Good morning,
How is everybody this morning? I am good but I really didn’t sleep. Full moon today so I am assuming that tonight will be better. At least for the most part, I know to be prepared for these nights now.
I had a weird day and it ended on a good note but it was just weird. I went into work late yesterday, I mean, I let my boss know and everything so everything is fine, but I got so overwhelmed by the apartment. I had cleaned this weekend and I just felt like it was blowing up again and out of control.
So I called in, and I did all the dishes, I cleaned my car out completely, I showered, and I even put a little make up on. I went for a walk I meditated and it was actually a good morning, but I had to take time off to do it. And to make myself feel some measure of peace.
I like to think that I’m on this journey and I’m getting my shit together but sometimes I wonder if I really am. I wonder what is really changing.
I wonder if I am really changing.
I met my friend for dinner last night and it was so fun and we laughed and talked and just had a great time, but you know, I came home and I was pooped. But I just laid in bed and could not get to sleep and when I finally did, I woke up at like Two in the morning and I did not go back to sleep until about 4:30 and I allowed myself to sleep until six and now I’m in go mode to get to work on time, but I realized something. And I think I’ve said this before, but I am very, very lonely.
Much of it is my fault because I get so tired during the week that when I get home, I don’t allow myself to talk to friends or see friends during the week and then on the weekends of course, usually people are busy with their own plans. And I just keep plugging along.
Seeing my friend last night made me realize that I am just still way too rigid in my thinking and how I go about life.
I don’t want to sit here and bash on myself. It’s just hard. I feel like so much of my children’s childhood was missed by me because I was doing my own thing and had my own agenda. And now they’re grown, and I miss them.
It’s not like I never see my kids, I live with one of them, but our schedules are so different and it’s just hard.
I feel sometimes like I’m just in this vicious circle of existence and I wanna be in the middle of life and I want to experience it.
I usually only pray in the mornings, right after I meditate but last night I offered up myself to whatever the greater consciousness really is and I just said that apparently my way of doing things isn’t working and I need help And I just sort of surrendered myself to that and said, I’m open. Please guide me and show me and lead me to something better. Something different.
And I think I’m kind of morose this morning because I’m so tired and tired isn’t something I wear well.
I hope this isn’t too much of a downer of a blog. Here’s the video I posted yesterday along with the short that I posted.
Again, I continue to be so grateful for the support that you all show me with my channel.
It is the only creative outlet, other than my blog, that I have allowed myself lately, and I really need to allow myself to do the other things that fool me and make me happy.
But yes, thank you for the support.
OK, well on with my day. I certainly wish you guys a really good one!
Be blessed.
Love and Light,
Neecie
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