We’re out

Good Morning!

Well…better than yesterday.

Once we got over to the apartment and started knocking it out, things moved.

We were out by 1:00PM.

So that part is over.

That makes me cry.

But.

It is what it is. I have to find trust, or faith, that things will work out.

I have so much in front of me, all while trying to find a job.

I do go in for my retail gig today. Just a 5.5 shift.

I applied for one job last night and I’ll apply for more today.

I have a bunch of boxes down in the kitchen. My goal for those is to get them upstairs and gone through after work.

Then job search.

Then a walk.

Then a shower and some downtime before bed. I can do this.

I know I should hit the unpacking hard but it’s ok to pace it.

I can’t put stuff on hold anymore. Steady wins the race.

Ok.

It’s time.

I hope you all have a blessed day.

Love & Light,

Neecie

L Stands For…

Good Morning,

I am beyond despondent.

Guys, I don’t know if I can do this anymore. It’s too much. 

Failure. Failure. Failure.

I’m so sad. And so in pain. My back is awful.

I’m getting ready to go back to the apartment to pack what’s left, which is very little and to attempt to clean.

I don’t want to. I want to go back to bed and pretend none of this happened.

I see only one way out.

And I know that’s not good. I just…I’ve been ready for change but the Universe just won’t get on board with me. I need one last miracle. I just need a car.

Just a car. I can’t keep going like this.

I can’t do it.

I have what it takes to withstand almost anything but everyday, what little self worth I have left dwindles.

Not being able to run simple errands is killing me. Not being able to afford to Uber to appointments, interviews…it’s killing me.

I feel like such a loser.

Such a loser.

Might as well stick a big L on my forehead.

I’m sorry for such a downer blog. I just don’t know what to do anymore.

Be Blessed.

Neecie

What’s in Front of Me

Good Morning!

Whoo & Uffda.

I start this out by saying I am so grateful to my daughter who came and picked me up last night. She took me to get boxes, she brought me to get some food, she packed like a mf’er, she helped me bring a ton of garage out, she helped me unload her car over where I’m living now.

Grateful.

My roommate went grocery shopping yesterday and he picked me up a few things. I’m grateful for that too.

My sister is coming out today and I’m gonna shower and unpack here until she gets here and then we’ll head to the apartment. There not much left so a couple loads and it’s done but then the cleaning is on.

I’m not gonna do a deep clean. I just want it presentable. I mean…somewhat.

If I can somehow get that done than I can spend the day here tomorrow really unpacking and getting things put away.

I’m losing weight and that’s amazing but it’s not in the right way. I’m not eating.

No bueno.

And between working and having to walk everywhere, I’m getting a ton of exercise.

Anyways, I’m doing laundry, I got my hangers over here so I can start getting stuff into the closet. We still have far too much, even with me throwing away as much as I did. But. 

It is what it is.

I’m not looking forward to far. I need to focus on what needs getting done immediately so I can move on in an organized, present manner.

I hope you all have a good day.

Be Blessed.

Love & Light, 

Neecie

Just Some Help

Good Morning,

Well guys. Yep, I’m going in at 5 again but I don’t know about this.

I didn’t get hired for what I applied for and the training yesterday? I thought I was gonna die. They time us. And the guy training me was practically running and I’m a short, chubby old girl. I was trying to keep up with him. The other thing is that I can’t hear when people are in front of me and talk to me without turning towards me.

It was awful. 

By the time I got off, my back was literally screaming in pain.

Can something please work out for me? Please.

Why am I going through this and shouldn’t I be able to find something, anything in an office setting?

I’m beside myself.

I don’t know what to do or say anymore…about any of this.

I’m trying fake positivity, I’m listening to music at a higher vibration, I’m praying. Please.

Please Universe. Help me turn this around.

I don’t think I can do this anymore.

And because my back hurt so very bad, I couldn’t go to my apartment to do anything.

Please.

I need help.

I’m so sad. I’m overwhelmed.

Just need some help.

That’s all I’ve got, pitiful as it is.

