Hi Everyone. Well. Yesterday? Not good. I crashed. I have no idea what these "cycles" are that I experience it and I am done labeling it. I just have to ride them out I guess.
There is way too much noise in the world right now. Just way to much. I'm tired of it. I can't hear it all, it has become this clashing, crashing cacophony of loudness and it seems to me that it's driven by all the hate and fear in the world.
I know I can't change any of that. I only know I can change me and that's where the whole protect my personal peace thing comes in but in protecting my own peace, I am coming to realize that it's not just about me, it's about everyone I come in contact with. I'm not here to teach anyone anything. It's not ego. But it's about love. I keep getting these messages in my dreams and this morning, the sun was shining in right on my face. I had been having a dream about Pumpkin's paws and I woke up to the sun on my face. And I saw something, but I no longer know what it was, I just know it was good and I know that today will be much better than yesterday but I also know that I have to let a lot of things go.
I can't hate anymore. I can't live in this fear. It's so awful, going down that rabbit hole of the state of the world.
I can't worry about all the things that have been worrying me. You guys, I was in pain all day yesterday with stomach issues.
It was horrid. I ate tums like there was no tomorrow.
I'm going to fast and just drink tons of water today in an effort to reset myself.
I keep thinking of that saying, "we are not human beings, but rather, we are spiritual beings on a human journey.
And this journey? It's hard. Let's just...at our most honest, it's hard.
If you really want to get "out there", I have realized something and it won't mean anything to anyone whose not ready to hear it but this country? It's not ours. This world? It belongs to everyone and everything and we just...we blew it.
When did man first corrupt himself with greed and power? When did love lose it's foothold as the supreme goal? When did hate and fear take hold? When did me and mine become a thing? We are all ours, we all belong to one another - this applies to the grass, to the waters, to the mountains and the sky...all of ours and we are theirs.
We got it all wrong and the descendants of that first group of "higher" intelligence humanoids, this is our legacy.
If animals could speak, I think they would tell us that they feel so sorry for us.
There is enough in this world to sustain us all but yet...people go without, people are subject to horrors at the whim of those few in power.
Yesterday was so dark, it was just so dark for me, all the anxiety and sadness and feelings of being overwhelmed took hold.
You know what? Fuck all the shit going on in the world. I have no control over it, none. But the one thing I do own is the one thing that no one can take, even if I were to offer it up, they can't truly have it and that's me, that's my spirit and I can choose to focus on that and feed that.
Because my spirit belongs to everything and everyone, that's what I believe we return to.
I know this will scare people when I say that I often times long to "go home" because of how hard this life is, and I know that others have it so much worse. I will go home someday. And I hope I never, ever, have to come back here. I want to learn what we come here to learn this time so that I don't have to come back.
So I'm not there yet, I'm not fully committed but it gives me some peace to know that I can go back anytime I want to. I don't have to choose to stay here.
But for now I do, for now.
And I don't know how much time I have left but I'd like to pay off my debt and then...I don't know how but I want to say goodbye to the expectations that society puts on us and just experience living...
I don't want to work until I'm 80. I want some freedom, I want to share what's in my heart, which is love and curiosity and good conversation. I want to do some good.
If I somehow find what it takes to make this happen, I will always share with others. I will share what monetary blessings I have because I truly believe that in order to keep it, we have to give it away, and I will share love too.
I have had great love in this lifetime too and there are some who have never known it so I want to give that away where I can as well.
How's this for an out there blog post?
I can't go on this way. It's eating me up inside.
That's what hate and fear do.
When the power of love overcomes the love of power, we shall know peace - Jimi Hendrix.
Blessed Be Our Journey.
Love & Light,
Neecie
No comments:
Post a Comment