Do or Do Not

Hi Guys,

Wow. I am so tired. I mean, not enough sleep but also, I had a dream about Dad. The dream was like...2 seconds long because I woke up from it but in that short time, we connected and there were symbols and he expressed his love for me.

I have been crying ever since.

The message was to stay strong and to keep going and to let love win.

And...of course, to let me know he loves me.

I can hear my daughter crying out from her bedroom. She's been having nightmares lately. If it continues, I'll go wake her.

So with all the tears, I am just utterly exhausted.

It's just been so long since I've seen him, my Dad. 

It was beautiful and so needed.

But again, and I'm sorry to sound like a broken record, I'm exhausted. I'm also emotionally spent at this point.

I'm not sure how to get through this day productively but I'm gonna try. 

And that's all I've got.

I'm gonna try.

Stupid fucking phone interview today but we are past the point of fixing this and hanging on to the apartment so I kind of feel like saying fuck it, why bother.

But then...Dad.

Stay strong...keep going.

I want to curl up into a ball and keep crying but I guess I've done that already. Two of the cats were worried about me and came to offer comfort. 

I am obsessed with my cats and I want another one. I want a boy for Pumpkin to play with.

I just feel like being reckless but I would never get another kitty when all of this is going on.

Ok, well here I go to try. 

Yoda said, "No, Try not. Do or do not, there is no try."

Here I go to do...something...anything.

Be Blessed.

Love & Light,

Neecie