Hard Times

Good Morning,

Wow, so I had a bit of a rough night.

Lots of waking up.

I was so surprised when my alarm went off. I couldn’t believe it, ya know?

All the mean voices are starting.

You’re worthless, why try?

Bla bla bla.

I did get some money. For which I’m grateful.  I’m helping a friend out with her cats. She paid me in advance.

So the tiniest of wiggle room. I will do that in the morning and after work.

I’m also trying to help my daughter because they changed the way they do serving now at her restaurant and she used to come home with 2 to 3 hundred, she’s lucky if she breaks 150. It’s hard, hard times so I’m trying to take her in when I can. Tonight she starts at 5, so I’ll come home, pick her up and then take her in. I think I’ll be doing that all week. I may have to stay up late too to get her.

So it’s gonna be a busy one and I’m gonna have to just push through.

It’s so hard. It’s just so hard.

But I got this.

Right?!?

I got this.

The kitty duty starts Wednesday night and then I’ll be there too Thursday, Friday and Saturday morning. I won’t have to go Saturday night as my friend will be back.

I’m tired.

I didn’t hear from my mom this weekend. I usually do. She’s been calling to check on me too. I’ll call her this week.

But I got this.

Alright, I’m gonna get this party started.

I hope you all have a good day.

Be Blessed.

Love & Light,

Neecie

Upward Trend

Hello Loves,

I have accomplished absolutely nothing today. I’m half fine with it though. 

I slept for…9 hrs? 10? All that fresh air yesterday and actually being somewhat social. The cure for insomnia? Maybe not a permanent cure but one that made a difference yesterday.

We are out of food. My daughter had enough to get some taquitos from Target yesterday. I had some today but yeah…no food until I get paid Friday,

Whatever.

I have milk and protein powder so…that shall suffice until Friday.

Gas is another conundrum but again…it’ll work out. 

One must see it in their mind in order to believe it.

I have just had a time of this past few months; such a deep depression. The cloud’s lifting. Lisa has really been a part of the lift; really being there with a nonjudgmental ear, holding space for me and I think Erin came back into my life at precisely the time she was supposed to and hopefully for her too. She’s checked in a few times.

Her way of telling me the things going on in her life just cracks me up and having some laughter back is so good. They’ve really been here for me. 

And I think the meds are finally kicking in. Because that deep, permeating darkness is lifting.

It’s not a major change but it’s started.

So all I can really say is I’m grateful I don’t feel like I did a month ago and maybe in another month, I’ll be able to say that about today and we’ll just hope it’s an upward trend.

That’s what I’ve got for you today.

Thank you!!

Have a good afternoon.

Be Blessed.

Love & Light,

Neecie

Good Morning!

Ah. Well hey, I cleaned the bathroom last night. Yay. At least I can say I did something. 

In all fairness I did have to hustle to get a cashiers check for the rent payment and all that. 

But rent got paid. My daughter and I are both broke. So it’s gonna be a week of figuring out gas and food.

But yes, rent is paid.

Little bit of breathing space.

My boss was off yesterday and I actually did pretty good.

I’m just chilling for a second and then I’m gonna head over to my daughter’s place. She’s having a garage sale and asked me to help her set it up this morning.

So I’ll do that and hopefully come home and clean.

Running Slower

Good Morning!!

I can finally say TGIF!!! I need gas and I have to drop off a deposit at the bank. Normally, this would not be an issue but I had to pick my daughter up from work last night so and she didn’t get off until after 10. 

I can also happily report that I did not lay around. I started to but I didn’t.

I did not get the house cleaned but I got everything picked up, which will make it much easier to clean tonight. I want it done.

But it feels so good to at least have done that much.

I also gave myself a facial and took a shower.

I did my skincare routine!!

So yeah, that’s all good. I didn’t hear my alarm so I’m running a bit slower.

So that’s all great stuff but now I gotta get ready for work and get out of here.

I hope you all have a good day.

Be Blessed.

Love & Light,

Neecie

No Instant Transfer

Good Morning!

Thursday.

This week has just dragged itself right on by.

It feels like it should be Friday.

Oh well.

I’m not sure but I think we’re gonna make rent. The only thing is that I have to go to the bank yet again to get them to print some checks. I don’t have any and I certainly don’t have the money to order any though it would make my life easier.

And I’m also going to have to make sure my daughter doesn’t Cash App me the money because I don’t have my new debit card yet so I can’t do an instant transfer. 

I managed to eat yesterday. My daughter is being trained at work to bartend and she got a free meal for it so she bought me a chicken Caesar salad because it’s cheap and she gets gets 50% off her meals.

We have both lost weight.

I was in bed by 7:30. There just doesn’t seem to be anything to stay up for. 

Man.

I’m still tired. I could go right back to bed.

But I have to work.

My sweet Grey was asking for love in the middle of the night and she doesn’t usually do that, usually it’s Pumpkin so of course I indulged her. So skinny now.

Well on with it I guess.

I hope you have a great day.

Be Blessed.

Love & Light,

Neecie

Hardcore

Hi Everyone!

Went to bed early again.

What do you do? I know I need to stay up but it’s hard.

Yesterday the anxiety was horrible.

Today it’s a little better.

I’m supposed to sign our new lease. I don’t know what to do.

I’m not sure how much it increased to. I’ll have to call about that today.

Because I stopped making all my payments, my credit plunged and we won’t get in anywhere else. 

I don’t know what to do.

As far as the bank, my old account should be closed today.

Thank God. I’m going to need to get help with food and gas because my entire paycheck on Friday has to go to rent.

We still won’t be there but it’ll be a lot closer. 

I just can’t.

I have no choice though so I guess I can.

Here we go.

I really fucked up at work though yesterday. So many mistakes. It’s hard because my anxiety was at 100+.

I just say I’m sorry and nod.

She’s being nice about it.

At least I have a decent boss. She’s hardcore though.

But not without reason.

So there’s that.

Well I better get moving. I don’t want to but I have to.

Alright, well I hope you have a good day.

Be Blessed.

Love & Light,

Neecie

Did Me Good

Good Morning!

Oh wow. My anxiety? My heart is pounding this morning. I think it may be the Lexapro because this started when I started taking it again.

I just don’t even know what to do with this.

I just don’t even know.

The bank did me good and refused the loan payment. Now I have to wait for it to go from pending to posted and pray the loan company doesn’t try to put it through again.

Because once this is posted, the account can be closed. 

This is so scary.

So so scary.

I see one last attorney tomorrow and then I have to find the money to file.

The job is going good. Been there everyday, on time.

I’m not sure what to do about the meds. I think I’ll take them and just try to push through. Hope that I adjust to them.

Cuz wow. This is not good. It’s hard to even concentrate long enough to write this out.

Ok, well…

I hope you all have a great day.

Be Blessed.

Love & Light,

Neecie