Eggshells & Anxiety

It’s 3:30 in the morning and I’ve been up for about an hour now; going to the bathroom with dry heaves, diarrhea and shaking.

It’s anxiety.

This job.

The thought of having to go in and having her at me all day trying to find out about my car and giving me advice that I don’t ask for and that is completely unrealistic. 

And bitching at me for any little thing.

I have wavered in this job; at times liking it and liking her but these last two weeks, I just can’t even explain.

I’ve never worked with anyone so un-self-aware. She is so mean. 

And I’ve been walking on eggshells for so long and didn’t even realize it.

Not until the last couple weeks.

I’m tortured right now because of past decisions and actions and knowing all the things that make me me. I’m trying to say that I’ve written about being poo pooed by people for my big emotions and written off and not taking me seriously but now I’m doing it to myself.

This is awful.

Do I spend 80.00 dollars today to make $61?

Please explain that math to me. I’m losing money. I’m not making it.

This doesn’t make any sense.

Does it?

Does it make sense to spend $80.00 dollars to make $61 when I’m also agreeing to her treatment of me?

I can’t escape her there. We work in the same space. So I’m spending $80 to make $61 and to get treated like shit for it as well?

I’m going to try and get back to sleep. It’s 4AM now.

I don’t know what to do?

Neecie