It's a frickin' no sleep, poopin' morning. Lovely.
I have to be honest, I'll probably go back to sleep for an hour or two. I'm so drained.
Ummm, yeah, so many things going through my mind but the past is the past; there is no shoulda, coulda, woulda in any of this.
So if I go delinquent on my rent, I will get charged 10% of my rent per day for 10 days and then they begin the eviction process.
This is bad.
I'm OK.
All I can do is keep moving. I am so detached from this, I have no choice but to face it but I am detached. I'm trying not to feel any of this.
My daughter has a place to stay and it was offered to me to come there too. The cats could be there but I don't think there's actually a room for my daughter and I to stay in so I might have her stay there and like I said, I am so in I give no fucks whatsoever mode that I will stay in my car. The back seats drop and I can put a litter box in the trunk so Grey and Mocha can access it.
And you know, hopefully this won't be forever.
I know this is how this happens and where it starts but...you know, I always say that I'm Denise MF Johnson so time to put that to the test.
I'm not going to cancel my gym membership again because that's where I'll be showering, etc.
The one thing I can't default on is the loan I took out because they have a lien on my car so at this point, it's just about paying my bills and if I live in my car for awhile, I can save money.
When I let this sink in, I get sick so it's just straight ahead, plow through, jump into it and don't think about it.
Looking back, I see it all so clearly. But that doesn't change what is now. I take full responsibility for this.
I think I used my 9 lives up and now it's me. It's all me. And maybe that's what Mom was trying to really say in the dream I had of her.
The dreams I've had about both mom and dad both seemed to indicate that I'll be OK.
I'm gonna go with that.
I did apply for a lot of jobs yesterday. I just don't know why no one calls me back. It's so frustrating.
Here's the video I published today.
Ok, I'm out. I hope you all have a great day.
Be Blessed.
Love & Light,
Neecie
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