55%

 

Good Morning!

Wow. Today is my last day on this contract position.

It feels weird.

I can honestly say that I did a good job there. I was quiet this time, I took things in, I kept my head even, straight, looked ahead.

I gott'er done.

I feel good about that.

and Monday it will be on to this next chapter.

These are all good things.

You guys, I have stayed off Facebook for a looooong time. Long for me, it's only been a week or so but what a difference.

I haven't felt angry all week.

I created a spreadsheet for myself and if I meet all the goals on it by April 7, then I'll be back April 8th. My phone time has decreased by 55%, which can only be good.

I think I don't have time for things and then I put my damn phone down and...badda bing, badda BOOM.

I'm telling you, give this a try. Just set that phone down. I'm not perfect, I still watch YouTube videos at work when there's nothing to do but...wow.

Ok.

I am quitting smoking tomorrow. Yes. I am. I know how many times I've said this and I know how it feels when I really let myself think of doing it but I can't fucking breath.

I have really let my lists go but I will say this. I am going to write a big list for tomorrow because I am going to need to stay busy.

I'm super excited because I'm going to the ballet tomorrow with my daughter. TCB is doing Romeo and Juliet but to the music of Queen. Queen is one of my faves.

You all know I'm a huge music lover and I don't care what the format is in, be it a concert, the ballet, listening in the car...I just want all the music.

There are two concerts coming to town and one of them is the ochestra but they do heavy metal songs. Can you imagine Metallica on the cello? I think I would lose my shit. The cello is my favorite. Hands down.

Haunting and beautiful.

Here's a video of one of faves, it's from Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon. This kid is amazing.

Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon

My daughter is going to make dinner for us and is also gonna sleep over. I'm gonna snuggle her and never let her go, lol.

Our little family is in a place where we are each going through shit. But somehow we manage to be there for each other and to do some fun things in the midst of what sometimes feels like chaos.

So I am looking forwards to a reprieve.

I had a lesson in how far I've come but that there's still room for growth. My boss invited me to an event for International Women's Day last night. I went, it was right after work.

I still have major self-esteem stuff to work on. I told my sister I felt like a mutt in the midst of a bunch of purebreds.

I don't want to smile because of my front tooth. I felt like I was too dressed down. I felt like I don't measure up and sometimes, these events make me so aware of "the box" and how I don't fit.

I'm OK. I didn't  lost my shit. For a brief moment, I wanted a glass of wine because it was free and I just felt so out of place but I didn't. It's a natural thing when I'm feeling out of my element to want that but my reaction, to anything mood altering - other than all natural as you know, is still that of a putting a hand on a hot burner. I flinch away from it instinctively now.

And I did do some positive self talk to myself while I was there. 

So chalk it up for another learning lesson.

But yeah, I'm ok. Today will be weird and I'm actually going to try and get this last presentation I'm working on, done as soon as possible, even this morning and then leave early.

I don't like goodbyes and I'll get emotional, I know I will.

I'm fucking emotional just writing that.

Oh Denise. Denise, Denise, Denise.

So I'm gonna get on with it.

I really hope you all have an amazing day.

Love yourself, ok?

Do something nice for yourself.

I'm having such a hard time with my dermatillomania that I think I'm gonna suck it up and get my nails done today...something nice because life cannot be the grind all the time.

Be Blessed.

Love & Light,

Neecie