Goofiness

Hey Guys,

Good Sunny Sunday Morning.

Whew! Well, I have had a good couple days. I hung out with my sister Friday night and you know, it's the kind of thing where I could write everything out but it wouldn't be as funny to you, the reader, as it was to the two of us, who experienced it. We were just goofy all night and it was hilarious.

I just felt free which I haven't felt in a long while. Getting out and spending time is truly an elixir for the soul.

Laughter too. I laugh with my sister just as much as I laugh with my bestie. 

I've gone to bed way to late the last two nights but it was worth it. I hung with my sissy again yesterday. Just nice and chill and walking around downtown Anoka. We're gonna go back when we have more time and make an afternoon of going into all the shops, probably have brunch or something.

We had that beautiful cool streak for which I am so grateful but yesterday, even though it was only 80 was a bit to warm for me.

It's coming though, I believe on Wednesday, the temps will go down into the 60s for a high again. Be still my heart, my time is coming; fall.

Pumpkin is up here loving on me as I write. Our greeting since she was a little kitten has always been to give each other a gentle head butt.

So. I am setting chill goals from today through October 31st and then we'll go into a full on VisionList again.

Those goals are as follows: Do some kind of fall line, no matter how small, of products to sell. Lose the rest of my weight, and with that comes exercise, eating healthy, drinking plenty of water, etc. And then the mental health stuff; meditation, WimHof breathing, yoga, you name it.

I want to start and finish all of my projects which include:

• Finish the family cookbook
• Go through my storage locker
• Go through my Willow's Whimsy supplies and reorganize everything
• Go through all my closets, get rid of everything I don't need and organize things better

And to continue just making rent and paying my bills.

I am going to need $4500 to offset unemployment while I'm laid off.

I need to start thinking about that realistically.

These are all doable goals.

I just want to do what I've been saying I've wanted to do all along, which of late is that I want to be back in life and not living from my couch.

So today, it's on.

I hope you guys have a great day.

Be Blessed.

Love & Light,

Neecie

 

Banjos

Good Morning!

Well…it’s 6:58 and I’ve been at work for an hour. This means I get out early. And of course, no work on Monday AND it’s paid. Thank you Goddess!!!!

I’m burnt da fuggout.

But I’m happy because I’ll be seeing my sistahbelle today.

We gonna hang.

So I volunteered to drop off some legal documents to a crazy lady who contracted with us. She’s a total scam artist. We put a lien on her house and that’s what I have to deliver to her today. I got all dressed up professionally. I even have a wee bit of makeup on. This woman is gonna go ballistic. Luckily, I don’t have to stick around, I just have to give it to her.

There is still that BPD part of me that craves drama and this is a healthy way for me to get it.

Hopefully, this crazy broad ain’t packin’, lol.

Obviously I don’t have to stick around long enough for her to read it, just gotta hand it to her and roll.

You guys…I have been dreaming like crazy. So many ghosts coming to haunt me in my dreams. Ghosts of the past, not necessarily those who have actually crossed over. But I dreamt the night before last that I met Duff McKegan of Guns n Roses. He was so nice. I was totally fangirling in the dream and I’m so not like that. In real life, I’d be like…”Dude!!!!”

Crazy shit, let me tell you.

I don’t know, anyways, bla bla bla.

I woke up to two cats loving on me and vying for my attention. 

Spoiled little felines got what they wanted!!

The drive in to work was dark and I can’t help it…all these backroads had me hearing banjos. If you know, you know.

I was very happy to the crew here. 

I’m such a big old scaredy cat now a days.

Alright, well I don’t actually have too much to do at work so imma hit what’s here and then deliver the thing…the lien notice, come back and try and occupy myself until 2.

I hope you have a great day.

Be Blessed.

Love & Light,

Neecie

Janis Says

Good Morning! 

Mad dash. All morning. Poor Pumps. I shit my door last night and she was crying for me long about 4AM. I could not rouse myself to get up and let her in.

Pumpkin needs to go on a diet. She’s huge. The cats will get a treat and 5 minutes later, they are begging for more.

You know how when a person who is addicted has to be completely defeated so that they are willing to do anything to get and stay sober? I think everything in our lives is rather like that.

I’m just beat. This last year, I’ve become someone who is sortof a caricature of her own damn self; the laziness, lack of motivation, tiredness.

