Discomfort

 

Good Morning!

Monday fucking Monday. Poor Monday. It seems to be the day of the week that gets the worst rap.

It’s really not the day itself. Imagine not having to work. Monday would be the greatest day ever, lol.

But not yet.

Here I am.

Today I am contending with the weird nerve pain I sometimes get in my back. I’m going to have get up quite a bit at work as it will become unbearable if I just sit here.

It hurts.

So…

I’m quitting smoking as of right now. I did smoke this morning but I can’t stand it and I know that my health is at a standstill for now and that it will start to go down in the opposite direction I want if I don’t do this now.

Enough fucking around.

It’s hard, not having my friend.

But what a toxic fucking friend.

Ok, so there’s that.

I’m getting off coffee too.

Enough.

If I’m gonna be a slave to anything, let it be being healthy.

I am praying I can find my place in the business that has to come.

I want peace.

There is peace at the end of what I want to accomplish in the next month but there is also peace in the middle of it and that’s where I’m going to be if I just get through the things I want to do.

And I just pray with everything I have, that I can also end this with a new job.

You guys, the old tapes are playing and I’m working through them. I promise you I’m working through them but I don’t want to be here.

I don’t want to be at any job and I know that but…there’s a lot of holding people accountable except for one here and that I’m weary of it. I’m tired.

So, Frodo got adopted. Frodo, if you don’t recall, is the beautiful puppy that was brought into and back out of my life.

I’m happy for him and hoping for the best. I will always love him.

The timing was so fucking bad.

And I will carry guilt in my heart until the day I die and I so hope that there is something after this life because I envision that little soul meeting me or you know if I go first, sooner than I anticipate, that I will be there when he crosses.

I miss him sleeping curled up next to me every night and I long to have that again with another pup someday.

Now I’m sobbing at my desk again.

I have so much in front of me.

I can’t let it overwhelm me.

One thing at a time.

I want my mom.

I want my dad.

But as Samhain approaches, I need to honor them a bit more.

I just realized I have anxiety today.

It’s OK, it is what it is.

I know I want to go home, I know I don’t want to be here but there is no choice right now.

So suck it up.

Stay as busy as is possible and then get the fuck out of here.

Some of the stuff I wanted to get done yesterday; I can get done here today when we’re in down time.

So here we go.

I wish you all a blessed day.

Love & Light,

Neecie