A Lot of Sh*t Today

 

Good Morning,

Yes, good, it's still morning for 7 more minutes here in Minnesota. 

First, today is beautiful. It's going to be the last day of it's kind for as far out as the forecast goes. 

Second, I woke up this morning and everything felt horrid.

I didn't get enough sleep, my IBS was such that while I've actually only gone twice, it was horrific. No bueno at all.

The world and my life seemed like shite.

Beyond, ya know, the IBS.

Just everything felt like shite.

But.

I did make a list for myself for today. And this whole STOP thing? Today, I said STOP to myself when I felt like I wanted to give up yet another day; not do shit.

Boy, I'm talking about shit a lot here on this post. But it is what it is.

And I am going through everything on my list for the most part, how I wrote it down to do it.

I do have to add in a trip to the grocery store and a pick up from Cub and to get gas.

I'm checking things off as I go in the hopes that it will inspire me to keep fucking going. Energizer bunny style.

I got on the scale this morning and I'm both mad and glad I did. I'm over 180 and that STOPS now. I will not weigh myself again until Saturday. I needed to see that. No more excuses. If I stick to my meal plan, I want to see how that affects the scale and then make the necessary adjustments.

I am also getting all my fluids in for the day and that actually makes you gain weight at first, especially if you're chronically dehydrated. It goes right through you at first but slowly, your body starts absorbing it and you will gain weight from that. So you have to give it time to become the norm.

So if I can stick to my plan and keep hydrating, I should have a number I can trust on the scale Saturday AM.

As you know, I have ceased and desisted on writing out my daily lists. I'm going to go until bedtime and I'm going to pray I get some good sleep tonight.

I had the window open last night but of course, I don't open it all the way because Pumpkin loves open windows but she's so big, I'm afraid she'll knock the screen out and fall so I only open it about maybe 5 inches or so. But then she sits up there, on the ledge and cries. I cannot afford to run the air yet. I know that sounds crazy...air conditioning? in Minnesota? In March?

Yeah, for real though. Once it gets into the 40s outside, this place heats up like you would not believe and then...it's on. I slept naked, under a sheet and a lightweight blanket last night with the window open and the fan on and I still overheated.

And my daughter was out last night and when she got home, I woke up. Not her fault, she wasn't loud but man...I'm just such a light sleeper. If I don't shut my door completely, it opens all the way and I won't shut it completely because the cats like to get in and out and honestly, if I shut the door completely, they will meow and meow until I give them what they want anyways.

Today, as far as STOP, I am stopping coffee again and I am stopping laziness and the voices that tell me it's OK to just sit on the couch and veg and I am stopping the voices that tell me terrible things about myself.

Below is today's short and yesterday's long form video. Please like (give them a thumbs up), subscribe to my channel and all the good stuff.

I appreciate you!!

Alright, well I hope you all have an amazing day.

Be Blessed.

Love & Light,

Neecie

No Overthinking

Well Good Morning,

I am posting from my phone because my cat, my beautiful Grey, has commandeered my lap. There are two things I cannot do without her intervention;

One is I can’t go to the bathroom. Every time I go into the bathroom, she gets up from wherever she is and follows me in. If I dare to sit upon the throne, she jumps up on my lap and starts purring. Once in awhile, she plops down and…I’m trapped. Usually though, she gets her footing and then jumps from my lap to the sink. I then had to turn in the faucet but just so, so she can drink from it. Again, she spends quite a bit of time getting herself situated fo her drink and I am usually fine and need to wash my hands at this point. So now I just go into the other bathroom to wash my hands and then I have to go get her because she has a very hard time with landings as she’s older now. It’s a whole process and she runs this show.

The other thing I can’t do is sit down or lie down. Up she comes and makes herself comfortable.

She’s slowing down so much and she has good days and hard days and I don’t know how much time I have left with her as she could go downhill quickly. And so…I allow her to stay as it gives her comfort. This cat is a one person girl. And I’m her person.

At any rate, I digress.

I had fun yesterday!!!!

My daughter wanted to try this pizza place in South Minneapolis. Once we got there, I realized that it was one that I had wanted to try too. They were featured on Diners, Drive-ins and Dives a long time ago.

The name of the place is Pizzeria Lola and it was delicious. She has a lot of unique pizzas to choose from. We had the Korean barbecue pizza and the sweet Italian. 

While we were eating, I was lamenting the fat that the area we live in has no good bread bakeries. So she looked some up in the area we were in and lo and behold, we found a cannabis bakery.

I’m not going to rewrite my thoughts on THC an addiction because I don’t need to explain myself. I was taking gummies nightly to help with sleep but when they stopped working, I stopped taking them because you do build a tolerance to THC and I didn’t want to have to keep increasing over time. This little shop is very cute and the owner was so charming and unique. 

