud of my state right now and how people are stepping up. Being a warrior looks different for everyone. We so often look to the ones on the streets, getting in the faces of the oppressor, being willing to physically fight if we must but I'll tell you what, I am seeing so many kinds of warriors, people gathering and creating donation centers, people offering rides and bringing food to people to scared to come out. Right now the only thing I am doing is keeping my phone charged and went I'm out on errands, watching. If I stop somewhere and I see a person of color, I watch to make sure they get out of and into their car safely, I have my phone camera ready to go. Yesterday, my daughter and I saw 3 city cop cars at a coffee shop and we turned around and went through the parking lot to try and detect if there was anyone other than real cops there.

You do what you can. 

I'm going to tell you something else that came up in a conversation I had with someone. If you have family members that are mixed, if you have family members that are LGBTQ=, don't write about or post it unless you have their express permission. You could potentially, even down the road, being handing them to certain groups of an unsavory nature.

Supporting people of color, supporting immigrants, supporting lgbtq+, is honorable but keep it at that. Let people who want to be out, loud and proud, choose that for themselves and even if they are, it's still not your place to assume it's OK to post about them without asking them directly first.

I feel a bit differently about protestors because they are there and know they'll likely be filmed or caught on camera. But specifics? Nope.

Protect your people; your family, your friends, your community.

Trying to find your place in all of this can be daunting. Write it all out, what are you scared of, what can you personally do and still maintain your sense of security and safety. It's OK to be cautious. For many of us, this is a baby steps kindof thing.

Maybe not your beliefs, those may strong, firm, unshakeable and non-negotiable but your actions can be a totally different thing.

I'm not an analytical thinker but I am working on it. And with analytical thinking comes strategic thinking. You have to define what that is for yourself and it may change over time but take those moments to think clearly or to release your emotions in whatever way you can. High emotion leads to bad things and we are all there, we are, but take time to rest, to temper those emotions and give yourself grace. You can be mad again and furious and ready to tear shit up and burn it down, in 5 minutes.

I'm saying take good care.

To our people out there protesting, loud and proud and in some cases, with hysterically funny humor...thank you. 

I hope to join you soon.

I hope everyone has a great day.

Be Blessed.

Go in Safety, Love & Light,

Neecie

Katniss

You Up?

It’s 3:28AM. Per the norm this week, Y’girl is up. I’m going to try and get back to sleep and shall return when I wake back up.

Woke up a little after 8. Man. 

So. I think I deactivated my Facebook. I tried. I only want it shut down for the weekend.

I need to chill the fuck out. Like I’m having dreams of going Katniss Everdine. Little, chubby, old me…Katniss. Doesn’t quite match up. 

In addition to staying off my social media, I also need to stay off my phone.

It gives me agita.

I am going to do whatever I want this weekend and as selfish as this is, I’m going to allow myself to pretend that I’m ok, that this state is ok, that the country and the world are ok.

I will lose my shit if I don’t. 

I’ve been thinking a lot about dying. I’m not suicidal, no need for wellness checks. Just dying. Im trying so hard not to be fatalistic. Or dramatic. Keep in mind that I have a diagnosed mental health disorder that has BIG FEELINGS as one of its main symptoms and of those symptoms, anger being the most common.

Add to that, generalized depression and anxiety and then add to that an evil regime descending upon my neighbors; killing, abusing, torturing and well…are we really surprised that Neecie is having big feelings?

For the most part, I’ve actually gone numb. I have bouts of numbness followed by outbursts on my FB page, followed by numbness, followed by tears and visions of what they’ll do to all of us, followed by anger…you get the gist. Is it jist or gist? Looked it up, it’s gist!

Today I learned how to spell agita and gist.

I have agita, anxiety, tummy issues, you get the gist.

There you go.

Ok well anyways, yeah, the dying thing.

I’ve been making some deep dives into the what if’s. And I thought about people who are no longer in my life and I came to the conclusion that there really is only one person who, if I died, because of fighting the empire or just dropping dead of a heart attack, that I feel I owe an amends to and so I did that.

And my load feels a little lighter. There is one person I need to, not forgive, because I only bestow that on people who apologize and ask for it, but to let go of and I think I have painted her as this evil Medusa type character and if you want to know the truth, Medusa had some issues of her own, if you know the mythology. She wasn’t innocent, but she also didn’t deserve what she got.So I started by writing down some things, you know are there any good qualities? 

