The Fall

Oh man, good morning!

I woke up at 3:39 and at 4, said fuck it and just got up. And I haven’t really done anything productive. What do you do?

I want to be a baller so bad. Just rip it out, knock’er out of the park, be a rockstar. But I’m tired.

I should hear today if I get the job at Menards. Within a month, my life will look very different. I’ll be working two jobs and I’ll be working on Willow’s Whimsy.

I did decide that I won’t quit the part time job until Willow’s Whimsy is making what I make at Menards (if I get the job). And even if that happens before my debt is paid off, I won’t quit until it is.

I’m talking every penny of it.

Because even though I’ll be making extra money at the part time gig, every single penny of that goes to debt. I won’t benefit materialistically from it.

I do want to take a short trip to Vegas next fall and a longer trip to Jersey so I can see my family.

I’ll fly to Vegas but imma drive in the dead of winter out to the east coast.

Maybe. We’ll see. If I do the East Coast trip, obviously I wanna see my mom and my sister and spend time with them, but I wanna get down to Southern jersey to see my auntie, to Delaware to see my other auntie and to Maryland to see my other sister and my niece and nephew. It’ll be a whirlwind, but a good one. 

I’m pretty much locked into having to take vacation time in our down season, which is anytime between mid November and mid March. They don’t say that, but you can tell they want us there when it’s the busy season and I get that.

And as for the other trips, the big kahuna trips as I like to call them, the ones where I would go overseas, those will come after the debt is paid off.

Because I want to go out with a bang, you know? Who knows if I’ll ever have grandkids and I’m just thinking, I’m closer to death than I am away from it and somehow, I am just praying that I get enough time to do some of the things I’ve dreamed of doing.

So backtracking to yesterday, I am struggling with a certain task at work and it’s the spreadsheet and then we have to do a tally and I get that most people would understand this. I eventually will because I’m someone who when I don’t get something, I’ll keep asking for help and then one day it’ll click and I’ll get it but it’s a conundrum and it involves numbers and counting and those are not my strong points.

If I could redo it in a way that made sense to me, that would be great, but that’s not Real Life. I have to figure this out.

Other than that, this week has gone very good and I am grateful that today is the last day and I get a weekend. If I get the job at Menards, they may ask me to come in for training tomorrow, I don’t know. I guess I’ll find out today if I get the job.

I came home from work yesterday, and my daughter was here with her Bestie and her besties son. They had done all the dishes, vacuumed the apartment, and cleaned my daughter’s room. I was so grateful.

And I remained grateful this morning as I got up and everything was in place and looked nice. That helps with the clutter in my mind so much.

I have paid attention to my behaviors this week and going into next week. There is going to need to be way more consistency. Consistency with what I eat and how I eat it and when I eat it, consistency with exercise, and consistency with my morning and evening routines.

I know that micromanaging my life is maybe not the best way to do things, but because I have been so lazy and so depressed and overwhelmed for the last four months, I feel like micro management is OK. There will come a time for spontaneity and some relief from all of this.

Right now, though, it’s go time.

I will focus on what I’m dealing with in each moment and not what I hope will come because often times, what comes is not what how we pictured it anyways.

But I also have come to see and believe, and have faith in the fact that what comes is usually better than what my plans are anyway.

Today I am grateful for the fall of Pam Bondi and in celebration of her fall from grace, I wrote this poem for her and put it on my Facebook:

Pam oh Pam

I just read the news

You’re out of a job

You’re singin’ the blues

You thought you were special

We thought you a fool

You thought you were badass

We thought you a ghoul

Now you have nothing

Can’t get your job back

Is your tongue brown and orange

From licking Donnie’s crack

You’re a merciless cow

A shrew mean and pasty

Better rethink your goals

Don’t be too hasty

For you are used goods

Donnie threw out his trash

Sorry not sorry

For your dethroning crash

I hope you learned a lesson

But I seriously have my doubts

I think you’ll find you’re a plague

And that bitch, you ain’t got no clout

Don’t let the door hit you on the way out Pammie.

SEE ya!

Lol.

I hope y’all have a great day!!

Be Blessed.

Love & Light,

Neecie

Forklift Fury

Good Morning!

Uffdah, I am so tired. I did sleep last night so that’s good. 

I had the interview for the second job last night, right after work. It was the fastest interview I’ve ever had. The gal I interviewed with is very nice but also matter of fact.