He has about 5 different kinds of cookies and he is completely transparent regarding how much of everything is included in one cookie because there’s different kinds of CBD in them too.

I decided to give one a try and just see how I slept.

It took about a good hour for it to kick in with the high increasing in intensity for a good while. It was too much for me so what I want to do, is go back and get some more cookies and use them only on Saturday nights, a half cookie and I’ll take my “bougie bath” about a half hour after ingesting.

I’ll just keep the other cookies frozen for each week. 

Because in spite of a bit of waking up, I did get in over 7 hours last night and knowing that I’ll be guaranteed one good night a week? I’m good with that.

And the one thing I absolutely loved about this? My body relaxed. It relaxed on a level I didn’t know existed.

The name of the shop is Chez Annalise CannaBakery.

Check them out now, thank me later.

Then my daughter came over. Her and her hubby bought a house and they close next weekend.

So she’s busy clearing out things she doesn’t want or need and she brought 3.5 bags of stuff over for my youngest and I to go through and make our own.

I guess…everything about the day was either chill, or us laughing and just talking and it was such a nice day.

I love my kids so much. It means so much to me to spend time with them!

Ok, Word of the week is STOP. Just stop and I’m gonna focus on those things that I can literally just…stop. Like I said in today’s short, there will be emotional fallout but…just stop.

I’m not sure if my daughter works today and if she does, I’m not sure when. So whatever I do, I have to jump into it knowing that when she wakes up, it could be we have to go NOW, or I’ll have some time before I have to drop her.

I’m worried about her. She’s had some disappointments recently. Nothing earth shattering but I just worry. She may need a mom day too. Just to get out of the apartment when she’s not working and do something fun.

Lots to think about this week.

But. Not overthink. Overthink no bueno.

I try to do no more.

Okie, have a good day beauties.

Be Blessed.

Love & Light,

Neecie

No Inspo Today

Good Morning!

I am a crabby, impatient B this morning. I was literally up all night. Input about 4 hours of sleep together but…I feel like a maniac. 

The interview I had the other day is fucking with me big time. I’m second guessing everything and I think I have to come to a place of peace with this. If I get it, I’ll know when I know but in the meantime, let’s just move on from this shall we?

The apartment is clean except for my bathroom which I’m about to go take care of shortly. I have to poop and I’m becoming poop avoidant if that’s a thing…like I hate it so much, I try and hold that shit in until I absolutely have to do it.

Ok, well that went somewhere didn't it? Sheesh.

It's later now. I feel better. My daughter had to work and she really couldn't sleep either so we were up talking quite a bit. She had an "interesting" evening last night through no fault of her own and we were discussing that.

She's at work now and my middle child, my first girl, is coming over in about an hour and we'll be spending the afternoon together.

Oh I wish I had inspiration or words of wisdom to impart today but y'girl is tired AF. I think Imma lay down til my darling arrives.

My only goal for today is to clean my bathroom and put the clean sheets on my bed and do bougie bath.

Easy peasy...

Have a great day, all of you and thank you for stopping by.

Be Blessed.

Love & Light,

Neecie

Howling of The Wolf People

 

Good Morning!!

Ok, so you know at least I've been up today and moving around. Today, the weather is awful. It's warmer than usual but rainy and gray and that causes a chill.

It is so hard to be motivated in this weather but shall we just be honest with ourselves here? It's almost always hard for me to be motivated.

Whatever. 

I am determined to go to be with a clean apartment. Oh no, not cleaning again. Well...yeah, fucking cleaning. Because once again, this apartment is so small. And if I have even one day of laziness, it's a no go, it's gets messy and the kitchen? I cook one meal and it looks like a nuclear bomb went off.

Whatever.

I had an interview yesterday! It was amazing.

But I won't know for a couple weeks and that's hard.

I'm going to send off a thank you email shortly.

Gotta do that.

Last night, I was awoken at :AM by people howling like wolves off in the distance.

It scared the crap out of me.

The funny thing is, I was at a party when I was a teenager and my sister and I left with two guys and we were walking to the house of one of the guys we were with and this other guy who had been at the party, had left and run off and he too, howled at the moon that night. We could mark his progress based on how loud or far away the howls were.

Yes, I have known some very interesting people in my life.

Most of these kind of meetings tended to be in my young adult life, not quite as many crazies now and I am A-OK with that shit.

These days I still like funny, quirky, interesting but only if it comes with kindness and compassion. There are so many people I've reconnected with over the years that turned out to be...yucko and I realized that I was longing to connect with who they were so long ago. You know, I've changed too. There are people from my teen years I would never hang out with or develop friendships with now. And the really amazing thing for me, is that I've connected with people I knew but didn't hang out with way back when, but they are AMAZING people.

