One Week, No Smokey Smokey

 

Hello Luvs,

This blogging thing and my morning sleep have been awful.

You know, in general, my actual amount of time asleep is so much better (with last night definitely being an exception to that), but even so, I do not want to get up in the morning.

One week not smoking.

Not gonna lie, it's been both easy and hard. What's hard is when my brain wants to act like a little kid and scream FUCK YOU at myself, I WANT A CIGARETTE. 

Those moments when they come, are intense and I almost always decide to smoke, except that I don't.

I'm already breathing easier. I love not smelling like a stink machine. I love watching my bank account stabilize, although now my fucking brakes went out.

I have to tell you that I really am over all this money shit.

I am over it.

I am tired of struggling and being scared all the time, I am tired of not being able to save money for events like my brakes going yet again. I go through brakes like an addict goes through crack. I'm not sure what that's all about. I honestly do not stomp on my brakes, I think it might be the faery thing, I really do.

People always nod and try to humor me when I talk about the fact that some of the members of my mother's side of the family have "faery blood."

I'm telling you it's true.

Anyways, how much more shit and how much more money that I don't have, am I going to continue to contend with?

Perhaps...just perhaps, Dear God, or whatever you are...could we stop slinging shit at Denise?

Like...seriously....stop.

That which does not kill us...can kill us.

I'm pissed off today.

I'm scared and overwhelmed and annoyed.

Alright, well, this is the first time I signed on to my account at work and I need to sign off asap. I don't want anyone seeing this blog, I'm just sick of not having enough time to post in the morning.

I finally achieved 800 subscribers on YouTube and just this morning, surpassed that.

I hope you all have an amazing day.

Be Blessed.

Love & Light,

Neecie

Not Sure What’s Up

Good Morning Loves,

I am trying to bring back the blog. I just haven’t been feelin’ it.

I missed a lot. Meaning missed writing about a lot.

I was in the hospital for a very short stay. We don’t know for sure what exactly happened. The general consensus seems to be that it was a panic attack but that something definitely was up with my heart at the time of the attack. The EKG readout looked dyslexic.

No further episodes but clearly it is also time to quit smoking, time to start drinking enough fluids, time to eat healthier, to exercise, etc.

So I quit smoking. I have two bosses invited loved in this scenario and they will not take no for an answer. There really and truly is no try here. Yoda was right. There is only do.

So I did it and I’m doing it and sometimes it sucks so bad but mostly, I’m handling it.

Yesterday, I made all my food for the week. I am very proud of that.

I have lists for every evening this week. That’s what I’m going for in addition to maintaining cessation of smoking.

Next week, we’ll be adding more in to the mix but a step at a time, yo.

Slow & Steady wins the race.

My sleep is like something out of a dream. I do indeed sleep now and I cannot recommend magnesium glycinate enough.

I did get some magnesium L-Threanate which is the magnesium able to cross the blood brain barrier because they say it helps with focus and the aging brain. 

Yes. So. This week, at least Monday through Friday:

Continue cessation of smoking

Eat healthy

Evening Schedule

The evening schedule includes things like exercise, cleaning, projects and a few other things, which I’ll share in a long form video or here if I actually follow through!!

That’s it, that’s all, that’s all I write about that.

Yeah, I’m sorry, I’m super tired. All of the sudden, wanting to sleep at my desk.

Better go and at least stand up for a bit.

Be Blessed!!

Love & Light,

Neecie

Stupid Ass

Hellur,

Man. I haven’t been into blogging and I apologize. 

I need to put my phone down and go live life. Seriously.

I talked to my bestie last night and it was really good. We decided to start a book club.

I’m so excited.

My sister and my mom want to be a part of it too so it’s guaranteed to be hilarious if nothing else.

It’s something I’ve always wanted to do. And my bestie has too so we decided since it can be hard to find one, eff it, we’ll start our own!

Yay!!

I see the attorney after work today and I’m gonna pay him with my rent money. I don’t know what else to do. A couple of my creditors have said they’re going to close my account and garnish my wages so…

I have no choice.

And so here we go.

Back down the rabbit hole.

Wah.

Life is what it is.

I didn’t win the stupid ass gopher five and that makes me mad.

I think I should win the lottery.

I really think I should win the lottery.

Whatever.

Onwards I go.

I hope y’all all have a great day.

