Ground Zero

Good afternoon,

I have kind of reached Ground Zero with what I’m going through. I’m sick of myself, but I have not been sick of myself enough to try and step up and change things. When this happens, it just happens so quickly, but it seems like each time I fall back into the depression or the inability to move, it gets worse. I have to nip this in the bud. 

It’s going to take something that I don’t have which is persistence. And perhaps a bit of willingness. I’ve talked about how making change is uncomfortable and for some of us, it’s emotionally painful. But it is not impossible. I think if I can just accept that, this is going to have some pain, you know, making even the simplest of changes at this point, is going to be painful, Then perhaps I can suck it up and do it. And I’m literally 100% sure that in the doing of these things, I will find that some of them don’t hurt at all. That I just had to push myself. 

I used points for a movie today and then I didn’t even go.

Sadness, disgust, heartache, all the things I feel about the world right now. Those feelings aren’t going to change reality. They are not going to change what is. Can someone be happy when the world is unhappy and crazy and violent?

I guess I’m going to find out.

That’s really all I have for today. I did speak with my Bestie for a couple hours and I did have a phone conversation with my sister and I’m grateful for both. I love my people.

I hope all of you are having and will continue to have a good day.

Go in safety, love& light,

Neecie