I am blessed.

I've been trying diligently to reach out to people and ask to get together because they don't. And that's fine, we're all busy. I just have grown so sick of rotting away in my apartment during this layoff and all the stress that has gone with it that I need human connection.

It's beautiful.

I was thinking about my past this morning and trying to figure out if there really is anyone from my past that I want to reconnect with and I don't. I'm good.

I have room for new friends and for the ones here now but...the past? Let it fucking stay there.

Alright, I gots to go.

Have a great day all.

Be Blessed.

Love & Light,

Neecie

Priorities

Hollah!

How’s everyone doing this morning? While I would like some sunshine, i’m just feeling Miss Mary sunshine inside myself today.

I will never cease to be amazed at how one night of good sleep can literally turn my attitude around. And it reminds me that I have got to make sleep a priority.

I suppose there are many things that should be a priority and I try to make them priorities but my brain is so filled with floody, fluffy, sometimes kaka, that I just can’t seem to get a grip.

I woke up at four but that’s OK because I went to bed at 8:30 and I was ready to go. I have meditated, I have gone for a walk, I posted a short, and now I’m writing this blog.

There is much that will be done today. And perhaps I will have some good news at the end of this day.

But I have to remind myself of what I’m grateful for, because if I don’t have good news, I still have things to be grateful for. The rent is paid. Again.

As hard as I am on myself. I am loved by others. I had the funniest Phone call with my Bestie yesterday a.m. I got the rent money like I said. I went grocery shopping. I talked to my sister on the phone last night too. I would just ask that you keep her sweet pup in your mind and heart.

She is one of the sweetest dogs I’ve ever met, she is a beautiful greyhound. And she is living beyond the life expectancy of a greyhound, but she is having some difficulties. Please send some healing thoughts to her.

Well, for the first time in ages, I have to get ready for something in the morning. So I am going to go do that.

I wish you a day filled with productivity, happiness, blessings and gratitude.

I wish you love.

Love & Light,

Neecie

A Grasp?

Hi All,

Oh man. I am off the charts today. Can you say anxiety? One is that I have to yet again ask someone for money. For rent, which I have until tomorrow to pay. And also because I have a second interview tomorrow and if I get this, I could be working next Monday. And applying for a part time job.

This could be over.

But of course, that’s a grasp, right? Because I don’t know if I’ll get it.

I can’t calm down so I’m trying to stay busy.

And get the apartment clean, because if I start working two jobs, cleaning will be…interesting.

Oh you guys, I’m terrified. Terrified of getting the job and terrified of NOT getting the job.

If I get this, my debt could be paid off in 18 months. I’d keep the second job for another six months so I could save up to move out of here.

Ok, calm down darlin’, we ain’t there yet and this ship hasn’t set sail so fuck a duck and get through this day.

I grocery shopped. A neighbor gave me a $50 dollar gift card and that feels me out but it was nice so imma make some cookies and give him some as a thank you.

Ok, well apparently I’m nuts so let’s this out this entry out of its misery and get on with it.

I hope you are all having an amazing day.

Be Blessed.

Love & Light,

Neecie

In the Midst

Hello There,

The picture I tried to insert from my phone doesn’t seem to be working, sorry about that.

I have not been able to move today. I have some weird virus. I can feel it in my chest but that’s no cough, no shortness of breath. I am sneezing however, I have a headache and I’m so tired it feels like I weigh 500lbs when I get up and walk around.

And that makes all the other stuff hurt and feel worse; the mental health stuff. 

I don’t want this life…the way it is. No one else can change it though. No one. Just me. God seems to be being stingy with his/her/their miracles of late.

And I need a miracle. Money? Well that would be great but no, if given a choice, I would choose the miracle of healing. Get rid of this mental health shit, be the kind of person who has a dream and goes for it and doesn’t stop, who doesn’t question themselves - self confidence supreme. Be the kind of person who has no shame, who believes in themself but has no arrogance.

Someone who has the fucking energy to help others.

Then…yeah, some money would be great. And if there was no choice, only money, I’d take it and try to fix this shit myself.

I don’t feel good. My head hurts. My head hurts a lot so I’m giving myself grace and I’m gonna get through today and then we’ll see what we can do about getting through this thing called life.

See, I continue to have good days and bad days. I cry a lot because I’m so very unhappy.

But the Universe provides happy moments in the midst of all this and that keeps me going. No self-pity. It is what it is and I go on.

That’s today.

And that’s ok.

Be Blessed.

Love & Light,

Neecie