Man. No sleep. Well, some sleep.
And a good, steady, productive day yesterday. I'm not spiraling but I am feeling fragile so steady is the plan for today as well.
We're gonna lost the apartment.
I came to a place of acceptance with that last night but that's probably why I didn't sleep.
I'm not allowing myself too much anxiety over it. I can't. And I'm sure most people would be like, "what the fuck are you gonna do?"
I don't know. I only know that panic will make this worse.
There is peace in doing the usual things and there is peace in consistency. My days off having temper tantrums and going into victim mode are over.
We've been OK and we will continue to be so.
Today, the fucking cleaning is getting done again, along with packing up my bedroom closet and the pantry.
Only things we don't need right in this moment.
If we get evicted, we'll have until the end of April.
So just what we don't need right now.
So cleaning and packing and job search.
I've been incredibly good at not eating out, you know not spending anything other than what's needed.
I do have some piece of mind that this time around, this is not because I'm being irresponsible. This is life on life's terms. It happens regardless and often times, we have no control over it.
I can't fight anymore, there's enough of that in the world. Better to align myself with the flow than to fight against it.
That doesn't mean I'm going to stop trying. It just means that acceptance is so much better.
So on that note, guys, I'm going to go meditate and then I'll start the packing and cleaning and sometime before noon, I will begin the job search again.
It's really all I can do.
Just keep on keeping on.
Keep us in your thoughts if you would, send some good juju. It can't hurt.
Have a great day.
Be Blessed.
Love & Light,
Neecie
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