I’d be mostly reviving and stocking. And that’s what I want. Something that requires movement.

I should know by tomorrow.

The thing I find hilarious is that if I get it, I’ll have to learn how to drive a forklift.

Me…on a forklift.

Watch out, I might go rogue; just head out the doors and toot on down the highway.

It’ll be a slow cop chase, just like OJ. I’ll have cops from all surrounding counties following me down the highway. People will start posting stories about how they know or knew me.

Dying.

I guess I really should get moving. 

Job is going well. They really had me jump right in and I think with this kind of work, that’s the best way to learn.

Just do it.

Y’all I have pooped 4 times while writing this blog. It’s an IBS morning. Literally an figuratively.

Alright. Well the birds are starting to chirp, though it’s cold and dark outside. 

For anyone who has to drive this morning, please be careful. Rain and snow and all that kaka.

Just be safe.

New video published last night.

Please take a look and do all the stuff if you would; thumbs up, subscribe to my channel, smash the notification bell, comment, etc.

I appreciate you.

Have a great day.

Be Blessed.

Love & Light,

Neecie

Advocating For Me - For Success

Good Morning!

I’m tired. And last night I fell into my usual do nothing mode.

This is not good.

I know I’m too hard on myself and I know that it’s ok to have those down days but man…

This job is something else. I do ok yesterday until the end. Training is going to be an issue again but I will say this; the manager had an afternoon meeting with us and he thanked me because there were 5 appointments scheduled yesterday and they were all mine. So he shouted me out and that was great.

But I have to make a slew of calls at the end of the day and it was hard to remember all the steps that go with that.

And then she assigned me something new and expected me to run with it and it threw me off.

These girls work hard and I’m on board with that but I get scared to ask for help when I’m driwning and the lead keeps saying, “This is gonna be all you sooooo” and I’m fine with that but you gotta take enough time to help me learn and be successful.

I’ll get there. I have to put my shit aside and just advocate for myself the best I can but…

I’ll get there. I will. I’m determined.

I need to make up a sign that shows bills, you know my debt and write ZERO payment, all paid and I need to look at that and manifest it.

And if I hope to build my YouTube channel an my business into something I could do in place of a “real” job then there can be no sitting on the couch when I get home.

And maybe I have to look at YouTube and Willow's Whimsy as real jobs. Like, they could be. It's happened for other people.

Maybe do as much as I possibly can while working two jobs and if shit manifests, that's amazing, ya know?

And I am grateful.

The alternative to sitting on the couch after work is sitting on the couch all day in worry and stress. Can't do that. Not again.

I got this.

So there you have it.

I'm up, I have to put a bit more into getting myself ready this morning as I have the interview at Menards right after work.

And tonight? After the interview?

Self care only.

That's all I've got.

If you are reading this and you do not know about my YouTube channel, here's my latest long form video. Another one is scheduled to publish tonight.

PLEASE like the video and subscribe to my channel. I'm 12 subscribers away from 700 and that will be huge for me.

Thank you so much!!!

I hope you all have an amazing day.

Be Blessed.

Love & Light,

Neecie

Flexible

 

Hi Everyone,

Ok, first day was good but extremely overwhelming.  I am finding that when you are involved in sales of any kind, there are so many steps and that's what fucks me up and these girls are on top of it and I struggle with steps and forgetting and not understanding until I understand but I am trusting the process here.

Again, they were just all so very nice.

They are going to have me make calls today and that's a bit intimidating but it's baptism by fire so to speak and it'll get me in go mode fast.

I was flat out exhausted when I got home but yesterday was the last nice day we're going to have for awhile so I went on a walk and I at least got my food for today cooked and I did a Target run.

I did not shower.

I am realizing the need to be flexible here, and to really listen to my body. 

So yesterday, I got up and it was on and it was a great, productive morning prior to work. This morning, I did get out of bed on time but I'm still exhausted, which I think is normal given I haven't worked in a long ass time.

So I am still moving this morning but I'm also taking my time; no walk.

I meditated, I'll shower and I'm gonna clean up the kitchen.

And that's enough. One day on, one day off and on the day off (meaning intense morning routine), I'll still get stuff done but it'll be much lower key.

Another episode of My Story posted last night:

I haven't shot a short for the morning yet but will do that soon.

I have an interview tomorrow after work for Menards. They called. 

