Hello,
Pumpkin got out.
I’m just sitting out here freezing and it’s dark out. I can’t see her. If I spot her and move towards her, she takes off. My back is screaming.
Ok, she went inside. On her own.
I don’t know what to do. My back hurts so bad.
It’s hard, pain is hard and this has just been a few weeks for me. How do people do it everyday?
I know I have to go to work but it’s killing me, all I can think about is how much worse the pain is going to get.
And how I’ll be hobbling at the end of my shift and how tomorrow I have to work 8 hours.
Why me?
Self pity I know.
My roommate just ordered me a back brace and some protein powder. I did receive some money for food but I need to use it for Ubers because…no car.
I’m trying to hang on but I want out.
This isn’t depression. This is circumstance. I’m so sick of certain people saying, “You need to go get help.” I want to scream two things at them. One is, “Are YOU going to pay for me to get help” and two is, “I need a car, a decent job.”
Just don’t even know what to do anymore?
I just don’t want to do this.
I saw a bunny last night in the back yard. A huge bunny and she wasn’t even scared of me. When we lived here before, I chose a bunny for mom.
I just don’t know if she came to tell me to hold on or if she came to tell me it’s ok to come home.
People say don’t leave five minutes before the miracle happens but I’ve been waiting a long time for those miracles. I need big ones now.
Selfish.
I’ll go in today and I’ll try tomorrow with the back brace but if it doesn’t help, I don’t know. I don’t have much more in me.
It’s been too much. Too much loss and bad change and awful experience.
That job though; that woman kicked my ass.
I know I need to move on but I just feel so beat up.
Debbie Downer in tha house.
I hope you all have a good day.
Be Blessed.
Love & Light,
Neecie
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