Purr Baby

Good Morning!

Oh man. I fell into my sweet spot for sleep last night but I did wake up at 3:30 even so. I laid there bonding with Pumps for quite some time.

That lil' fur baby is a purr baby when she's happy. 

Oh you guys. 

Yesterday was something else.

My drive home took almost an hour and a half. I did ask if I could come in earlier but my boss said that they used to require the person in my position to be there until 5 and they knew most people wouldn't want to do that so they gave in and changed it to 4:30. 

I have a lot going on this weekend but I am going to start looking yet again.

May I indulge myself in a bit of self-pity?

Why can't I find a job nearby? Why is it always some major malfunction? Believe me, I know that I have often times in the past been a part of the malfunction, but rest assured, because my mornings now consist of traffic due to our infamous road work and projects, I focus on gratitude the whole way in.

I have to start looking now though, be proactive because I know how I am and I am fighting that this time. Like, it's all good.

There is this sales guy at my job who likes to give me shit but he's relentless and annoying and my boss finally yelled at him yesterday and told him to cease and desist.

You know me and arrogant people.

I don't play.

But again, I got this.

I got a notification on FB that someone had messaged me while I was sleeping and when I read it, I felt so many things but most of all, sad.

It's a woman I know, I want to call her a kid but she's in her 30s now and she lost her son about a year back. 

Man, I can't even imagine. I just can't. So I give her a TON of grace. But my gut tells me there are other things at play here. She created a new page and friend requested me last night. I saw it right before I went to bed, so I accepted it and put the phone down.

This morning, I see a message asking me for $$.

I sent her some money about, I dunno, six months to a year ago? And she kept asking and I kept saying no. I didn't even respond and I'm not going to.

Honestly, if I didn't have this feeling that things are not well, I would help her. I'm not in a position to do much but so many people have helped me, I have always said that giving back, or paying forward, is important to me. It feels amazing to help someone else, I get why people do it but there is that line, right? Of what is genuine help needed or...something a bit darker and I suspect that things are pretty dark.

I love this girl and I always will and my heart breaks for her. I just can't be a part of the problem.

I haven't been feeling good, my stomach really bothers me most days.

But...still, I am OK.

I'm getting through...each day I go to work and deal with the horrid traffic, I say, "You did something today that before would've set you off the edge. Like, you would've jumped. Good job girl."

I still do my affirmations in the car and it really helps set the tone.

My daughter just sent me a pic of the sun coming up over the ocean.

So beautiful.

She'll be home tomorrow, not sure what time though.

One more day, then 2 days off.

A busy two days off; fun stuff tomorrow and then rollerskating and coffee with a friend on Sunday.

You guys...I am so proud of my youngest. She is really trying. Not even trying, fuck trying, she's doing. Taking care of things in the apartment here and budgeting and doing the thing.

And finally, I woke up yesterday with a kink in my damn neck. Said kink is still present today.

Alright, well, so be it.

Onwards.

Everything I do, or don't do...is a choice.

Lately, I have been making good choices. Is it OK to say that I don't like good choices? They are no fun whatsoever.

But they also ensure that I don't feel bad about things at the end of the day.

And with this brain of mine, that automatically wants to lean towards self-flagellation, having less to feel bad about is a good thing.

And so, on that note, I hope you have a good day, a good weekend, all the stuff.

Be Blessed.

Love & Light,

Neecie