What It Will Look Like

Hi Everyone,

58 years ago today, I burst forth from my mothers loins and declared myself a citizen of this earth. A spiritual being in a tiny human body.

Had I known what I was in for, I probably would’ve turned tail and crawled right back in.

Seriously, if that were an option, I may have done just that. 

Of course, the shit doesn’t really hit the fan immediately does it? When you are the first born and you are brand new, all intentions are pure, hopeful and well meaning. Everybody loves the new baby and they are swaddled in love, welcome and joy at their mere existence.

And then…life happens, shit happens.

I had a good birthday with my family yesterday and my daughter is spoiling me today.

It was incredibly hard to get through yesterday as the murder of another Minnesotan weighed heavy on my heart.

And today, it seems somehow unfair to me to celebrate my birthday when Renee Good and Alex Pretti will never celebrate again. 

It makes my heartache.

You guys, for as much as I used to live in anger and rage, I think I was a big talker; you know burn shit up and tear it down?

I don’t have it in me.

It destroys me.

I’m not doing the head in the sand thing, I’m simply trying to find my place in it. 

I’m pretty sure something is going on that I don’t feel comfortable writing about quite yet. I will soon if there is something going on. It’s not a good something. We will see.

I’m just taking it easy today. I will resume the tired trudge forward tomorrow.

I’m grateful for another year north of the earth. In the coming year, I need to live with Renee Good and Alex Pretti in my heart because they were not afforded another day, another year…another breath and my heart can no longer not honor the great sacrifice they unwillingly made so that I can go on and in my own little way, make my life count. Not sure what that will look like.

I’m so sad.

Will any of our hearts recover?

I don’t know.

I don’t know.

I send happy wishes to you all.

Go in Safety, Love & Light,

Neecie