Alone & Fat

Good Morning!!

It’s raining and shitty out.

My Aunt arrived safely and she and my sister hung out last night. 

I got in my cups. 

I’m so unhappy. Sometimes I wonder if I ever was happy and if I’ll ever be happy.

I love this puppy so much, it’s just the responsibility overwhelming. But he’s laying next to me now, conked out and I have to believe I’ve done something good, that all of this will work out. That my life will work out.

If there is such a thing as reincarnation, I really hope I don’t have to come back, not if it’s gonna be more of the same shit. 

I’m sinking. I feel like I’ve been hanging on for dear life for a long time and I’m slowly losing my grip. And what am I holding onto? Because it’s all so hard.

I feel like the only way out is the permanent way out because I have a hard time believing life will ever be anything other than kaka.

I’m grateful for my family and my friends, I’m grateful for my kitties and this little puppy.

But I’m just so sad all the time. Alone, fat and sad.

I wake up in the morning and all I look forward to is when I can go to bed again.

It is what it is. I’m committed to remaining north of the earth today.

And eventually, it’ll be time for bed again.

Yay.

I do however hope you have a good day Dear Reader.

Be Blessed.

Love & Light,

Neecie