I am throwing in the towel on all of it.

I’m not living. I’m a zombie.

Living dead girl.

And I’m tired of it.

I’m tired of repeating the same old tapes.

I’m tired of not making progress.

I’m tired of saying tomorrow.

What does Janis say guys?

She says tomorrow never comes, it’s all the same fucking day. If you got it today, don’t wear it tomorrow.

Janis had a lot of baggage but she LIVED.

I don’t have as much baggage and I don’t want to do drugs or drink like that but I want to LIVE.

I have dreams.

Time to walk the road between dreams and reality.

I hope you all have a great day.

Be Blessed.

Love & Light,

Neecie

First Days

Good Morning!

I got up a bit earlier than usual but not enough to have time to really do much. God, I struggle to get to sleep now too and that's new. 

Whatever, let's talk about happy things.

The day yesterday, went OK in spite of my boss not being there. I just hope that I didn't do the quickbook stuff wrong. I guess if I did, they'll tell me, they'll show me how to do it right and that will be that. I can't let fear hold me back. I lead with love.

Speaking of which:

Please like, subscribe, hit the notification bell and comment if you'd like.

I thank you in advance for your kindness.

My little niece started kindergarten yesterday. While I remember being that young, and I even remember my first day, I don't have those "childlike" feelings, I've lost them.

To see how proud and excited and "big girl" like she was in the pictures, it melted my heart.

She has my brother's eyes.

And of course big brother, he started back as well.

First days back to school. They were met with sadness that the summer freedom was gone, but excitement and wanting to show off my new clothes.

I'd love to go back one day, back into my child body but just observe, not be obnoxious like I was.

I'd know who the hell to stay away from now, lol. Some people I wouldn't ignore though. Some people, like my bestie, I'd give a big hug to.

And I'd shock my sister with another "Barbie Moment." If you know, you know.

Anyways, yes, fall is approaching and winter is coming.

I can't wait.

I guess I'd better get going. I hope you all have a great day. I am going to go put on a HOODIE because it's so cold outside. That ends later today but only one day in the 14 day forecast is set to reach 80. And a week and a half or so from now, back down into the 60s.

Be Blessed Luvs.

Love & Light,

Neecie

Weighted Blankets

 Good Morning,

I wasn’t sure if I’d blog this morning but here I am. I did not sleep well at all. I forgot that I have a weighted blanket. I thought maybe that would help with sleep but I also forgot that it was too heavy for me. So needless to say not much sleep. Grey didn’t like it either. She wanted my soft comforter.

This week will be interesting. I really wanted to hit things hard this week and I already failed this morning because I didn’t want to get up.

But I did power through. Skincare, hair care, fed the kits, ran downstairs to grab their kit treats. God forbid you don’t give them their treats. They will howl at you like they are in pain.

Poor babies, we starve them so!!

My boss is taking a few days off. I’m nervous about that but I can do this. I’m just trying to stay focused. 

I feel bad because one of my friends friends, asked me if I could help them move but I can’t even myself right now. I mean I’m trying to move. Not move out of our old place, just move my body!

I just said no. I’m not geared for that right now.

I’m cranking things out fast so far so this is good. 

I’m not gonna say try; tonight there is only do. I have a TON to do so imma do it.

And I’m not gonna TRY tomorrow morning either…I’m gonna do.

With that said, I wish you all a happy Monday. Be blessed. 

Love & Light, 

Neecie

The Seasons According to Denise

 

Good Evening,

I ended up taking those darn sleeping meds again and yup, zombiefied all day. But I'm kindof ok with it. It's under 70 again and the day got cloudy and moody and I'm so in love with that. I fell asleep on the couch with Dame Pumpkin and we slept in each other's arms for about 3 hours. 

And I'm still tired. I'm probably in for it tonight as far as sleep but then again, maybe not. I guess we'll see.

I called my bestie last night and her daughter was over so I got to talk to her too. I miss them both so much but I'll be out there is December. 

My mom called me this morning so we chatted. And I took my daughter to work. She's working late so she's gonna Uber home.

I actually shot some long form videos today too so I need to get those edited and up.

No more rules, I'll just do them when I do them. I have 19 more of the affirmation videos to do and then it's on to gratitude in November for the shorts.

