These things pass

It’s me again.

Twofer.

How can a morning that is calm and productive and…if not overwhelmingly happy, at least doable, turn so wrong? I’m in fight or flight and I want to leave…now.

Like right now.

I feel like I’m already gone. I feel like this place is already my past.

It’s ok to feel that way but not to bolt. I don’t feel safe here. Nothing bad happened. I just…I feel bad for my coworker and that’s all I’m gonna say. She’s my boss and my coworker. I can’t go into her details.

I work very hard at shielding myself from the feelings of others because I am very susceptible to being triggered by them.

It’s not her fault, this happens. But work is the one place I can’t gracefully bow out of and go home.

This can’t be over soon enough.

It’s an I want my mom kind of day.

Just want her so much. I had an amazing mom; kind, affectionate, caring, loving.

Momma.

I’m going to be ok. One hour and 15 minutes and I’ll go park somewhere for 30 minutes. It’s a crying day. I cried on the way into work and I guess I’ll cry at lunch too.

These things pass but we have no choice to feel them and process them and move on. I really must not have gotten enough sleep last night either. I’m wiped out.

I got this; Feel it, process it, move on. And my goal will be to sleep tonight…early bedtime :)

All right, I am at lunch now. I ate before I went to lunch because I didn’t wanna buy lunch so I brought my lunch and now I’m full so I won’t buy lunch and you see where this is going. I am rambling.

I’m a little better, I think just getting out of the little enclosure we work in helped. I mean the bottom line is, man, sometimes you just gotta ride it out you know?

We are wrapping things up, and I have this whole list of things I have to do but the majority of them, I don’t know how to do because I’ve never done a year-end wrap up here. This is my first one. And hopefully my last. But even so, I still have to do it. Her door has been shut ever since I walked out after talking to her. So I picked something I know how to do and it’s just busy work, but it’s work that needs to be done so I guess that’s something.

I have a feeling that will be the rest of my day here. Tomorrow morning, I’m just gonna say look I need to know how to do this shit.

And I do have a feeling I’ll be done Friday because I Cannot see not getting these things done.

So two more paychecks and then the shit hits the fan.

Maybe.

We shall see what the gods have in store for me. Should be interesting, it always is. All right, I’m out of here. I’m going to spend the rest of my lunch planning my evening. I’m so Flippin tired, I need to be in bed by 8 PM no matter what.

Wish me luck with that will ya?

Peace! Love! Hippy Beads.

Neecie