Ensuring Failure

Hi Everyone,

Well. Y’girl is just…for the most part I’m still lost in my depression but I continue on.

The job is fine, the $$ is not.

Wah wah wah, sick of talking about $,$,$.

I read this thing last night that said the ecenomic situation is only going to continue to get worse.

That sent me spiraling.

I have to stay off my phone.

I also need to fucking stay up when I get home from work. I was in bed by 6 and didn’t get up until 5. It’s depression, it’s avoidance.

I got on the scale and it was horrible.

I have to stop.

Everything I do and think is geared to ensure my failure.

I have to stop.

I’ve gone to overthinking everything to not to thinking at all.

But I have gotten up for two days in a row and gone to work and that’s a good thing. I’m up today and will go to work and that’s a good thing.

I feel the cats and that’s a good thing.

I’m going to apply for 3 jobs this morning. Two part time and one full.

I’m still looking at full time jobs and will only apply for the fulltime ones I really want, not out of desperation and any part time job will do. 

Just show me the fucking money, ya know?

Alright, well the present dictates that I have shit to do and so I’ll do it and I’ll try and stay up this evening and do something, anything.

The sleeping pills I take are really small but I’m going to get a pill cutter and see if I can cut them in half. I think that will help with the zombie state of things.

On I go. I am grateful as fuck to be working.

So there’s that.

I hope y’all have a great day.

Be Blessed.

Love & Light,

Paul