Yesterday though. I started out great but then quickly went downhill. I got in over 10 job apps though before the pfffft.
So there's that. I've applied for one this morning.
I had a weird experience last night. I woke up at 3 and couldn't back to sleep so I got up and I felt physically anxious if that makes sense. My mental state was not one of my anxiety but my body was feeling it big time. I felt all the strength drain out of my stomach and legs and then I couldn't breath. It reminded me of when I had the bleeding ulcer.
I was going to call 911 and then I decided not to. What I'm about to write is going to scare some people and it's not meant to scare anyone. I'm not planning my demise, not at all. I'm still here trying. But here we go. I didn't call 911 because I looked in my daughter's room and she's going through so much because of all this shit too and I just thought, "If this is a heart attack, or a stroke, or a bleeding ulcer, maybe it'd be better to let it happen." I felt like, if this is it, I'm ready.
So I went to bed.
And I woke up. LOL, here I am. Another day. And I feel fine. I checked my oxygen level and it's 98%. My body doesn't feel sick like it did last night. My legs are intact and good.
Just some weird thing I guess. Not sure what it's all about.
And I ended up taking a second edible because at that point, I realized I wouldn't be able to get back to sleep on my own and I was going on just under 4 hours of sleep at that point. It took about an hour to get back to sleep but I woke up with 8 hours and 29 minutes of sleep in the bag and that's great.
No dreams.
I had a dream a couple nights ago, I call them flash dreams. Did I write about this already? I don't think so. I was in and out of sleep and I was at that place where you're mostly asleep but still close to wakefulness and I kept seeing different women dressed all in black. One looked like a puritan and she was screaming, one had more of a witches dress on and her black hair was flowing in the wind and she just looked at me...those are the two I distinctly remember but there were at least 5 different women I saw. And then I saw a litter of black puppies in a pile on this really green, fresh grass. They were in my backyard in the dream, even though I don't have one in real life. There had to be at least 10 puppies. They were in a pile, too little to really go to far and they seemed happy, like it wasn't a bad thing.
Usually, I can fairly quickly ascertain the meaning of my dreams but this one has me stumped.
Black symbolizes the unknown, the unconscious, danger, mystery, darkness, death, mourning, rejection, hate or malice. The color invites you to delve deeper in your unconscious in order to gain a better understanding of yourself. It also signifies a lack of love and lack of support. More positively, black represents potential and possibilities. It is like a clean or blank slate.
To see a woman in your dream represents nurturance, passivity, caring nature, and love. It refers to your own female aspects or your mother. Alternatively, a woman indicates temptation and guilt.
To see a litter of puppies in your dream is indicative of the amount of time that an idea has been developing or will take to develop. Look to the number of puppies to give you that approximate amount of time.
To see green grass in your dream suggests that there is a part of yourself that you can always rely on. The dream is also symbolic of natural protection.
So you can see why this one is weird for me. And there can be several different meanings depending on the content or overall feeling of the dream. The women weren't bad or in danger. Now as I'm writing, I feel like maybe they are representative of me and different aspects of myself.
I don't feel like the women represented temptation or guilt. Of course, they put temptation in with woman. Could someone cut us some fucking slack?
The rest of it, I just don't know.
But I'll think about it.
I call these flash dreams because they are literally only a flash of a dream, maybe one second long but they leave an imprint. The dream I had of Dad was a flash dream. But these dreams are incredibly vivid. I can tell you everything about the dream about Dad and would take way longer to describe it than the length of time, the dream was there.
But yes, I don't do so good at night anymore. I don't like night anymore. Too much stress at night. At least during the day, I can try to lie myself into believing we'll be OK but at night...torture.
I'm trying you guys. I am going to start throwing shit out and offering shit up for sale; my new furniture all of that.
I'll let you know when it's available.
But it will be this week.
I hope you all have an amazing day.
Be Blessed.
Love & Light,
Neecie
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