If you don't subscribe to my channel, I would love it if you would. More than anything, that means so much to me.

Willow's Whimsy YouTube

Thank you!!

Oh, how I wish this weather was going to last but it'll start going back up tomorrow. At least in the foreseeable future, it won't be going over 80.

With the incredible amount of rain we got this summer, I can't help wonder if that will mean lots of snow this winter. I hope so. I'd love a traditional winter; although I admit to also hoping for an early spring as winter does take a toll nowadays.

I think I wrote my perfect year once; Spring starting in March and lasting until July. Summer would last from July to August with temps starting to go down the second half of August. Fall from mid-August through November 15th and then Winter from November 15 through February. Plenty of snow December through January and then the slow warm up to Spring in March; shampoo, rinse, repeat.

It's getting dark out, coming earlier.

Mmmmmmm.

So I'm going to get a facial on me face and upload my videos and start that process and then bedtime.

I hope your weekend was good.

I hope this coming week will be blessed for you.

Yes, be Blessed.

Love & Light,

Neecie

61 Beautiful Degrees

Good Morning!

And it is, it is. It is freakin' beautiful outside. 61 degrees at the moment. I do NOT have the A/C on. I have the windows open. I can smell the fresh air and hear the breeze moving through the trees.

Glorious.

I'm going to go for a walk in a bit. I have SO much to do today. Just so much. 

I am tired but bearably so. No meds again. I had a rough night, kept waking up. Lots and lots of dreams though I don't remember a single one. My brother, one of my half brothers, was in one of them and a friend, or used to be friend, was in another. She was yelling and crying and screaming but I don't remember about what.

So, just fleeting fragments.

My resting heart rate has gone back down to 51 and my sleeping heart rate seems to have gone down to an average of 43-45, which is excellent.

I do think my elevated heart rate and blood pressure were from the THC I was taking to sleep. Because I have taken so many things since and bp and rhr have gone WAY back down.

So these are good things. As I stated yesterday, I did light some palo santo and talked to mom. I also talked to dad, and my bio dad and his mother, who I never got to meet. I cried and I said all the things.

It was good to get it out. One of the things the antidepressants do to me, is to dumb down my feelings. This can be both a blessing and a curse.

So to be able to really cry and feel it...it was healing.

So back to the sleep thing; I'm wondering, ya know if I hit it hard on Saturdays, can I take the meds just on Saturday night to get in the hours I need? Just once a week? I haven't made a decision on that.

It's taken 3 days for me, without the meds, to wake up feeling awake and not like I'm walking through some kind of muddy fog.

I'm not feeling much like going back to that place.

I'm finding that mental health truly is a game of balance, trial and error.

You have to be willing to get through the error part.

My Grey, my little beloved Familiar, is amazing to me. She has become much more cuddly in terms of laying next to me at night. I think she see's how Pumpkin is when she comes in. She has stopped losing weight. She was a healthy 9 pounder for most of her life and age has somewhat decreased her appetite so she went down to 6lbs and has hovered between 6 and 6.2lbs. 

She still plays when she's so motivated, she still jumps, although yesterday she attempted a jump and didn't make it.

I try to spend time with each of the cats. My little Mocha  has started coming and asking for love and so I give her as much as she wants. She's much more aloof than the other two but she loves love. She is my awkward little girl and I adore her.

I still think of Pumps as a baby, even though technically, she's a teenager.

The joy that girl has brought to my life is...well it was totally unexpected. I'm obsessed.

Anyways, work. Yeah so, I'm sometimes afraid to say to much, lest my blog and my YouTube channel be found out. 

It's not bad, not anymore. All the ick from the starting point, it was because it was unknown and I was intimidated. I really like these people. I guess for me, it's still the drive. It's their family dynamic. These are good people, they really are. It's just that my relationships are all so very healthy now. I am healthy now, much healthier than I used to be...Gods know.

Yesterday, trying to get any work done was awful. And the clock was sooo slow; Tick........Tick......Tick. Torture. I left early. I just...man.

But I think now...I'm gonna go for a walk, it's just to too beautiful not to.

And so...I bid you a good day.

Be Blessed.

Love & Light,

Neecie

Momma

Hello,

Good morning and all that. The temps are slowly going down. We had a true spring and much the same for summer, albeit much more rain than usual. I’ll take it though. It’s not usual for everything to be as rich and lush green by this time of year. Usually, lawns that are not cared for have turned brown and patchy.

