On and On and On

Helloooo,

Pffft. The depression really kicked in yesterday. It was crushing. My daughter had a birthday party last night at her and her husbands new house and I was able to go and engage and smile and laugh. I’m so afraid that with this depression, no one will want me around. I’m in the verge of tears always. I’m fighting dark thoughts.

Always.

I am so overwhelmed.

Today is Mother’s Day and I know I have to put on my happy face again.

Don’t get me wrong; I love my children. They are it, my everything.

I hate that depression makes us so self-centered. My pain, my pain, my pain.

Ugh!

You guys, I keep saying I need help.

There is insurance after 60 days at this job but with such a low wage, I’m afraid of how on earth I’ll be able to afford it. And it makes me hate the 1% even more. They have no idea what us mere mortals go through.

No matter what, my happy face HAS to stay on at this new job. I am hanging on to hope that this whole experience has a deeper place in my life that I can’t see yet.

Hope is so hard.

But there has to be a way out of this. 

There has to be. There is no quality of life other than shitty quality feeling these things.

Why be here if this is it?

But. I go on. I go on and on and on and on.

I will try to have some kind of day other than a shitty one. 

I’ll just try to turn this frown upside down.

Alright.

To you Mom’s; You are everything. 

Happy Mother’s Day.

I hope you are spoiled and made to feel acknowledged and loved.

Be Blessed.

Love & Light,

Neecie