One Week, No Smokey Smokey

 

Hello Luvs,

This blogging thing and my morning sleep have been awful.

You know, in general, my actual amount of time asleep is so much better (with last night definitely being an exception to that), but even so, I do not want to get up in the morning.

One week not smoking.

Not gonna lie, it's been both easy and hard. What's hard is when my brain wants to act like a little kid and scream FUCK YOU at myself, I WANT A CIGARETTE. 

Those moments when they come, are intense and I almost always decide to smoke, except that I don't.

I'm already breathing easier. I love not smelling like a stink machine. I love watching my bank account stabilize, although now my fucking brakes went out.

I have to tell you that I really am over all this money shit.

I am over it.

I am tired of struggling and being scared all the time, I am tired of not being able to save money for events like my brakes going yet again. I go through brakes like an addict goes through crack. I'm not sure what that's all about. I honestly do not stomp on my brakes, I think it might be the faery thing, I really do.

People always nod and try to humor me when I talk about the fact that some of the members of my mother's side of the family have "faery blood."

I'm telling you it's true.

Anyways, how much more shit and how much more money that I don't have, am I going to continue to contend with?

Perhaps...just perhaps, Dear God, or whatever you are...could we stop slinging shit at Denise?

Like...seriously....stop.

That which does not kill us...can kill us.

I'm pissed off today.

I'm scared and overwhelmed and annoyed.

Alright, well, this is the first time I signed on to my account at work and I need to sign off asap. I don't want anyone seeing this blog, I'm just sick of not having enough time to post in the morning.

I finally achieved 800 subscribers on YouTube and just this morning, surpassed that.

I hope you all have an amazing day.

Be Blessed.

Love & Light,

Neecie