My Queen

My Queen

Hello,

Here I am. Been a few days but life has been...a bit different. I don't know.

My beautiful Grey; aka Greyhame, Mon Petite Dragon, Bunches, Grey Grey, Queenie...she's been very sick. It's ironic that today, she is more herself than she has been.

We are taking her into urgent care today and I mean, it's more than likely that she won't be coming home with us.

It's a quality of life thing because while she's more herself today than she has been the past couple days, something is clearly wrong and I have to ask if they want to do labs, what are they looking for and if it is those things, what would the treatment be and if the treatment is unaffordable, if the treatment would be hard on her, does it make sense to have her go on; maybe healing but suffering in other ways. She's been a very healthy cat and having to shove pills down her throat isn't quality of life, ya know? She definitely has thyroid issues because in spite of her eating well, she's "skin and bones" as my son put it just now.

It's hard. It's so hard. She's 17 and a half years old. She's been super healthy.

This is killing me and I don't like being the one who has to make this decision. If I had oodles of money, I might try to keep her going but again, at what point would I be forced to say enough? And there's a line you don't want to cross, a line between what's best for her and what's me being selfish and not wanting to let her go?

If I were to write out everything we've been through in the past 5 years...I don't want to be strong anymore.

I would like some comfort and ease.

Today will be hard.

I have $1300.00 to my name, no job. 

I can only do what I can do for my sweet girl.

This sucks. 

Mocha is 11 and Pumps will be 4 in December.

I will see Grey everywhere and will look for her in the usual spots for the rest of my life. And I really, really hope that there is something after, because when I go, I want her to run right up to me and jump in my arms if I have arms. 

If not, jump into my spirit.

I can't keep writing. My heart won't let me.

But I'll write later today, or maybe tomorrow.

Please think of us.

Be Blessed.

Love & Light,

Neecie