Because I haven’t sat down and actually given this a lot of time, so far I have only come up with one, which is that she can be hilariously funny, even wickedly so.

My goal is not to forgive, but to let go and I have talked about that many times so this doesn’t even need any more written about it for now.

So I think that energy is good energy and I think that’s a good way to have a weekend.

Sometimes when you are overwhelmed, you need to take yourself out of a situation if you can. Even the Samurai spent time each day in meditation. To think analytically and to remove emotion from situations is the best way to come up with strategy.

And so that’s gonna be the beginning of me finding my place in everything going on.

I hope you too, have a great weekend.

Go in Safety, Love & Light,

Neecie

Shame Shame Go Away

Good Morning!

First of all, I’m getting a little more traffic over here and in my analytics, I’m able to tell that some of it is being generated from my YouTube channel, which continues to grow slowly, but steadily in subscribers. I just wanna say thank you for that. I struggle with so much shame you guys, so much shame over what I’m going through right now, and that this is nothing new.  I have this great desire to take care of business and get things on track, but it is at the mercy of money. The almighty dollar. Which let’s face it, if we’re honest, isn’t so mighty anymore.

Yet I continue to be filled with gratitude for the beautiful things people continue to do for me. I’ve talked about the fact that my life has been one of receiving. There is humility in a good way and gratitude with that, but there is also a shame. So I have to remember that when I do have money, I’m generous with it. Not stupidly so but I give where I can because it’s important. And it gives me kind of like a debit and credit situation in my head when I get upset or feel bad that people are helping me, I can remind myself while I did this for so-and-so when I could, and I did this for so-and-so when I could. It really helps. 

I did have some conversations via text because of the whole cleaning up my Facebook page thing. I cannot have anyone on there anymore who I don’t trust. My mental health is so all over the place right now, and I am just trying to heal, and find some strength to get through This part of my life, and the Facebook thing is so heinous and so is social media and I just thought I’m getting rid of anyone who feels unsafe. Some of the people I deleted, I will definitely still keep in touch with. I just don’t want them on my social media.

Anyways, today, I am hoping, praying for some kind of productivity in my life.

So on that note, I hope you all have a good day. If you are out there in public, please be safe.

And I wish you a wonderful day.

May you go in Safety, Love & Light,

Neecie

Tears

Hi Everyone,

Yesterday and last night were very hard for me. We are being threatened with the internet being taken away and you know…part of me thinks, “Well good. It’s become a trash pool anyways.” But we all know it would be a blatant attempt to spin one narrative and one only. 

If this does happen, keep your phone charged at all times, record everything.

I deactivated my old FB because I don’t have time to go through every single person’s page and try and figure out if they are someone I want on my page or not.

I spent the night in tears as I went through my current page and got rid of individuals I have loved deeply but now have had to get rid of.

People who have helped me. 

That doesn’t escape me. It’s horrific.

I just want to feel some sense of safety in a world that has become very unsafe.

I’m not so stupid that I think FB is safe just because I get rid of individuals.

Be smart peeps because the next steps are a shutdown of the internet, military and then they’re gonna come for “us.”

Those of us who dare to speak out and against. Those who are of color, those who are lgbtq+, those who have mental health issues or are autistic, developmentally challenged.

It’s bad.

My heart hurts right now.

So yes, I deleted people I know have opposing views, people who I don’t know their views, and I cried the whole time.

Life changed in a moment. It’s our turn.

But in spite of my fear, I would never say, “Tag, you’re it,” to anyone else. No one deserves this.

Go in Safety, Love & Light,

Neecie

Direct Sunshine

Hi Everyone,

I’m sorry I keep either forgetting to post or post late in the day. Honestly, I forget. It’s weird. This kind of thing is happening more and more.

There’s to much going on in the world; the big world, this country world, this state world, this county world, my fucking world. 

Blah blah blah, fucking blah.

I did get out into the wide world today. I did get some of the bright sunshine directly on my face. It’s been awhile.

I don’t have much today. Everywhere I went, I saw Chinese Food places closed down and the stores I went into, I asked before I went in, do you support ICE?

What new world we live in. Each day brings more change. 

People are experiencing fear, change, anger, hatred - like extreme levels of it on a daily basis.

I have an interview tomorrow. I told the Gods I demand one of these jobs. I gave in and watched another NDE video and the guy was saying that you can demand what you want. You know, from the ones beyond. The ones who sent us here to live this strange deal called life on earth. Yeah, I sound crazy. I’m at the point where I’ll try any fucking thing.