So it’s been two nights with no sleeping meds and two mornings having gotten in good sleep. I do think my body is detoxing from the meds though. I am still feeling the “dragging” sensation in the morning but much less so. 

This week, while not doing much else, I have forced myself to at least do my AM and PM skin and hair care routines and I have taken a shower every day. For awhile, even getting in the shower was a task of epic proportions. 

So this next week, I’ll push it further.

Today marks two years since our beautiful momma left us.

I wrote a post on FB about that day but on here, I just want to celebrate her legacy. She was a very funny person but also very practical and she wouldn’t want huge, emotional post. To that she’d say, “Oh Neecie.”

I miss her. She was always the calm in the midst of my storms.

I shouldn’t have put her there but when I was little, I had no idea I was doing that and when I became an adult, it was a part of my process and it took me almost to the end to get past that, although I did start laying off the emotional neediness before that.

Anyways, she was everything to me. She was everything to my brother and sister too, along with Dad. Mom always put us first, except when we little and at Church, pleading to home after the service. Then she ignored us, lmao!!!

She was the quintessential Pastor’s wife. She was much loved. In fact, I would say that to know mom was to love mom, whether she was your mom, your grandma, your sister, your child, your friend or your pastor’s wife.

Just love. We are all made one of a kind, but Mom, she was the best. Her mold was of the highest quality. 

Sigh.

I love you Mom. I miss you every single day. I cherish your visits when they come.

I wish I could go home and cry but I will cry tonight and say some words of love and gratitude and I will light some incense so that the smoke will carry my words and gratitude to her.

Be Blessed Peeps.

Hug your loved ones today.

Love & Light,

Neecie

At What Cost?

 

Good Morning!

I am so sorry for the lack of posting. You guys, yeah, I've been sleeping. Majorly sleeping. But I'm paying for it.

The combination of drugs they gave me does knock me out, but I can't get up in the morning. I stayed home yesterday because I was so out of it, I was afraid to drive.

So...sleep...but at what cost? I didn't take them last night and what do you know? I was able to get up.

I give up.

Not on the depression meds but on the sleep thing. I am throwing in the towel and accepting that this is a part of my life I will have to deal with.

There is a lot to write about but I'm still dealing with the after affects of these drugs so I'm gonna go get ready for work and then I'll maybe blog tonight.

I am OK. I've just pulled deep inside trying to keep things going.

Trying to keep planting one foot in front of the other.

I hope you all have an amazing day.

Be Blessed.

Love & Light,

Neecie

Copacetic

 

Good Morning,

Big Sigh. Nothing bad, just a sigh. Ok, so broken record time. These meds? The depression meds are working but brought on anxiety.

The sleeping meds are working, I got 8 hours in but little deep sleep. I wake up like a zombie. I don't stay in zombie mode but I do stay tired, lazy and unmotivated. 

Surprisingly, the only place I shine is at work.

They trust me. They believe in me.

There are many days where I want to do the lazy thing and ignore my work but I push through that now. I really am in a place where I'm just grateful.

So...my daughter is gone for the weekend. I'm all alone. I keep thinking of that song, All By Myself....lol. Now you have that in your head too.

I have no plans. I am just going to be and do what comes to my mind.

I have at least taken all my supplements and SnapChatted with my girls. We have a streak. They are the only ones I do that with. Otherwise, it would become tedious.

Tedious is no fun.

Alright, well dahlings, a short but sweet one.

All is well and copacetic.

And so on that note, I say I'll "see" you all tomorrow.

Have a wonderful Saturday.

Be Blessed.

Love & Light,

Neecie

QuickBooks

Good Morning darlings,

Oh dear. I’m sure my post yesterday was a bit much but the sheer horror of it…I was compelled to share. This morning was better. More normal.

So this morning was so cute. As you know, Pumpkin usually comes to see me in the morning. Shell paw at my face until I give her love and then she plunks down by my face and the purring begins. Sometimes she sticks around briefly, others she’ll actually fall asleep curled comfortably into me. My daughter slept with me last night and she got to see this play out. It literally happens every morning. But then we got up and she offered to get us coffee and I was not going to say no to that so off we went. I love these kinds of mornings. 

