Just Some Help

Good Morning,

Well guys. Yep, I’m going in at 5 again but I don’t know about this.

I didn’t get hired for what I applied for and the training yesterday? I thought I was gonna die. They time us. And the guy training me was practically running and I’m a short, chubby old girl. I was trying to keep up with him. The other thing is that I can’t hear when people are in front of me and talk to me without turning towards me.

It was awful. 

By the time I got off, my back was literally screaming in pain.

Can something please work out for me? Please.

Why am I going through this and shouldn’t I be able to find something, anything in an office setting?

I’m beside myself.

I don’t know what to do or say anymore…about any of this.

I’m trying fake positivity, I’m listening to music at a higher vibration, I’m praying. Please.

Please Universe. Help me turn this around.

I don’t think I can do this anymore.

And because my back hurt so very bad, I couldn’t go to my apartment to do anything.

Please.

I need help.

I’m so sad. I’m overwhelmed.

Just need some help.

That’s all I’ve got, pitiful as it is.

I hope you have a good day.

Be Blessed.

Love and Light, 

Neecie

So Very Tired

Hello and Good Morning,

Oh. I am exhausted. I went to bed at 8 and I’ve been pretty much up since 1. Laying in bed, tossing and turning.

I went to orientation yesterday. It’s retail. That’s all I’ve got. I have a hard time learning new processes and when you add tired to it…no bueno.

I start at 5 this morning.

I’ll then uber to the apartment. I’m out of boxes so I’m going to move everything that still has to go into the living room and just clean until 3 or so, uber back here and try unpacking and organizing.

If my sister can come out on Wednesday, we can get more boxes and finish packing. I have a TV that has to be moved, a ton of coats, a kitty tower and whatever remaining boxes we have.

I’d like to finish cleaning on Thursday so I can just get the fuck out of there.

Pumpkin cuddled with me, let me out my arms around her and everything.

I need comfort right now.

I’m so exhausted. I’m just so exhausted.

My tennis shoes are falling apart and my feet were cramping yesterday. 

This is all so bad.

If I can make it through this stupid week, at least the apartment will be behind me.

I can start looking for a full time job, a 40 hour a week job, weekends off.

Please.

I can’t keep going at this pace.

I ate two pieces of toast yesterday and two pieces of string cheese.

I’m tired. I’m hungry. I’m sore all over.

Ok.

I guess that about covers it.

Have a good day. If it’s a happy one, send some my way, a bit of your happiness.

Be Blessed.

Love & Light,

Neecie

Flexible

Good Morning,

Oh boy. I am in utter panic mode. I forgot my charger at the apartment, I forgot my inhaler and I’m struggling.

I’ve gotten emails about filling out my W4 or 2 or whatever online and I can’t figure it out.

I’m overwhelmed. We slept at our new place and I didn’t sleep well. I’m too panicked.

I’m too panicked. I have to calm down.

I’m a grown ass woman and all I can think is, “I want my mom.”

I’m gonna go upstairs and sob for a minute.

Then I’ll come up with a plan.

I need a shower but all my toiletries are at the apartment too. I might have my roommate drop me off on his way to work and shower there.

Probably the best idea at this point. See if I can find my charger and my inhaler. Shower and go to training from there.

I need to spread everything out and not hyper focus on it all.

I’m pretty sure the bankruptcy hearing is this week and I’ll have to take time off for that. 

This not having a car shit and not knowing when I’ll get paid is hard.

If anyone reading this can help me get back and forth and help me get the rest of my stuff from my apartment, I would really appreciate it.

I will reach out to some people. 

I wrote about being flexible in my journal and now I’m hyper focusing again.

Things are going to be uncomfortable for another week or so. They just are.

I have to accept it and align with it.

I have to believe some good will come out of all this chaos.

It has to.

It really just has to.

I have a lot of people telling me what to do too. Like…a car has to be my focus but you guys; with what $$?

I have to stop.

I have to stop.

I’m so worked up right now.

I’m going to meditate.

And come up with a set plan for today.

And go from there.

I’m sad.