I hope you have a good day.

Be Blessed.

Love and Light, 

Neecie

So Very Tired

Hello and Good Morning,

Oh. I am exhausted. I went to bed at 8 and I’ve been pretty much up since 1. Laying in bed, tossing and turning.

I went to orientation yesterday. It’s retail. That’s all I’ve got. I have a hard time learning new processes and when you add tired to it…no bueno.

I start at 5 this morning.

I’ll then uber to the apartment. I’m out of boxes so I’m going to move everything that still has to go into the living room and just clean until 3 or so, uber back here and try unpacking and organizing.

If my sister can come out on Wednesday, we can get more boxes and finish packing. I have a TV that has to be moved, a ton of coats, a kitty tower and whatever remaining boxes we have.

I’d like to finish cleaning on Thursday so I can just get the fuck out of there.

Pumpkin cuddled with me, let me out my arms around her and everything.

I need comfort right now.

I’m so exhausted. I’m just so exhausted.

My tennis shoes are falling apart and my feet were cramping yesterday. 

This is all so bad.

If I can make it through this stupid week, at least the apartment will be behind me.

I can start looking for a full time job, a 40 hour a week job, weekends off.

Please.

I can’t keep going at this pace.

I ate two pieces of toast yesterday and two pieces of string cheese.

I’m tired. I’m hungry. I’m sore all over.

Ok.

I guess that about covers it.

Have a good day. If it’s a happy one, send some my way, a bit of your happiness.

Be Blessed.

Love & Light,

Neecie

Flexible

Good Morning,

Oh boy. I am in utter panic mode. I forgot my charger at the apartment, I forgot my inhaler and I’m struggling.

I’ve gotten emails about filling out my W4 or 2 or whatever online and I can’t figure it out.

I’m overwhelmed. We slept at our new place and I didn’t sleep well. I’m too panicked.

I’m too panicked. I have to calm down.

I’m a grown ass woman and all I can think is, “I want my mom.”

I’m gonna go upstairs and sob for a minute.

Then I’ll come up with a plan.

I need a shower but all my toiletries are at the apartment too. I might have my roommate drop me off on his way to work and shower there.

Probably the best idea at this point. See if I can find my charger and my inhaler. Shower and go to training from there.

I need to spread everything out and not hyper focus on it all.

I’m pretty sure the bankruptcy hearing is this week and I’ll have to take time off for that. 

This not having a car shit and not knowing when I’ll get paid is hard.

If anyone reading this can help me get back and forth and help me get the rest of my stuff from my apartment, I would really appreciate it.

I will reach out to some people. 

I wrote about being flexible in my journal and now I’m hyper focusing again.

Things are going to be uncomfortable for another week or so. They just are.

I have to accept it and align with it.

I have to believe some good will come out of all this chaos.

It has to.

It really just has to.

I have a lot of people telling me what to do too. Like…a car has to be my focus but you guys; with what $$?

I have to stop.

I have to stop.

I’m so worked up right now.

I’m going to meditate.

And come up with a set plan for today.

And go from there.

I’m sad.

Ok, but I’m hoping for a good day in spite of how I feel right now. I can do this.

I can do this.

I hope you all have a good day too.

Be Blessed.

Love & Light,

Neecie

And it’s go time

Hey All,

I’m sitting outside in the quiet morning, giving myself a moment. I’m at my roommate’s place.

I just brought a load over. My oldest daughter came last night and thank god. She got me motivated and we packed and packed and packed. I’m STILL not completely packed. Ugh.

Everyone will be over by 8:20 and I have to gas up the truck I rented and go home and power pack some more.

Same daughter rented a big ass moving truck for today. So I have to drop off this truck, pick up the new one and it’s on. I won’t have the packing done upon arrival but I will have some more done, just need this moment before the rush starts. I have training tomorrow and then I’ll go clean the apartment as best I can. 

I’m sad, I’m glad, I’m relieved and grateful.

Here we go.

Have a great day! Be Blessed. 

Love & Light,

Neecie