Show me the money.

I’ll be back tomorrow AM, promise.

Until then,

Go in Safety, Love & Light,

Neecie

New Reality

Hello,

You guys, this month has, well I should say the last month so December and January, have been the worst months of all of this. I just cannot seem to move. Maybe one or two days I’ve had a great day and the rest is all this conundrum of depression, fear, sadness, confusion, feelings of being overwhelmed, hopeless, and helpless. It’s hard times right now.

I was talking to someone today and he said to me,” In all times of peace, it was proceeded by war and horrific acts.”

And he is so right. And it scared me all over again, but to be truthful, this is someone who has the same beliefs I do and I do not broadcast my beliefs because the bottom line is people are already convinced, and they believe what they believe. I am someone who wants to know the whole story, I am someone who wants to look at all the facts before reacting emotionally. That is something new for me, it really is. I went through DBT therapy to learn how not to react from a place of emotion But as close to analytical thinking as someone like me can get.

And that pisses everyone off unless they’re like me. There are very few people I can share this with because of the heightened beliefs and reactions in vitriol and hate.

I am scared. I am scared for people. I love and I am scared for myself. I am scared for this country. It’s OK to say that I’m scared. It’s OK to admit that to myself. False valor and bravado will not get me anywhere. There may come a time, and it may come sooner than later, that I will have to take up arms and do what I have to to protect me and mine and when I say mine, I am not just talking about my family, my property and my animals, I am talking about my friends in my community.

Man has always been at odds with man and man has always strive for power and control and glory in battle. It sends me because we are so capable of grace, love, empathy and kindness, but those are rarely traits that are celebrated. I don’t think it’s weak, I think it takes so much mental strength to error on the side of decency.

All the things going on right now are very highly charged things, they evoke emotions like fear, and I have talked about fear before and what happens when we react from that place. But none of that matters if people are unwilling to face that about themselves, none of that matters if people are unwilling to compromise on some of their beliefs, and I just don’t see that happening.

I am scared and I am worried and I am finding my place in this.

But in this time, right now, I have to survive, and I have been hanging on desperately for months now, trying to pay my rent, trying to have food, trying to pay my bills, and I need that to change. I have made peace with the fact that I will be getting a second job, and that that second job will go towards my credit card debt, my personal debt, and the one big loan that I have. And as soon as those things are paid off, I will quit my part-time job.

This has to be my focus unless I am put into a position where I have to fight and I have to fight now and I will fight if it comes to that. I will fight. I will act on the side of decency.

I am probably not going to just miraculously not be scared anymore, but I do think that what this has all done to me is not good either and that it’s almost like in a way I feel like I’m fighting for my life right now because my mental health is so bad. 

At the end of the day, as long as my kids are OK and I have my cats with me. Then nothing else fucking matters. None of it; not the debt, not an eviction, none of it.

That’s all I have today because today was yet another day of very little movement forward. And I can’t take this anymore. And the place that I am at with everything going on right now is not the place that most people are at, most people are divided, and I’m one side of the fence or the other. I am not being ambivalent, nor do I have my head in the sand. I am paying close attention. I am doing what I feel is the right thing to do, I’m taking baby steps in that, but I’m Denise and I’m just finding my place in this new reality.

Go in Safety, Love & Light,

Neecie

Potentials

Good Morning/Afternoon,

Trying here! Trying to push through. It’s so sunny I almost don’t know what to do with myself. I woke up at 3 last night and started thinking about everything going on and I just cried. It’s so sad. I felt so safe as a kid and even into my adulthood, you know, regardless of who was President, even if I didn’t like them.

But no more.

Not safe at all.

I finally got back to sleep at around 5. It’s good to cry but not to dwell. 

I did, for anyone who started wondering the same thing, talk to my apartment management today. I wanted to know since we are a secured building, if a certain group of folks demand entry, will they give it to them and then, if they do, and people don’t answer their doors, will they provide this group of individuals access to actual apartments. I was told yes, they will let them into the building but no, they will not provide access to individual units.

So you should ask.

Also, it was brought to my attention that in some cases, they’ll pull the building fire alarm to try and get people out.

If the alarm goes off, you should contact management immediately.

Just thought I’d throw that out there.

You guys, who thought it would come to this and who thought it could ever come to what it potentially will.

But potentials are the unknown. Be aware and prepare as best you can is what I would say.

