The Flow

Good Morning!

Hmmmm, lots of thoughts. One that, if what I suspect is true, I just don’t understand. 

But this is not the place to write about that.

I applied for a ton of jobs yesterday.

I will apply for more today. My anxiety is at this place where I felt insane and I couldn’t sit still. So I just tried to use that energy to be productive and proactive.

And although not perfect, it did work.

I woke up mad though. Mad about everything. 

I need to take an ice cold shower and I need to meditate and get myself out of this place.

I had a dream with mom in it last night.

In the dream, I was driving down main street in Anoka and I lost control of my car and it was driving into oncoming traffic and all I could think was, “I’m gonna die and I hope people don’t think I’m drinking” because I wasn’t. 

I ended up abandoning the car and I was all bruised up from it and I knew I had to go to the hospital but I went to a friends house and was calling Mom and she said she’d come get me and then I was at like a food truck talking to the guy and he had all these receipts for me to go through and I was looking for something and then I ended up at this restaurant in Main Street and mom was there waiting for me and she’d just gotten a haircut. It was really pretty but something she’d never have had in real life and she’s had this sparkly black shirt on and she was really happy.

It made me think she telling me she’s happy but still here for me.

I don’t know.

I love you Mom.

I’m tired.

Like, life tired. 

But I go on.

I just go on and on and on.

With an ouchie tummy.

Just talked to beloved Rhi. My youngest and I have had some good talks…

I’m sad though. Sad and overwhelmed and I know the only way through is through.

Here we go. Another day north of the earth and trying to align myself with what is. Sometimes that’s the best we can do.

I hope you all have a good day.

Be Blessed.

Love & Light,

Neecie