The Veil

Good Morning,

Wow.

Something happened while I slept last night and I really didn’t sleep that well so I’m kind of tripping.

I got up this morning and a packet of pictures I’d had printed some time ago was on the floor. These pictures? I’d forgotten all about them. They were deep in a drawer in a nightstand next to my bed. The pics were out of the packet they had been in and were spread over the floor next to my bed. All of the pictures were facing down. As I turned each one over, they were all of Mom.

It’s Samhain today. The veil is at its thinnest. Some members of my family joke about me saying that but…

Hi Mom. I love you too. I think about you everyday. 

And Dad. I can still see you as if you are standing right in front of me.

My bio dad, David? He came this year too. He died on October 20, 2013. I didn’t even think of it this year. It was such a complicated thing, our relationship.

It still is.

I don’t hate him. And I know I loved and adored him when I was little. It changed as I started seeing things through an adult lens. And it’s changed again as I have began healing from a lifetime of “stuff.”

When I talk to him now, I go between saying, “Dude, you fucked up” to, “I do love you, I just wish things could’ve been different.”

I don’t dwell on any of this anymore. It was what it was and it is what it is. I no longer see him through rose colored glasses but I also don’t see him through the lens of blame and judgment.

Anyways, I’m gonna be spending this evening with a kiddo, my daughter’s bestie’s boy. I love him so much.

Not sure if I’m gonna hand out candy or not.

Mom’s visits always are followed up with good things so I have hope again in my heart.

She always saved me.

She is still saving me.

Love you Momma.

Happy Halloween!!!

Be Blessed and Spooky.

Love & Light,

Neecie