Good Morning,
Well, another night of little sleep but I'm OK. Deciding to give myself permission not to worry about a job or even look for one yesterday was a massive relief. Not feeling those drops of adrenaline when I think about it, not feeling sick to my stomach, being able to breath...what a difference.
Constantly living in worry and stress, it's not good. Eventually, it'll kill me before my time; either because it ruins my physical health or because I finally give in to that desire to be with mom and dad.
I need joy, I need peace.
And yesterday, I experienced some of both.
You know, sadly, it did not affect my sleep for the better.
But here I am this morning and I feel alright.
A huge, massive thank you for the support I got regarding the shooting and posting of a new video to my YouTube channel.
See, why can't I feel that kind of joy at a job?
I don't know.
Not all of this can be my mental health shit, some of it is just how I'm built ya know?
But whatever.
I had a good day.
Here's the vidoe:
What a difference it makes, attacking things you've been putting off, not because you feel you have to but because you are allowing other things to fall by the wayside, if even for a day or two.
So, yeah.
Ummm, I don't know what's in store for today other than dropping my daughter at work and later meeting up with my sister.
Tomorrow morning, I'm meeting another friend for breakfast.
Things are OK.
So in between dropping my daughter off shortly and then meeting my sister, I don't know what the day holds. I have made no decision this morning, other than to meditate and do my Wim Hof breathing stuff.
I don't know anything right now. I just know that yesterday was like this oasis in the desert of stress and anxiety and yeah, shame too about this situation.
Today will be cloudy but warm and then we have 6 days of absolute bullshit weather. Cold temps, some rain, possibly some snow. Absolute bullshit.
I am having some thoughts about my future too and the fact that I'm actually considering it, even though it's out of my reach currently...it fits with "me."
And I'm not gonna write about it just yet because it still requires me to find a job and pay off all my debt and then to power save.
It might take me two years to make this goal and it's one that the cats would be affected by. They'd be with me so that's not the issue but Grey is going to be 16 shortly and I have to take her health into consideration.
So really, it just hit me yesterday that if I struggle so much to fit in that stupid ass box I've been writing about, could I do it for a year or two knowing that I'd be getting the fuck "out" of it would be coming?
There's a lot to think about here.
I might have a new dream folks; one that is attainable.
We shall see, we shall see.
On that note, I'm just gonna get going and see how this day unfolds; no must do's, no have to do's, just choices.
It's so much easier wanting to have to do things as opposed to being frozen in place feeling that I have to do them.
I hope you have a great day.
Be Blessed.
Love & Light,
Neecie
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