Just Swim

 

I guess I can still say good morning!

I did not go into work. I woke up with the vertigo full force. Everytime I moved, the world was swimming. And then the dry heaving.

I had another bout of the weird flushing but I didn't swell up this time.

I'm still doing the neti pot 2x per day, still palpating each ear 3x per day. I do 3 rounds of 30 3x that is. Each ear.

I also do lymphatic drainage massage 2x per day. I now brush my teeth with an antibacterial soap and do an antibacterial mouthwas 2x per day.

I will do whatever the hell is needed to get past this.

I honestly feel, perhaps somewhat dramatically, that this is ruining my life.

I have huge resentments about this job. The why me shit and I decided I better start journaling again. I don't want to put negative rants up here and honestly, my plan is to rant in my journal and then turn it around on here, like what's the solution? 

I can't live in the problem. I spent way to  many years there. The solution is get another job. Yeah, it's more work, yeah, it sucks but it also is what it is and at the end of the day, it may lead me to better things.

I've already proven I can work under extreme emotions from others around me, I've proven I can get to work even when I don't want to.

So I do feel prepared for anything I might walk into.

Today, I am dealing with the vertigo. It backed off quite a bit after I did the neti pot. I'm going to give myself one hour to perform 4 of my big projects. If I haul ass, it'll be done.

That's all I'm writing that I want to do because there's more, there's always more but those 4 things are my priorities.

I want a good, happy life. It's very hard for me to not feel some kindof way when I really start pushing for the better, why does the Universe push back? I end up sick, depressed, mad, resentful.

It's so weird but maybe some of it comes down to that old self-worth problem of mine and the habit of failing as opposed to succeeding. What the Universe seems to ignore is the fact that keeping on keeping on, is a success. At least for me it is. Just keep swimming.

Poogah, Just Swim.

If you know, you know.

Ok, well...project number one, here I come.

I hope you all have a good day.

Be Blessed.

Love & Light,

Neecie