I’ve been sleeping in lately, trying desperately to adjust to all these new meds. I finally picked up the most recent and um…no driving in that one. Totally out of it within minutes of taking it.

So I’m now learning Quickbooks which makes me really happy. 

It’ll make me more marketable.

Right now I’m putting estimates, invoices and payments in. I have to read the instructions each time lest I forget a step.

Yeah, I’m good for today.

My Italian Rose called me and I can’t wait to go see her. Ah luf you Deneese.

I love you too Rose.

Ok signing off for the day. I hope you have a great afternoon/evening.

Be Blessed.

Love and Light,

Neecie

Sh*t M’pants

Hello.

I am going to warn you up front, I am going to talk about number two in graphic detail.

So I will not be offended if you need to back away from the blog. Go quickly because there will be details.

This morning, I’m in my car. I’m in my car to have a smoke. I go a lot in the mornings as my regular readers know. IBS. So I’m in my car and I start cramping up. I almost always can hold on until I get to a toilet. But this one started pushing out as soon as the cramping started and I’m like, “Oh my God, no.” I’m in my nightgown and I have no underwear on.

And it keeps pushing through. I get out of my car and it’s slowly coming out as I walk/run. Same as I go up the stairs, into my apartment and down the hall to my daughter’s bathroom because it’s the closest.

I sit on the toilet just as the lava literally pushes itself out of me. It’s a mud bath. It’s everywhere. I take my nightgown off and I can feel poop getting on me.

I won’t go into wiping because it was a shit show, in every way a shit show can be a shit show. As soon as I’m done, I get up and go straight into the shower because I reeked.

I get out and go back and clean the toilet. It was bad. But then, I notice a poop on the bathroom floor, then another one. Then I see one in the hallway back the way I came in. There was one by the door. I cleaned all these up, got dressed and out the door.

As I’m going down to my car, there are pooplets in the hallway, pooplets on the stairs and pooplets on the sidewalk.

No. I did not clean them up. I was afraid my ass would be late to work.

It is the most disgusting, helpless feeling. It’s against nature.

You try and suck your buttcheeks together but it keeps coming.

Horrible. Absolutely. Horrible.

That was my morning.

The stuff of nightmares.

So apparently, my IBS is changing yet again. I have family members who have had this experience but more so than I because mine doesn’t usually just happen like that.

Just. Please, no.

I had more to blog about but that trauma is haunting me still and I think I just need to move on with my day.

I hope you all have a great day as well as healthy, NORMAL bowel movements.

Be Blessed.

Love & Light,

Neecie

The Freakin’ Weekend

Hello dahhhhlings,

A weekend with no blog eh? I’m finding it boring, lol.

And I was busy. What a weekend.

It was a weekend of receiving. 

I’m kind of blown away by my Saturday.

Started the day out with a bestie convo.

I was tired per the norm and had gotten a couple things done when I left to get new tires. A friend of mine had seen that were pretty much down to the wires, no tread. And this friend offered to get me new ones so we met at Discount Tires. An entire set of four was purchased. I’m blown away at how much better my car drives; breaking and steering. It’s nuts.

Then, my sister had called and I was glad she did because I had forgotten all about our plans to meet a childhood friend for dinner. Said friend had offered to pay for me because she really wanted to see me too. It was fun and funny. We had a good time.

My sister had been out with another friend a few nights before and they had done some shopping and my sister wanted to return some of what she bought. So we were looking around at things and ooing and awing.

My sister tried some things on and then she made me try a shirt on that I really liked but it was too big!!! It was a large. I was so happy about that. Well she grabbed this other one we liked and it was a medium and it fit. This store is one I probably wouldn’t go into just because I could tell it was above my budgetary abilities, lol. They had some really pretty things, some I guess I’d sort of call bohemian. Love that store. Anyways, my sister bought me the shirt!

I have it on today. It’s so pretty. The material is really soft.

These things mean so much to me.

The thing is too, even if I lose weight, it’s the kind of shirt you can still wear.

And you know, it’s not just about the shirt, it’s about the time spent with my sister. Our relationship is so solid and so good. I’m just so grateful.

So it was a day of receiving. The kindness of others comes with a whole bunch of positive feelings.

Sunday, I actually took it slow and cleaned the dishes, did some laundry, put away SOME of it, lol. I got the old litter thrown out and scrubbed the kitty boxes and put in fresh litter for my sasses.