And live your life the best you can.

Interview is at 2:30 today.

I need this part of my life to be over soon. Please send good juju, prayers, light, what have you.

I really would be so grateful for that.

Go in Safety, Love & Light,

Neecie

Little Rewards

Hi Everyone,

Miss LazyAss 2026 here.

That’s my special talent. Lazy Assedness.

I have an interview tomorrow. At least I think I do. She emailed me at day’s end giving me options and I chose tomorrow at 8:30 but she never responded. So I guess we’ll see if my phone rings.

But I’m sure she’ll email if not.

I’m preparing. 

Our weather here is pure shite. Day after day of clouds, most days it’s warm enough for melting, followed by a freeze at night or the next day, maybe peeks of sunshine but not much.

Last week, I met with a friend for coffee and she is just so precious. Today, I took part in a zoom type call that some friends of mine do monthly but that I have skipped for months. I’m glad I participated today.

I have been participating in very little of late.

Next Saturday, I’m going to see Wicked 2 with two of these gals. I have to figure out where to see the first one. 

I read the book and I saw the broadway production but now it’ll be the movie. On February 6th, I’ll be going to see Dracula 2025. I can’t wait.

Little rewards. The big ones will come.

Little.

And deep breaths.

And love myself…me…Denise.

Alright, I gotta go. 

Just wanted to check in.

Go in Safety, Love & Light,

Neecie

Ground Zero

Good afternoon,

I have kind of reached Ground Zero with what I’m going through. I’m sick of myself, but I have not been sick of myself enough to try and step up and change things. When this happens, it just happens so quickly, but it seems like each time I fall back into the depression or the inability to move, it gets worse. I have to nip this in the bud. 

It’s going to take something that I don’t have which is persistence. And perhaps a bit of willingness. I’ve talked about how making change is uncomfortable and for some of us, it’s emotionally painful. But it is not impossible. I think if I can just accept that, this is going to have some pain, you know, making even the simplest of changes at this point, is going to be painful, Then perhaps I can suck it up and do it. And I’m literally 100% sure that in the doing of these things, I will find that some of them don’t hurt at all. That I just had to push myself. 

I used points for a movie today and then I didn’t even go.

Sadness, disgust, heartache, all the things I feel about the world right now. Those feelings aren’t going to change reality. They are not going to change what is. Can someone be happy when the world is unhappy and crazy and violent?

I guess I’m going to find out.

That’s really all I have for today. I did speak with my Bestie for a couple hours and I did have a phone conversation with my sister and I’m grateful for both. I love my people.

I hope all of you are having and will continue to have a good day.

Go in safety, love& light,

Neecie

Inner Peace

Good Morning!

Oh big surprise, I am struggling again. Struggling to get going, struggling to wrap my head around human beings, struggling.

I wish I felt safe saying everything that is in my heart. Everything. But I don’t, because the world is not safe. Because what I have to say would piss off all sides of what’s going on. Nothing is black and white, but I am reacting as if it is.

That’s so sad and I think that’s what is hardest for me and all of this is that we think we are free, but really we are not.

So today, I don’t care. I’m gonna do me. I’m going to love Denise. Denise comes first today.

I truly believe that all inner peace comes from letting go of everything we cannot control. I am one person having one experience. Even if the universe waved a magic wand and made me president, I would be wrong on many things. I would like to think that I would try to direct this country in a way that benefited all, but really, it would be coming from my experience.

You cannot make everyone happy. And that’s where this division started. You have people who want 100% their way and there’s no give.

It just doesn’t work that way.

At least today, I am able to have some say in what goes on in my life so I am putting down my phone. And I’m gonna do Denise.

And so, on that note, I hope you have a good day.

Go in Safety, Love & Light,

Neecie

Ummmm...so When Are We Going to Do Something

 

Hello Folks,

Just going to put this out there, this is going to be a vent.

I'm literally crawling out of my skin right now. 

Look, I live in a suburb of Minneapolis and unless you live in a cave without Wifi, you know what down yesterday. But it's not even just that, there were other things that went down too.

This stuff is enough to drive a person crazy.

I could go on and on and on but I will let the people who are good at that, do so.

My point is, the outside noise is now louder than the inside noise and I'm at an internal standstill. I need to get a new license as mine expires this month. My car has not had an oil change in 2 years, I've just been dumping oil into it.

That leaves me with not even enough to pay the rest of my bills let alone my rent.

I can't fucking take this shit anymore.

