I Owe Myself Trust

Good Morning!

Yikes you guys, another night of weird ass dreams. 

So...we're gonna be ok for rent. Again.

There really is one person who has gotten me through all this. Others have done things, one person did a big thing too. But the person I'm referring to, has been consistent in helping me. 

There are others who could but don't and they are not obligated to do so.

I only bring that up because people have asked. 

And honestly, that's one of many reasons I'm so grateful for this person.

Of course, I am grateful for the actual help but it goes deeper than that. It's the trust this person has shown in me.

And ya know, once I'm working again, everything is on me; paying these people who have helped, back. Paying off my debt but also being ready for the layoff if that will come again next November if I end up having to go back to the same job, if I'm unable to find another one. It's all on me.

Because I don't want to go through this again.

Ever.

And it's hard. There have been days I didn't eat much and I could've gone and charged food on what credit cards I haven't completely maxed out but I didn't.

And yeah...fucking smoking.

I'm not gonna even touch that one because it's...it's fully loaded and it's fully shameful and it seems impossible to overcome.

That whole you can't teach an old dog new tricks thing but I have to believe you can and that applys not only to quitting once and for all but also to making this debt disappear.

Circling back to the trust thing, if other's can trust me in spite of how I've been, then on some level, don't I need to trust myself?

Don't I owe myself that?

I don't know.

I'm just grateful.

Yesterday, I did a cleanse on someone who went through something terrible recently. It's been awhile since I invoked certain Goddesses, since I used herbs and oils in a spiritual setting and performed ritual but she said she experienced huge relief from it and I felt it too.

I'm grateful again, for the trust of another individual, to perform healing for her.

So on that note, I am moving forward with my day.

I wish you all an amazing day.

May you go in Safety, Love & Light,

Neecie

So on that note, I go on with my day and it's another day of sunshine which is always a plus.