Well. Interesting night. This was the 2nd night in a row I did not take anything to aid me in sleep and also the 2nd night in a row without my fitbit.
I honestly have no idea how much sleep I got. Not even an idea. I know I went to bed late. I also know I woke up twice and one of the times, I found it hard to get back to sleep and I cried. Crying helped. I went back to sleep. Pumpkin likes to visit me anytime between 2AM and 3AM and so I had time with her but again, I got back to sleep and I believe it was around 6:45, I woke up for good.
You guys, I was in a rage when I woke up. I woke up from a dream that I can't even begin to fully explain but it was kindof apocalyptic.
I managed to calm myself down.
I'm getting better with the dream thing because they used to fuck up my entire day. And now...I can talk myself down.
But that rage...I haven't felt rage in a long, long time. I've been angry. Anger is normal as long as you don't stay stuck in it. Rage though? There is rarely a reason for rage unless you are in fight or flight and need to tear shit up and burn it down is upon you.
I had a good day yesterday. My sister came out and we got a burger. Clearly, because of some of the things that showed up in my bloodwork, I need more iron and I am unable to take iron supplements because they fuck my shit up royally so more food that are iron rich and I literally never eat red meat anymore because it's so expensive but I'm going to have a bit more of it in my diet. And lots of spinach. Luckily, I love spinach, as long as it's raw. I can eat it cooked in certain circumstances.
And my mom, she has had to get iron transfusions, not blood, but iron. I'm open to that if it means I'll get better. So much of my exhaustion can be explained by this.
As for today, there is much to do.
As far as my damn lists, one project per week or two. Although I can't afford it, I'm going to at least ask what a garage would cost me. So many of the things I have in storage can go in the garage because they are not dependent on temperature.
I know that clearing out this apartment would help me mentally so much.
Anyways, I digress.
My sister. Yes, she took us out for lunch and then we hung out. She looked so pretty. Now I'm back to wanting my hair blond again but just...the damage it did, ya know? I was thinking though, that maybe, but only when I can afford it, I'll do the blond again but when I need a touch up, I'll only do the crown area, to keep it bright and pretty. Once the gray comes in, it really gets so dull looking.
We are not there yet though because I can't afford it...so today, I have to cover up this damn gray again. God, once it kicks in, it really just kicks in.
Getting old sucks.
But yeah, my sister looked so pretty.
She traveled this summer and she told me a little bit more about her trip.
She had a good time. I am still wanting to travel once I get laid off, but I think I'll probably skip the Florida trip. There's reasoning behind it but no need to go into that here.
I'd like to maybe do a whole New England trip. I'd like to spend time with several people. It would require a rental car though. I have to figure this all out.
I do know that Washington is a for sure.
I literally won't have to get a hotel room and I literally won't have to rent a car.
This morning, my daughter was up early. She's really been making an effort to drive and my brother inlaw has been so good about driving all the way out here, picking her up and driving with her.
So this morning, she and I went on a drive and she's doing so well. One freak out, because a little bunny ran out in front of us but she was able to break and the bunny made it safely to the other side.
I have some ideas about today but it'll be what it is and we'll just go from there.
Pain today is minimal so that's good too.
I think I can have a nice day and just relax into it and like I said, let it be what it will be.
So on that note, I shall return tomorrow.
I hope you have a wonderful day.
Be Blessed.
Love & Light,
Neecie
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