Good Morning,
Ugh! I woke up with the crud. My plan is to go back to bed and get some more sleep. But I seem to be procrastinating that. Geez, when you start procrastinating laziness, then apparently you experience laziness on a level that I personally did not know could be achieved. Ha! So I have already accomplished something.
I bummed about it because I was supposed to meet a friend but I really am sick with a little something and my body is just…meh.
Plus, she is blessed to have a job. I don’t want to get her sick and force possible time off on her.
I’m so tired.
Well let’s try and write something productive shall we? Back to bed and then the word of the week is STOP. I’m going to make a list of all the changes I want to make that require one simple thing; like, literally no effort. These are the things that all I have to do is STOP doing them. No other effort whatsoever. Just STOP.
Because that will get a whole slew of shit out of the way. Yeah, yeah, believe me, I know. Easier said than done but sometimes I react better to simplification. Simple mind, simple girl, just fucking STOP.
I overthink everything. I think we’ve established that. So it is no new news to you and it is no new news to me.
I got a little boom from the universe yesterday, but it’s one that’s freaking me out.
I had a neighbor knock on my door last week and it was a dude, a younger dude. He was asking me all sorts of questions. He lives up on third floor and him, and his roommate are considering transferring to the apartment across from me. So he wanted to know if my neighbors are loud, etc. and he wanted to introduce himself and all that.
That’s really nice, but I am a freak of nature and these kinds of contact throw me off. Remember that I am an extroverted introvert. I don’t want to know my neighbors. And I don’t remember before I quit blogging, if I told you about the lady that lives on third floor also. Apparently third floor breeds strangeness. Yeah, she is very nice but very different. And she is the opposite of what I am politically. I am trying so hard to work on the kindness thing and just let people be who they are, but when it comes to my personal life, I just can’t get on board with certain things. I can let her be what she is, but it doesn’t mean I want to pursue a friendship. She made a statement last week in the hallway and I had to tell her that I don’t believe that and that my politics are very different from hers. I could tell she was upset.
So anyway, that happened with the Dude last week and yesterday, I came inside yesterday and he was at my door again. I’m sure that I made it clear I was not happy about this turn of events. Well then he gave me an Aldi gift card.
And I felt really bad, because it was a lovely gesture. It really was. He has no idea of how I am and that stranger interactions freaked me out. And he ended the conversation with, God bless you.
I will probably have to say this over and over and over again. I am not anti-Christian, my personal belief system encompasses things that can be found in all religions, and I celebrate the fact that people get to choose what they believe. Unfortunately, God bless you now comes with fully loaded possibilities. For me, there are some who have weaponized that statement.
I make certain assumptions. I did say thank you and you too. And I do feel awful because the gift card was for $50. This means we’ll eat this week. Keep in mind that I’m three days away from rent and still need to come up with about $400.
So eating this week was not going to be in the plan. I’m grateful. I am going to get him a thank you card and give it to him. It’s the kind, right thing to do.
The universe provided through him and I have to remember that receiving and then saying thank you doesn’t mean I have to be buddy buddy with him. If he is what I fear he is, I am not obligated to sit and listen to it.
I need to just be grateful and move on.
It’s so funny, because I have so many friends who have helped us in one way or the other and done very kind, thoughtful things but when it’s a stranger, I freak out and I think that there are underlying motivations, and I get suspicious and scared.
Clearly, I need to stop doing this.
OK, well I think I am going to go lay down now. Here is my short for the day.
Be Blessed.
Love & Light,
Neecie
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