Eating Me Up

 

Good Morning,

Ugh, tummy no good today. No good baybeh.

I at least brought the pig to the bank yesterday and he coughed up $60 bucks, which went right into my account, though I also immediately sent my son the $10.00 he'd sent me yesterday. I'm so grateful I didn't have to go under. And I'm grateful to my son for helping me.

And I'm tired.

My fault. I haven't really eaten sugar in over a week and I had an entire, large candy bar right before bed and I paid. I didn't sleep and I'm shittin' out a second human or something this morning.

I have come to terms with the fact that I'm going to have to sell my furniture in order to pay my bills. I'm very sad about it but it is what it is.

I just have to remember that we will be OK.

I go back and forth on that one. I keep thinking about Mom. 

I'm going out to my sister's place today and I was hoping to sleep over but I have to sell this furniture and I'm going to put it up for sale tomorrow in hopes that I'll be able to get to the bank first thing Monday and then be able to start paying all my bills.

I have two interviews on Monday and am still waiting to hear on another one that I had. I don't feel good about that one at all though. I really fucked up in the interview. I was nervous and about to cry the whole time. It was awful.

I can't do this much longer. It's eating me up from the inside. I walk around wishing I'd just drop from a heart attack.

I talk to mom and dad and ask them to bring me home.

I just won't do it to myself because of my kids but at this point, I do think everyone would just be better off without having the stress of what I'm going through on them. There's enough stress in the world as it is.

So don't worry, I'm not gonna take matters into my own hands but I just wish...pfffftttt. 

Well this went there, didn't it? Sorry.

I don't feel like this all the time, just a lot and more so when I don't get enough sleep. I'll be OK. I'll do all the "stuff" that helps and I'll just keep going, trying to believe, perhaps naively so, that this will pass.

I have good days and bad days and this is just...it's not a good day. That's all. It'll pass.

Here's today's video.

I hope you all have a good day.

Be Blessed.

Love & Light,

Neecie