Ok, but I’m hoping for a good day in spite of how I feel right now. I can do this.

I can do this.

I hope you all have a good day too.

Be Blessed.

Love & Light,

Neecie

And it’s go time

Hey All,

I’m sitting outside in the quiet morning, giving myself a moment. I’m at my roommate’s place.

I just brought a load over. My oldest daughter came last night and thank god. She got me motivated and we packed and packed and packed. I’m STILL not completely packed. Ugh.

Everyone will be over by 8:20 and I have to gas up the truck I rented and go home and power pack some more.

Same daughter rented a big ass moving truck for today. So I have to drop off this truck, pick up the new one and it’s on. I won’t have the packing done upon arrival but I will have some more done, just need this moment before the rush starts. I have training tomorrow and then I’ll go clean the apartment as best I can. 

I’m sad, I’m glad, I’m relieved and grateful.

Here we go.

Have a great day! Be Blessed. 

Love & Light,

Neecie

Scared and Crying

Hello, Hello,

Oh you guys! Terrible. We ran out of tape after my sister left so I couldn’t keep packing. I have an interview today and I’m flippin’ panicking. 

No car sucks but I got this? 

If I rent a truck today, I could potentially just go hard until noon. Then I have to get ready for the interview I have. 

Actually, I could rent one tonight, after the interview I guess. Everything needs to be packed and I need tape. I can do a target delivery for the tape. Just pack for 5 hours, get ready, go to the interview and then pick up the truck. I’ll have to load and unload it myself but I don’t see any other way. This is hard!

Ok. I have been saying that from this point on, I want to do literally EVERYTHING having to do with money be intentional and with thought. 

I just cancelled the interview because I looked up the location and it’s not on a bus line and it’ll be too expensive to uber there.

I have to stick to what will work financially and I do have a retail job and I’m just going to have to stick to that until I find something fulltime closer.

The next piece is that I have to rent a truck today. I have to. And I have to move as much as I can in my own.

I asked a friend if she could drop me there as I don’t want to pay for an Uber. I’m trying as hard as I can to make the best decisions.

Right now I’m scared and crying but…I’m also trying.

I’m doing my best here.

There was relief in making the decision to bail, we really don’t have a choice but this living shit is hard. I’m not 20, ya know?

Ok, well onward.

I hope you all have a good day.

Be Blessed!!

Neecie

Intentional

Good Morning!

Oh my God, my apartment is like...a bomb went off and I can't find my damn phone. Par for the course with me.

I want to start packing again, well I mean, I will for sure but geez.

It's a bit ridiculous how attached to those damn things we are.

I got almost all of the storage stuff IN the apartment packed. I have about two more boxes and here comes Pumps for her love.

I will never not give her love.

Ok, about 5 minutes and she's had enough. Works for me as I will not intentionally get up when she's on me.

I'm sortof falling apart but sortof not.

I got a job. 

Retail.

Starts at 4AM.

Fuck.My.Life.

But I'm gonna do it. I have an interview for a full-time job but I will have summers off and that didn't work so well last time I had a job where I had a few months off but I didn't stop to think that I'll be able to pull unemployment. That would help, I'd be able to save for the rest of it.

I have to go into everything I do now with eyes wide open.

Everything must be intentional.

Everything.

I want to get so much done today so I'm going to sign off and get moving.

I love you all.

Be Blessed.

Love & Light,

Neecie

Lest I Forget

Good Morning!

I have to it hard today. My goals are to pay the electric bill, pack EVERYTHING going into storage, move some of it of if I can, go through all my supplies for products and get rid of most of it, take pics of the things for sale and post them.

I took a bath yesterday. I had to, everything hurt. I wish I had help.

I’ve said similar things in the past but I want to remember every part of this.

Lest I forget.

No more forgetting. Eyes wide open so I can get better, do better, BE better.

I’m so blue today and proud of it if you get my meaning.

I hope this will make a difference.

Huh, I have eye boogers and a bloody nose. How lovely, lmao.

Alright well…I guess in with it we go.

Be Blessed.

Love & Light,

Neecie