I am at a point where...it's not good.

Am I applying for jobs? Yes, I am applying for jobs but trust me when I tell you that there are not many out there that pay enough to make my budget. Trust me when I tell you that ageism is a thing.

It's fucking terrifying what's happening with our economy. 

Honestly, take away my debt and it's still completely fucked.

But "affordability" isn't a thing and I have heard both sides of the political arena complaining about it. It's valid, it's officially "a thing."

And our country? When actually put to the task...fucking pussies, all of us. On both sides and even those of us who are no longer willing to align with any party.

It's unbelievable.

It's a nightmare.

So yeah, I'm going to cut this short because anger and fear are taking over again.

I'm going to go to go do something of value, even if it's something as simple as a walk or even a nap if only to forget all of this for a brief moment.

You can't make this shit up. 

I would say what I think a lot of us are wanting to say but...you know.

Gods save our country because it's going to hell fast.

Do what you gotta do folks.

For now, I will no longer say Be Blessed, but rather, Go In Safety, Love & Light,

Neecie

Making Allowances

Good Morning!

How is everyone today? I hope you are all good! If you are in MN, please be careful. We’ve got ice, LOTS of it. 

I send warnings out to my kids and my sister now. I have to much time on my hands now so I overthink things and I worry.

They all said they’d be careful.

I’m having a really hard time making any movement today. Crying. Feelings of hopelessness. Feelings of why even try? I don’t know why I cycle through this shit the way I do. I don’t even care why, I just wish it would stop. 

But I digress. I had a pretty good day yesterday. I stayed busy. But I realized some things; my idea of what I can get done in certain timeframes is WAY off. 

And I need to just suck it up and get out of bed. It’s so comfortable, lol. I want to just lay there!

And also, making allowances.

A friend of mine texted on her way home from work asking if she could stop by and I was so happy. Of course I said, “Yes! Com’on over!”

She’s going through some stuff. I could see it written all over her and coming off of her. Sometimes, when someone you love is really hurting, you wish so badly that you had a magic wand. That you could just whoosh all the bad stuff away.

But still, I was so glad to see her and it made me happy that I was someone she wanted to see when she was hurting.

I’m a lot less rigid about making the allowances but it’s also easier to make them when you’re getting things done otherwise.

So today, I’m going to hit what was left on yesterday’s list and if I can, I’ll get some of today’s done.

My 40th high-school reunion is coming up in August and that brings stuff up for me. The whole comparing myself to others thing. I have to let that go. I talked to a friend about the reunion, she’ll be here for it. I really hope I can convince my bestie to come too. I miss her so much.

Alright, well I am meeting a friend for coffee tomorrow and she’s a talker just like me so I need to get some things done today.

I hope you all have an amazing day.

Be Blessed and Carry On!

Love & Light,

Neecie

The Practical Side

 

Well, hello there.

How is everyone? Back to work I suppose for many of you who were able to take time off for the holidays.

The human part of me is grateful it's not me. The practical side knows it would be better to be going back.

Sigh, sigh, sigh.

I had a good day yesterday. I know I did some stuff but I'll be damned if I remember what.

I do have a very extensive list for today.

I am also currently timing my morning routine so that I know exactly how much time I need in the mornings to get ready before walking out the door.

We are at about an hour and a half right now. This includes everything; a walk, a mini-workout (I rotate days - weights, abs, weights, abs, weights and then reverse that the next week), skincare, haircare, getting dressed, feeding the cats and giving them fresh water, cleaning out their boxes, meditation, my breathing exercises, getting my food together and of course, blogging. Oh, and shooting a short.

So an hour and a half isn't bad. I will have to add in more time if I get a job where I have to look professional; just a quick make-up and hair sesh...up do's are quickest for me.

It's better than I thought it would be, being the ritualistic little girly I am.

Anyhoo, after that I have a list and I'm just gonna go until 5:00PM, which is when I will time my evening schedule.

It's going to be the same for every week night, except Wednesdays because I am going to start rollerskating on Wed. evenings because the music on Sunday sucks.

I feel good today.

I feel like I got this.

So here we go.

I hope you have a good day too.

Be Blessed.

Love & Light,

Neecie

"Up There"

 

Good Morning!

Well, yesterday's post is a great example of when I'm "up there" as I like to call it. Lots of energy, but no knowledge how to use that to my benefit. I'm not bi-polar so I have no idea what true mania feels like but days like yesterday, I assume it's sortof like a mimic mini-mania.

