Hi everyone,
Y’all, your girl had a day yesterday. Yesterday I got to experience some very big emotions and I also got to experience working through them as opposed to reacting to them. Or maybe I should say I got the experience of not reacting from a place of anger.
You know, I have definitely been mad about things since getting the DBT therapy And I’ve been hurt and all the things, but I haven’t had the experience of escalating into rage in a long, long time.
It did not go to rage. I think I must’ve brought my barometer for anger down. This is a good thing. But it definitely was the first time in at least a few years that I’ve experienced it to the degree it went to.
Anger is normal. It’s an emotion. It’s a reaction. It’s human. I’m not mad at myself for getting angry and I don’t think I did anything wrong in getting angry. But I realized immediately OK, here we are, and I am pretty mad right now And what do I do with it.
You know, I used to react by puking it all over social media, by attacking the person that brought up the anger, or should I say their actions brought up the anger. The thing about that, is while it felt good in the moment, yeah, of course it hurt the person, but it hurt me too. And I would feel embarrassed and ashamed of myself because of my reactions.
And I guess somewhere along the line, some of the self-love stuff I’ve been working on, must be taking hold because two things were very clear to me yesterday; one was that I didn’t want to hurt the person whose actions made me angry, and the second was that quite frankly, I didn’t wanna feel it and I didn’t wanna hurt myself.
All this stuff may sound like a no-brainer to any of you normal people reading this blog but let me tell you, I am feeling very grateful right now for all the work I’ve done and I’m feeling a little bit of pride.
The situation that brought this on has not been resolved. But I reached out to people I trust, I vented. And I’ll tell you something about anger, it’s spurs you want to action because there were actions that needed to be taken, and I took them. I didn’t just wilt into a ball of self-pity because part of the problem had to be dealt with immediately and I did, I dealt with that.
I hadn’t gotten a lot of sleep the night before and so I allowed myself to take a nap and I cleaned up a few things around the apartment and then my Bestie called me and we talked for quite a while.
I wish I could bottle up our conversations because I think if everyone could have conversations like this, where you get to bitch and you get to vent and then you laugh hysterically and then you talk seriously about what is going on and how you’re gonna deal with it and then you laugh some more, then maybe you cry a bit but there’s all this acceptance and love and it meant a lot to me.
My wish for everyone is that they are afforded this. The universe may throw awful fucking bullshit at us, and I don’t always get that, but you know at least the universe also seems to throw a solution at us if we choose to take it.
So yeah, it was a day. I honestly have no plans for today. I’m just gonna kind of go through it and see where we end up.
That’s what I’ve got for you today.
I hope y’all all have a great day.
B Blessed.
Love & Light,
Neecie
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