Rewards

 

Good Morning,

And it is. But my tummy is all over the place. I ate Italian sausage and pasta last night so I'm not surprised. I pay when I eat those kinds of things but it's only once in awhile soooo....a necessary evil I suppose.

I'm trying now to really stick to my goals, my goals for each day. Having something to focus on really helps me from losing my shit over things going on right now.

I got some good things done yesterday; dyed my hairs, gave myself a facial, cleaned my bathroom and cleaned my daughter's bathroom, did about 3 different cycles of dishwashing, did a bunch of laundry and I made a list for today. 

And I think it's a manageable list.

The one thing I have to do today that I really don't want to do is go to the laundromat. My daughter's comforter got nasty and our washing machine is WAY to little although I may give it a shot. Ugh, it just seems like a huge waste of time to have to go do that because of course, you have to sit there while it runs through and then you have to dry the damn thing.

I feel so bad for people who have to do that on the regular. Something to be grateful for I think. Anywhere you can find your gratitude, fucking do it.

I really need to go for a walk and I'm mad at myself. It's March in MN and I packed up all my hats and gloves and scarves.

It's not freezing by any means but it is cold out. My ears are super sensitive, even in the summer and it's warm out, or even hot, if there's a breeze, my ears end up hurting.

I do have a hoody on so I suppose I could use the hood but it's one with no ties so it won't be tight.

Ugh.

Because I'm poor as fuck and have no job, I have set some rewards for myself in the future if I hit this next round of goals and I'm not going to state what those goals are but suffice to say they mainly have to do with the whole consistency thing and turning these things into something I do, like breathing. I just do them, they are a part of me and I can do them quickly and efficiently.

I don't spend money like a mofo anymore. Those days are done, no excuses.

But there are a few things that I consistently have to talk myself out of buying. So I made a little list for myself and when I hit this next round of goals, I'll get these things for myself.

Life just simply cannot be about surviving. There has to be some joy and reward.

But there really shouldn't be instant gratification.

I have to tell you, for some reason, that reminded me of something I saw on a local newsfeed I saw. Some dude in my city was busted for narcotics and um, unlawful possession of a firearm.

They had a fucking picture of his shit, his dope. It was crack. There's no way that was meth. I've never done meth but I've seen it. This was crack, so much crack and I was like...sometimes the weirdos take hold man and they were spinning all kinds of thoughts in my head. It wasn't a trigger in the sense that it made me want to go do it but it made me think about wanting to go do it. There was so much. I'd literally kill myself if I had that much dope and that's another thing to be grateful for, isn't it? That that part of my life seems to be over and that I can have these thoughts but detach from them relatively quickly.

Crack is whack.

Oh, for those of you who care...stop using air bnb. Look it up.

I feel a little bit empowered because I've stepped away from Amazon and I thought it would be awful, but here I am, still standing, still getting the things I need and supporting small businesses in the process. I still shop at Targhetto, Wallyworld and the like...you kindof can't avoid it, ya know? But I'm hoping I'll get better and better at shopping alternatives.

I might be going to what I believe is a fundraiser to benefit Ukranians here in the states and also to send support for Ukraine itself. That's on Friday. We'll see. 

It makes me feel so good to be able to do something when everything else feels so out of control, it's good to have some where you can.

Alright, well, my earpods are charged so I'm going to go on a walk as that is on my list.

I'll be back tomorrow.

I hope the sun is shining where you are and if it's not, just know it's there.

I hope you all have a great day.

Be Blessed.

Love & Light,

Neecie