Share the Light

 

Hello later in the morning which I hate,

Yeah. Slept until 4AM, went back to sleep and woke up at 9 something and am now plodding, plodding. And there are things I need to do.

Also, what's up with the dreams again? The dream I had last night, wasn't bad but it was so weird and just in case someone still lurks from time to time, I'm not going to write it out. 

It doesn't mean I in any way want or require this person back in my life. And it wasn't a romantic dream in any way. 

But it was so vivid. I think that's what gets me the most. It's one of those dreams where you see details all around you, whether it's the color of things or the details...or white fairy wings, lol. Cuz I did...we were wearing them.

Ok, well. 

Enough about that. Yesterday was hell. I woke up crying and I basically stayed crying all day. I took a long nap too.

I was reminded that it was a full moon and so I do believe that's part of it but I also believe that it's the sleep medication. I can't take the hydroxyzine. This is a higher dosage than before so that explains the tears and depression and inability to move at all, but the lower dosage clearly, looking back, affects me that way too, although on a much lower level but it may explain my overall lack of energy.

No more. After yesterday, never again. So what to do? Anything all natural that doesn't affect me in some way.

So for now, lavender, chamomile, lemon balm, valerian and anything with magnesium, L-theanine, etc. That's it.

No edibles either because whenever I stop taking them, my heart rate starts to go back down to normal so I can't have that increased rate.

I say all this to admit that I do know there is some real depression mixed in with this but I'm going to have push through that because what happened to me yesterday, that was not good. That was dark, dark stuff and I try to stay out of those places now.

So I'm still dopey feeling today but not nearly as dark and depressed and...you know, end game thinking.

So.

I have stuff to do. Even though it's already 10:30, I'm gonna try.

I'm really gonna try.

For now, I'm not addressing the lingering sadness. I more than let it all out yesterday so today's goal is to act as if I'm happy little bug of a fire fly, landing and flying and showing off my lil' ol' light.

I hope you are able to do the same, unless you are genuinely happy. If you are, SHARE the light!!!

Be Blessed.

Love & Light,

Neecie