Oh man. Got the shites this morning. Had to make a pit stop on the way to work lest I crap m’pants again. Not looking to have THAT experience again anytime soon.
I’ve been trying so hard not to let things at work affect me and to just kind of put a shield around myself so to speak. It’s not the job itself. And I stand by what I’ve said in that I really care about the family I work for.
But man, the emotions run high in this place. 15 years ago, I would’ve been so about the drama. I would’ve looked forward to coming in every day to see what played out next and how I could stir shit up. Now, I remain silent, I observe, and I try to offer support where I can.
But it is beginning to take a toll.
I really don’t want to get back into the business of writing other people‘s business out so I won’t go into detail.
It is just interesting seeing, in some ways, myself, and how I used to be, and then to see the other side of it and how it must’ve affected my family into a lesser degree, my friends.
And also, my relationships. You know, romantic ones.
The second week of November is when this job ends for the season. And I will start looking wholeheartedly at that time for something else. If nothing else comes up, it’s fine because I have this job to come back too.
Are any of you dreaming more than usual? I am, and my daughter is too. The minute our eyes closed, it seems that the picture show starts. I had a very disturbing one last night and of course I want to evaluate them and know what they could possibly mean.
I felt like in the dream, I wanted to protect someone and I wasn’t able to, and I was so scared that this person’s injuries would be blamed on me because it happened while this person was in my care. But I had caused no harm.
I don’t know, it is what it is, which is a dream. Just a dream.
I’m not depressed, I’m actually OK but I am a little down and things feel a little fuzzy around the edges if that makes sense. Like I’m trudging.
I was supposed to go out to dinner with a friend today, but I’m gonna cancel. I do not have the money.
We can reschedule for sure.
And on that note, I do have to go in so here we go. Another day, another bunch of dollars.
I hope you all have a great day.
Be blessed.
Love and light,
Neecie
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