Be Blessed.

Love & Light,

Neecie

Viking

Good Morning!!

All is well. I know people worry when I don’t ost but I had a crash this weekend.

I think it was inevitable.

What I can tell you, is that my daughter went back to work on Saturday and had a good shift and she is on the mend, still taking one of the antibiotics. She’s been very, very good about it.

But your girl here just faded out.

It’s OK, one for the books, right? Move on little soldier. Keep up the steady trudge.

Today I’m fine with the trudge.

There are things I have to do, there are always things I have to do and yeah, just gotta do them.

My big thing lately is I don’t want to die. I don’t want to die a smoker, I do not want to die overweight, I do not want to die poor and destitute. I don’t want to die without some kind of savings towards a funeral so my kids aren’t stuck with that shit. You can have a Viking burial up in Duluth.

I kind of want that. I mean I’m known for my kind of quirky personality in real life so why not go out the same way I lived.

Anyways, that’s all I got for today and I go on.

I hope you all have an amazing day.

Be blessed.

Love & Light,

Neecie

Hansel & Gretel

Hi Everyone,

Sorry for no posts. I’m crashing a little bit. Getting things done but crashing a little.

Super tired, more so than what’s normal for me.

I just do not want to get up in the morning. I just don’t. But get up I did, even took a shower. No makeup today but got here on time. All I can say is I’m really glad tomorrow is Friday. I’m coming to close to empty; you know, my own rhetorical gas tank.

Last night, I cleaned up some, did two loads of laundry. There’s always more. Laundry is the gift that keeps on giving.

My daughter is getting better and better. The big thing she’s struggling with is also tiredness. It can last a long minute.

I slept without the air on last night and I was still cold. I woke up at one point and my daughter had thrown all her covers off her, but I myself was freezing.

I probably will take a nap when I get home. I’ve been sneezing all morning…it could be allergies, a cold, or from the intense smoke that’s traveled down from the Boundary Water forest. 

Not good.

We’re baking.

Makes me think of Hansel and Gretel,

Alright I hope all of you are doing well.

Have a great day.

Be Blessed.

Love & Light,

Neecie

Turning Corners

Hi Everyone,

I’m having upset tummy rumbles.

I am happy to say we’ve turned a corner. My daughter didn’t really sleep last night but that’s because she slept all day yesterday. We’ve gone from cries of pain to giggles and funny memories. 

I would say that’s a plus.

She’s still not really able to eat. I suspect that will change today. She’s still fighting off a migraine but she’s susceptible to those anyways and she hasn’t had any coffee so there’s withdrawal from that. 

I’ve been giving her Excedren (sp) Migraine for that.

But the point is…she’s on the mend.

Wow, what a weekend.

My sister came out yesterday, my son came. It made me happy to have them with me.

So I know my daughter said this was a wake up call for her but it’s been one for me too.

Your health is nothing to take for granted.

I think it’s time to stop overthinking and just do.

I’m so relieved and happy. At some point, I’ll probably cry because when something like this happens, I’m very good at detaching and just doing what needs to be done.

I could’ve lost my girl.

It looks like she’s going to be ok. So I will be ok too. But I’m still a bit in survival mode with all of this.

So like I said, I’m sure the feelings will eventually be freed up and I’ll be able to process through that.

Thanks to everyone who helped, who supported and who reached out.

I appreciate you.

Have a great Sunday!!

Be Blessed.

Love & Light,

Neecie

What’s Important

Hi Everyone,

Rollercoaster of a day, yesterday.

Without specifics, my daughter is sick. By the time I brought her to the ER, her temp had spiked to 103.5. 

They gave her an IV with a massive dose of antibiotics and managed also to get her fever down.

They sent us home.

My sister is coming and I’m so relieved. I…this was terrifying. Again, for reasons I won’t go into. She came close to some pretty bad outcomes.

Hopefully, she’ll be in the mend. I’m getting help with the cost of her prescriptions. This was terrifying. I’m exhausted but I don’t think I could sleep at this point anyways.

It certainly puts into perspective what’s important.

She’s not out of the woods just yet but we’re on it. My village is surrounding us. I’m grateful. 

Alright, well I’m just gonna shower and wait for my sissy.

My girl is asleep, getting some much needed rest.

Love to you all today.

Be Blessed.

Neecie