The Veil is Lifted

Hi Guys,

Big, deep breath because today is gonna be a doozy.

I got some offers of help for the rent. In a couple minutes, I need to call the office to figure out how to pay this because it's coming from a couple different sources.

Part of what I owe is the utilities and that's an entirely separate payment but still considered to be part of the rent.

While I am deeply grateful for the help, I am deeply filled with shame too.

You know, I can piss and moan and beat myself up but here we still are and it is what it is.

Today is go day for everything. I woke up at 4 and couldn't sleep so I applied for 3 jobs. I'm going to try and get set up with instacart today which I'm just mortified by but again, is what it is.

In speaking with my sister yesterday, I told her that I'm in this place now....it's different for me. I like to think that there has been all this change but here I am again and the veil has been lifted.

Again, not the time to beat myself up, time to get shit moving and happening.

Today, it's figuring out all the payments, selling my couch so I can pay other bills that are coming due and making bathbombs.

It's all I have right now and I don't expect anyone to foot my fucking bill.

If this is all happening by my design than it's up to me to change the design.

Do I always have to hit bottom in order to see where I fucked up?

I guess I do.

Ok, so I'm gonna shut up about all that now.

And I'm not going to say I hate today because who knows, maybe a miracle will happen...

So onward lil' soldier, lil' Dighty Jo.

Please send good energy, not just for today but for a job, for a budget that's doable and for me to get out of this mess I've made.

It takes a village and my village is showing up. I didn't ask for it, but here they are and I am really grateful.

Here is part 2 of the update videos. I'll be shooting another video today too.

Ok, I have to go down to the office now.

Have a great day.

Be Blessed.

Love & Light,

Neecie