I’m not even sure how to put into words, or what words to use right now.
There are none.
I’m gonna keep this sweet and to the point.
Rent got paid.
It was literally down to 45 minutes before it was due. And I had fully accepted it wouldn’t be paid. 45 minutes later, it was paid.
I got nothing. I mean it should go without saying that I’m grateful but that word, at least right now, doesn’t feel as significant as it should.
My head and what runs through it doesn’t matter. It can’t. I gotta push through.
Because my gratitude in the past hasn’t been enough. Gratitude is great but it won’t pay the bills and it does not bring on change in and of itself.
So I am grateful and I remain so and will so.
None of my self-searching or questioning matters. I have to assume that there will be a time for that.
Just like faith, gratitude means nothing without backing it up with action.
Job search, willingness to work for cash if anyone offers, packing as if so this doesn’t fall on others if we don’t make things for January. Some kind of planning and figuring stuff out too in case we don’t make it.
Yeah…words like willingness, planning, making phone calls, applying for jobs, packing.
Pumpkin is sitting next to me, a huge, beautiful fur ball. She goes with my daughter if we lose this place. I was despondent. She will never know that her life was about to change nor will she know who it is that bought her another month of stability.
A friend I haven’t seen in forever brought me some boxes. He’s so handsome!!! Don’t worry, I know that ship has sailed but he is, lol. It was incredibly kind of him to do that for me. And he said he has more if needed.
I’m going to make myself some dinner and begin this process.
Peace to all of you.
Be Blessed.
Love & Light,
Neecie
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