Noisy

Oh you Guys,

Here at work and questioning everything. It’s just awful.

I so wish the noise in my brain would just…stop.

Just for one day. What would it be like not to have this constant anxiety and racing thoughts. They race so fast, I can’t catch even one of them.

I don’t claim to understand what’s happening to me. I know it’s better to live in reality but it sucks.

There’s no way around that.

My older girl, Grey? I know I’ve written about my worries with her. This morning, when I got in the shower, she stood by the shower curtain and just yowled and yowled and yowled. She didn’t seem to be in pain and by the time I left for work, she was cuddled up to my daughter.

It makes me so sad. Each day, I wonder if tomorrow will be the day she leaves me. When I wake up early or in the middle of the night, I pet her to make sure she’s ok.

I won’t be able to afford to have anyone come to me to put her down. I’ll have to bring her in somewhere. Which will be stressful for her.

I can’t bear it.

Best not to think of such things until they are here.

It just fills me with dread.

Stop Denise. 

She’s safe and comfortable right now. See, my brain is able to fixate on negative 

My momma sent me something in the mail that will ease things up a bit but I don’t think I’m gonna make rent.

I can’t keep on doing this but I also know I have no choice.

Fuck.

Lord help me.

Lord knows I need it. Help I mean.

In all aspects of my life apparently.

Deep breath.

Alright, well I’m just sitting here at my desk and my anxiety is off the charts so I thought I’d write again.

Hope y’all are having a good morning!!

Be Blessed.

Love & Light,

Neecie