I showered, gave myself a facial. It was nice.

Relaxing.

I sadly didn’t sleep well last night and my tummy is poopy and I’m tired. But I made it to work on time.

And I’ll stay all day and go home and see what I can muster myself up to do.

There is a plan, there is always a plan but I think, the plan might not happen .

Not if it’s 8:51 and I’m already exhausted. 

But I shall see.

I hope you all have a wonderful day.

Be Blessed.

Love & Light,

Neecie

Nails

Good Morning!

So I slept through my alarm and got up just in time. I actually made it out the door early and I’m glad I did because my son called me and we had one of our hilarious conversations. I don’t know, man, the gods gave that kid an extra dose of hilariousness!!

So that was a great way to start the day.

And in all honesty, my boss and I have been talking all morning and she showed me this hilarious Instagram video. But now it is time to get to work, ha ha.

I have to say that, in spite of the things I struggled with in the beginning, I actually do enjoy this job and like the people. I don’t know, I can relate to them. Especially my boss.

I got paid today so I can finally get some nails. Anything to stop what I’ve been doing to myself. I had hoped that maybe getting on meds would help with this, but it has not helped at all. That doesn’t mean it’s not working, it is working for the depression, which is a huge relief. And at this point, I seem to be working through the anxiety. The next step for me is energy and motivation. I think I might have to kick my own ass on that one a little bit.

Anyways, I hope you have a great day.

Be blessed.

Love and light,

Neecie

Surgical Removal

Hello!!!

I have had some good days and I hope the same for you.

I’ve had little to nothing to do at work, so I’ve been chatting away with my boss and laughing and last night, I called my old boss and dear friend Lisa and we laughed and laughed and caught up. She moved back home a couple years ago, way up north and I’m gonna go up there for a weekend hopefully next month. It’s about a 3.5 hour drive.

Something to look forward to and my sister and I are taking a weekend trip in October.

All good things.

So. You all know my picking problem? I took it to a new level and did some damage and now I’m going to have to see an ENT.

Oops.

I need to get fake nails ASAP. It’s not from picking my nose so to speak, it’s trying to get something OUT of my nose…nasal polyps.

I woke up this morning with my throat almost swollen shut and hacked up a huge goob of black, bloody pieces.

I just can’t deal with things that feel weird.

I have to find out if I need a referral to see a specialist or if I can just make an appointment.

They will have to be surgically removed. The risk for infection is high with this one.

I know it’s a hard thing for people to understand. I can’t just stop. It’s an OCD thing. 

The only thing that has ever stopped it in its tracks is fake nails because the acrylic makes my nails to thick to be able to pick.

So…this one has become a nonnegotiable.

Just no, no, no more of this.

My electric bill this month is 3 times what it usually is. I got this. I know we’ll be okay.

Winter? Bring it!!

Or at least an early fall.

Please?

I need an oil change too and someone offered to get me new tires when they saw mine.

Again, I’m so very grateful!!

Just so grateful because I can’t do these extra but necessary things yet. 

I just can’t.

But I know we will be okay and that we’ll make it through all of this.

I decided that I’m going to continue minimum payments plus interest on all but the lowest balance card. I’ll throw more money at that and once it’s paid off, I’ll hit the next one and that’s how we’ll deal with this.

If it works, it works and if not, I’ll figure something else out.

I got this!!

Okie, I hope you have a great day!!

Be blessed. 

Love & Light,

Neecie

When Someone Shows You Who They Are

Good Morning,

Ohhhh. Yeah, tired. But not quite as much as the past week or so, so there's that.

I was in bed and asleep by 8:30 last night.

Restless from about 3 until wakeup time but I do feel rested. It's more of like...a body tired.

I had nothing to do at work yesterday and I fear today will be more of the same. It's hard, those days because you are counting by the minutes, instead of the hours.

I woke up to some wonderful things. Someone commented on one of my shorts and it was exactly the kind of comment that gives me inspiration.

Then, I saw my sister had texted me last night saying, "I love you." And then my bestie messaged me saying, "I love you so much."

So this morning, the message seems to be that I am cared about and loved.

Thank you.

My daughter saw someone that I worked with over 20 years ago at her work the other day. This person, I've seen her maybe a handful of times since then. 

