Oh man. Today was better as far as the pooping but I gotta tell ya, I don't think there is one single person on this planet who is as full of shit as I am.
I am dead fucking serious. Only six times today. But everything hurts again.
I am blogging tonight because tomorrow, I can't take working until 4:30 so I'm going in at 6 and I'm not gonna take a lunch and I'm the fuck out of there by 2.
My boss said yes, that's OK with her. She is going through a lot but she seems to be aware that I'm not quite myself of late and she see's me have to get up and go to the bathroom and she see's me holding me ear while I'm at my computer and she always gives me a compassionate look or says she's sorry I'm not feeling well.
So it made me happy she said yes.
For tonight? Well, I have a load of laundry in and I think I'm going to take everything in the fridge and throw it out and clean the fuck out of the fridge because it's nasty. It just is.
It's not like there's a ton in there anyways, ya know?
But like...just so I can say I got something done.
I took a shower this morning because I've been so down for the count, I haven't take one in two days. That's the kiss of death for me, especially when I'm pooping constantly.
It's been hard to blog about my goals or my feelings of late and how I'm dealing with them because when you're sick, and you just feel like absolute shit, man that's all you can focus on.
If I can just muster myself together enough to have some kind of meaningful weekend, I will be so happy.
At some point, I guess when you feel physically like shit, you just have to accept that you feel physically like shit and go on.
I can't even say well, this one thing is the worst of it because it all sucks; on any given day I'm shitting my brains out, I have an ear ache, I have a tooth ache, my stomach hurts or I'm nauseous, or I have a head ache. Some days my throat hurts and I'm coughing a lung up.
So I can't say oh I can make it through all this, instead I'll have to assess each day and say, OK, so it seems that this is what's gonna ail me today and accept it and try to move with it as opposed to against it.
I struggle between giving myself permission to just rest and not feeling bad about that or plowing through so hard, I burn out.
Bla.
One more day. That's a good thing. One more day and then the weekend and will get off early tomorrow and next weekend, sister time and the next weekend, sister time and then the next weekend, Auntie time.
And then two weeks after that...like...I'm done for 3 months and we'll deal with the consequences of that when it comes.
Worry gets you nowhere.
Alright, so no blog tomorrow guys, unless I feel so inclined to blog tomorrow evening but we shall see, we shall see.
Have a good night. Snuggle up if you can, to someone or some animal or in some warm blankies.
Love to you all.
Love & Light,
Neecie
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