Good Morning,
How is everyone doing? I hope you are all well.
I am devastated.
By everything.
The puppy is going back today. I would do anything to be
able to keep him for myself. He’s coming along in his potty training and he does
have diarrhea but oh my God, he sleeps all curled up in my neck.
But it’s the right thing to do given my circumstances. And I
understand why my boy can’t keep him. He’s being realistic and I applaud that.
But it all hurts so much.
So very much.
I don’t know how much more I can take. I stopped breathing
on the way to work again.
I almost didn’t come in today but I can’t do that either.
My daughter is texting, she wants to keep him too. She’s
offering to get a second job.
I told her to ask for one more day…
How quickly I’ve gotten used to having him in my arms at
night.
Obedience training is $350.00 for 3 different courses,
beginning through advanced. I mean…maybe? If we could get him through our
lease, I would then be able to get the hell out of these apartments.
I am really trying to come to terms with what’s practical
vs. what’s best for the puppy and for us and what’s best could be argued either
way.
There’s so much I don’t know. How often do we get their
nails clipped? How do I socialize him? Tick medicine? Vet checks? He’s not done
with his shots yet.
I know I wasn’t ready for this. I’ve known for years that I
want a puppy, a dog but I also knew I wasn’t ready. It was not in the immediate
plan.
There is so much going on beyond the puppy.
I’m sad. I’m overwhelmed. I’m worried.
There is a lot going on.
I got my nails done finally and my wounds are all healing
but there is one of my leg that needs to be reopened as there are these…I don’t
know how to explain them. They are hardened balls inside the wound, just
underneath the scab that are created by all the medicine and lotion I put on. I
have to pull them out as they could cause infection down the road.
Of all the anxiety/OCD disorders I could get, why dermatillomania?
I’ll take care of it tonight. I’m going to need needles to do it as the nails
prevent me from doing it on my own with my fingers.
Which is exactly what they are supposed to do but still
gotta get these things out.
I do NOT want to be here today.
I’m afraid of going home to no puppy.
How can you fall in love so quickly?
I don’t know…I didn’t ask for this on top of all the other
hell we have had to deal with. Falling in love, albeit with a puppy, was not in
the cards.
I don’t want him to feel abandoned. I know he loves us too;
so trusting and such a menace in the best way.
Maybe I will go home today. We’ll see.
Some of this may seem cryptic and some of you may be
wondering…what the hell has happened? What exactly is going on? Not my story to
tell.
This blog comes with the internal agreement that it’s all
about me. I may write about who I hang out with and what we do and some
non-invasive info but this is about me.
It’s supposed to be about progress and forward movement but
it seems instead to be…
Whatever it is I guess.
Gotta go. There’s nothing to do here, I’m all caught up. But…7
hours until I’m out of here.
Sigh.
I hope you all have a good day.
I hope you’re all happy.
Be Blessed.
Love & Light,
Neecie
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