Holy Monday Batman

Good Morning!

It’s still Monday but I decided to blog as I go through today.

One thing I need to do is stay in reality. Another thing I need to do is prioritize. We all know what my priority is right now.

It’s 10:07 and I did hear from my boss and she acted normal.

So I’m grateful for that and I’m allowing myself to let the negative self talk go and to feel the relief that that situation is behind me.

Relief is good. I’m able to smile in this moment.

This WILL be my last day of smoking and I’m giving up coffee too. I don’t need it.

I also know that I’ll be struggling with sleep again so I’m going to going to allow myself to stay up until 10 tonight and try and sleep til 6 but if I don’t, I’ll stay in bed until 5 and then I’ll get up. 

I’m ok.

10:24

Outside smoking, sitting in the grass and feeling the breeze. It feels so good. It was in the upper 80s the last two days. In Minnesota. The weather is the thing that really scares me. This isn’t normal. But I have no control over it and today it’s cooler and I’m listening to the breeze, feeling it blow through my hair.

And I’m grateful for the cool down.

I should mention I took a shower and washed my hair because I was so amped up on anxiety this weekend, I didn’t do either and I stunk.

So..ya know….that helps.

It is 11:43. I filled out and submitted an application to a job I’m capable of but that is terrifying.

I opted not to include my most recent employment for obvious reasons.

Next I am going to do some yoga and meditation and then I’ll resume my job search.

I did my yoga and it felt freaking amazing. I still have most of my flexibility just not so great on the strength part. My legs and arms were shaking. So then I did 10 minutes of meditation and really worked on just staying present and not letting my mind drift.

My daughter got up and we talked. She makes me so happy. I’m very proud of her, of who she is and how she proceeds through this thing called life.

I’m outside having a smoke. Next more job search and maybe some food.

So this is where things get hairy. If a job is not directly on a bus line, I can’t take it. I also need to find out where I would get picked up out here. The trains were shut down so that’s not an option. 

There are actually a lot of wonderful opportunities, but I would have to Uber and I would be in the same situation. I was at in my current or I should say most recent job. So for now, it’s either downtown Minneapolis, or within a 5 mile area of where I currently live.

Some of these jobs are really scary because of a couple things. One is that my appearance is nowhere near the level of professionalism that I think these jobs would require. A lot of my clothes don’t fit so I worry about that. As far as my hair and makeup, I’m not worried about that.

There are also a ton of different things I would be doing and that scares me.

Like I said, I have come to the conclusion that it either has to be on a bus line or within 5 miles so some of these jobs that are so intimidating, I don’t even have to worry about.

I have a neighbor who lives in the same complex, and I have been waiting for him to come outside, because I don’t know where he lives. Like which apartment he’s in. He told me about a company that’s very nearby and this would be an interim job, it would not be a permanent solution for me, but it would get me working and I’d be working from home. He told me about it sometime ago, but I really need to talk to him about it and ask him for his last name so I can say so-and-so told me about this when I call them. It’s literally a five minute drive from here. I couldn’t walk, like for an interview or if I had to go in, I would have to take an Uber, but like I said, I’d be working from home for the main part of my schedule.

If I don’t see him tomorrow, I’m going to go to the office because he is the uncle of one of the girls who works there and she’ll tell me where to find him. He’s just usually out and about you know?

So I think I will apply for the job that’s downtown Minneapolis and then I’ll shift my focus to some other things for the day.

Ok, I have NOT done the application yet but I cleaned the kitchen, I folded and put away my clean clothes. 

I am now watching an episode of Project Runway Allstars.

I would like to give myself a shower, take out the garbage and apply for that job but we shall see.

My friend Tracy messaged me as did my friend Karen and both held support and love for me. So more to be grateful for…and I am.

Well. I gave myself a facial, took out 4 bags of garbage, showered again, did my evening hair care and skincare.

I also dumped the dirty kitty litter, scrubbed the boxes and put fresh litter in.

I’m sitting now. I’m going to make a list for tomorrow and read until my daughter gets home.

It was important for me today to stay busy and to try and do a little bit of everything that I felt to stressed to do while I was at this prior job and just felt to tired to do.

This is an opportunity to put my money where my mouth is and to make my time count while I have a bit more of it.

I feel like today was a great start.

I do know that getting all these things done is fabulous, but I must keep in mind that the biggest priority is getting a job.

Thanks so much for reading all of this. I do believe I’ll be hitting 20,000 hits on this blog this month,

Thank you!!!

I hope you all have a great day.

Be Blessed.

Love & Light,

Neecie