I can do this. Just watching those damn credit cards fall off will be amazing.

And knowing I'm paying off those personal debts too.

Fuck the loan, I mean I'm paying it but as long as the regular scheduled payments get made, I'm not worrying about it just yet.

Ok, well, I better get going now.

I hope you all have a great day.

Be Blessed.

Love & Light,

Neecie

Focus on Gratitude

Good Morning,

Ok, well let me start by saying I did all the things yesterday and it felt great.

I fell asleep good but had a time staying asleep until about 1:00. Then it was a straight shot through til my alarm went off at five. 

I got right up and I’ve been hitting my morning routine.

I am nervous about the job but also very grateful.

My focus always needs to be directed back to gratitude.

I still haven’t heard anything back from the part time job I applied for so I may have to apply for a different one.

I was thinking Ulta but that’s no good. I’d spend all my money. I may try Home Depot and/ or Lowe’s. 

But for now, I need to make a list of my evenings so I don’t crash out right away.

Ok, well so far so good.

I hope you all have a great  day.

Be Blessed.

Love & Light,

Neecie

Sunday Thoughts

Good Morning,

I was a lazy beast this morning but I did not go to bed until around 1:00. I actually did something yesterday and it was fun.

I drove out to my sister's place to feed her pup and to get her outside in case she needed to do her business and then I went to where my sister was and hung out with her and her friend for a bit. It was a fun. My sister was cracking me the hell up.

Then I went and got my daughter from where she was and yeah...I watched an episode of Grey's because I was too hyped up to sleep right away.

Look at this picture of my sister's beautiful, sweet girl and me. I love this so much.

My sister's dogs, Chatty and Trickle (who has crossed the rainbow bridge), always have been so happy to see me. It's like my son's pup, Trout (also crossed), they make you feel so loved.

I can't imagine not having that kind of love in my life.

You all know, I write about that love often but we spent some quality time together.

I was grateful for the change in routine. I feel better today and I think it's directly related to that.

I'm not going to write much more than that for today. I have so much to do to get ready for working this week.

This is it, ya know? Here we go.

Whenever I say here we go, it reminds me of a girl I went to grade school with. Her boyfriend would wait for her at the bus stop after school and we would all start singing, "Here we go Debbie, Here we Go". God, we were fucking assholes.

Assholes.

Alright, well I gots to go.

Bear with me this week as I navigate this new chapter, I may not be able to write as I get comfortable with my new schedule.

But at last. This is the beginning of the end of this recent chapter. 

Yes!

Ight. Have a great day.

Be Blessed.

Love & Light,

Neecie

Budget Blues

Helloooo,

Saturday. Next Saturday if I haven’t been hired for a second job yet, I will be so happy. I will have finished my first full week of work. Yay!

I’m tired this morning. I haven’t been wearing my Fitbit again. I don’t know if it’s laziness or just being frustrated with the whole sleep thing. 

I want one of those rings they have now. They have a cheaper one, one that’s not an Oura. Those Oura rings are so expensive and you also have to pay for the app on a monthly basis.

So when I looked at my budget and a payback schedule for all this debt, I technically don’t need to get a second job but I’m still gonna do it because my goal is to have all debt but the loan paid off by December 31st. You know, of this year.

The loan would take another year based on working part time as well as fulltime and I’m on board with 18 months of this shit but I have to stick to it my budget. I also believe that miracles can happen but you can’t live your life based on believing in them. I believe that manifestation comes when you back your vision with action.

My credit is fair right now but even with the payoffs of all this crap, it’s going to dip because I plan on getting rid of most of the cards as I go. Not all of them just in case there’s an emergency but the interest rate and fees on this stuff is ridiculous. The higher limit cards are the ones I’m planning on keeping but I’ll be calling and seeing if I can get the annual fees waived and the interest rates lowered and if they say no, then it’s by by cards.

The system is set up to keep us in debt and I need to make those fuckers my bitch instead of being the bitch.

It’s good to have a plan anyways.

Making bathbombs today.

Manifesting mula, no debt and enough money to have my poop in a group.

Yeah baby!

I got the budget blues going on baby

Got the budget blues so hard

Got‘em so bad wanna yell fuck it 

And kick’em in their budget ass nards

Aren’t I talented?

I hope you all have an amazing day.

Be Blessed.

Love & Light, 

Neecie