And she commented to my daughter about my posts and then conspiratorially leaned in and said, "she's not using is she?" My daughter said no, clean and sober and doing well.

And then this person said, "Oh, that's great. I was just asking because...well, you know."

My daughter was offended but played it off.

I don't deal with people who don't know me anymore. Because that one statement poo poo's all the growth.

Delete.

I honestly don't care about what anyone thinks of me because I'm not wallowing in shame anymore. And I have an amazing turn off switch now.

I have a very low tolerance for bullshit now. And I don't often just delete people. But she crossed a line with my kid and clearly chooses to focus on what was, as opposed to what is now.

Something like that...with my kid, yeah, don't need that in my life and she doesn't either.

Others...there are things that lead up to that. It's not just one thing. When someone shows you who they are, believe them.

Enough said.

But I'm OK. I have a lot of hope that maybe all this sleeping is me catching up after 5 or so years of little to no sleep, it's been a struggle and now...I'm getting some. I get enough, or close to enough, sleep more often that not in the past few weeks so maybe I'm just adjusting and healing.

My other daughter saved me yesterday. She works at a bank and told me how I can make cash deposits after hours so I called my bank and sure enough...so that's a big thing off my shoulders. No more having to leave work early to get to the bank.

Thank you lovely daughter!!

Ok, well, I better get going. 

The mad dash is on.

I hope you have a great day.

Be Blessed.

Love & Light,

Neecie

Debbie Downer

Hi Everyone,

Sorry for the break, I needed it.

I slept on and off all day Sunday and I made it to work yesterday and was actually OK but this lethargy I'm having is off the charts.

The meds I'm taking really worked last time around but this time...they have helped with the depression but yet, I'm still so tired and I have anxiety now; like, real anxiety where your heart just won't stop beating fast and you're in fight or flight mode.

I'm trying to find a bank that's open extra hours because I can't get to my bank ever, unless I take time off.

They aren't open on the weekends either.

I have cash and I need to pay my electric bill but no damn way to make it to the bank.

It's frustrating.

There's always some challenge, which drives me cuckoo.

How about no challenges for a bit?

Anyways, I'm OK, just trying to figure things out. I have to get gas this morning, ugh.

Literally, always something.

I'm just bitching. I will do all these things. I will figure them out.

Just so tired.

So, so tired.

Anyways, here's my latest affirmation, which not surprisingly...is that I can overcome any challenge.

Thanks for watching. I look like a dumkopf.

Have a great day you guys.

Be Blessed.

Love & Light,

Neecie

The Universe Likes Me

 Hello All Y’all,

My God, happy Friday!!

I worked hard to get here this week. It’s probably a good thing. I didn’t write this blog earlier this morning.

I have no idea how much sleep I got because I think my Fitbit is pooping out and yes, I had put the damn thing back on.

This would be a prime example of the universe doing for me what I cannot.

I will not be purchasing another.

I have no idea how I slept last night. I woke up probably around two and was restless the rest of the night. I had forgotten to set my alarm, but thankfully, I woke up before six.

The universe continues to give me messages of hope. Yesterday, on the way to work, I saw a swan again in flight. And I thought of my mama.

Again, this month I had no idea how I was going to make rent. And again, someone surprised me without asking, and without writing about it anywhere, with a gift of money.

It was a gift, I was not asked to return it.

And that my friends, is humbling. I really truly believe with all my heart that the only reason these little miracles are happening for me, and actually, I shouldn’t call them little because they are all huge, is because I’m finally trying to do the right thing financially.

Things were to the point where I was going to apply for another loan, just a small one, but still, it would’ve meant more coming out of the budget.

And at least for this month, at this time, I do not have to do so.

And while I am still smoking, I am smoking because someone gifted me a carton of cigarettes. Again, without me asking.

Haven’t gone through all the doctors visits and tests, etc., I do know that it’s time.

It’s time to put those motherfuckers down for good.

So I sit in gratitude right now and faith once again. This gift came after I had decided not to do the loan application. I was going to try to figure something out, but the universe took care of me and the person who gifted me this took care of me. 

God, for the gods, or the universe, or whatever the collective consciousness is, continues to provide.

And I am grateful.

TGIF!!

Enjoy your day.

Be Blessed.

Love & Light,

Neecie