I don't like that feeling and it could be because I have leaned towards the morose most of my life and that it's much more comfortable for me to be a negative Nelly instead of a positive Polly. In other words, I can't handle being happy.

Happy is not my comfort zone. 

But then, you know, I've talked about experiencing this feeling of being content and peaceful and that to me, is a better kind of happiness. It's calmer.

That kind of happy I like but yesterday felt frenetic and kind of cray cray.

I also have ouches. 

I just cannot keep my hands off of myself.

Of all the weird mental health shit a person can have, and I do have, why did I also have to get this one? When I get a job with health insurance, the first thing I am going to do is to see a dermatologist. I would imagine at least one of these wounds will have to be lanced off and packed with antibacterial medicine.

It's that bad.

Ugh.

First paycheck I get, once I'm working again, I'm getting nails. It is literally the only thing that helps.

Anyways, I experienced a bit of a crash yesterday. I ended up napping and thus, did not sleep well last night.

But I also need to not be hard on myself because I did get some things done, things that needed to get done.

Something is better than nothing.

I am very, very close to having all my projects around the apartment done.

Yay.

I can't wait to report on that, that will feel amazing. Denise followed through on not one, but many, things.

Yay, rah, woot woot.

Whatever.

Ok, so I'm excited for today. 2nd Christmas! Back to my sister's to celebrate with my daughter and her husband. Second Christmas in a row that she has been sick on Christmas, but it's something to look forward to.

That, and of course, my sister's cooking. I don't know...she may have me beat. Girl can cook like a MF'er.

Yeah baby.

I'm going to go some things now. I hope you all have a great day.

Be Blessed.

Love & Light,

Neecie

The Looks On My Face

 Hello There,

Oooooo, the sun is out and let me tell you, it's a cold bitch out there but that sun man!

Yaaaasssss.

I knocked it out yesterday, setting those intentions.

I have more for today.

I just went for a walk down the halls of my apartment building. Still have my airpods on; blast from the past - Bay City Rollers, Oh Marlena. 

Everyday when I blog, Pumpkin comes and sits next to me. She's very interested in this whole computer business.

And know I'm dancing in my chair: Mary Jane Gang, My House. That song was controversial when it came out, cracks me up.

I'm happy and hopeful today and I think it's in part that I really got so much done yesterday and I got amazing sleep and the sun is shining. It's so much easier to have a good attitude when your house is clean and organized and you are accomplishing things.

Here's my short for today. 

The looks on my face for these shorts always cracks me up.

Ok, well, whatever this good juju is, Imma run with it now.

Hopefully, I'll still be feeling this way tomorrow and I'll be able to report much of the same.

Alright, you all have a good, productive day.

Be Blessed.

Love & Light,

Neecie

Setting My Intentions & Swearing

Well Happy Muthafuckin' New Years,

I struggle with shame over who I am and you know...I swear. It's one of the things I do. And...it's in my DNA, my makeup if you will.

So no more apologies for that. Be warned, I swear. I'm not for everyone and that's OK.

Ummm, so last night, I made the meal that mom made for us kids and I made my favorite Christmas time dessert.

And I watched Stranger Things.

It was epic. All of it. The food, the show, it was epic.

And today has no rhyme or reason to it, other than to simply set my intention for the year with actions. Everything I want to do this year, I am doing in some small way today.

We've got:

1. Physical - Exercise, Skin and Hair Care, and no picking. Also, all of the little things that I do that add up to better health; lymphatic massage, neti-pot, etc.
2. Mental - watching some ADHD videos, put one into effect today, will report later, meditation
3. Financial - Applying for jobs, updating spreadsheet for debt
4. Dreams and Goals: Organizing Willow's Whimsy file cabinet and making a new body butter, blogging, shot a short for YouTube
5. Cleaning: Just cleaning, whatever I get done, is just fine, but it's part of staying on top of things and staying organized. For me, a clean home equals a clean mind - meaning it fucking functions better
6. Downtime before bed (start going to bed at an earlier time again), reading, etc. no phone bullshit.

That's a little bit of everything I've been working on. 

Putting energy into all I hope to accomplish this year...into one day...to set an intention...that's a good start to what I hope will be a way less spastic year than this last one.

Okie, it's already 12:30 and things are moving along nicely but must keep going.

I hope you have a good day.

Happy New Year!

Be Blessed.

Love & Light,

Neecie