In spite of me not mentioning this, I actually did have a good week. Yeah, sleep was an issue some of the days that's the norm, right? Yeah, my boss pissed me off a few times but that's the norm right?
What was different about this week?
I actually applied myself. And I've been tracking everything I do...like I get in at 8:00 and I write down 8:00: Got the leads going, set up appointments, made packets, 9:30: Made calls, responded to emails and texts, 10:15: Entered quotes, etc.
And I announced yesterday that I hoped both my boss and the owner saw the change.
So I guess we'll see.
Because I was so on top of things, I will be caught up with everything within my first two hours, leaving time for my boss to show me something new.
And we shall see.
Because they gave me one week to turn this shit around, and I did it in 4 days.
And if they do fire me today, then I know I tried. Like, 100% tried and if that's not good enough for them, then I shouldn't be there anyways.
Turns out I am a strong girl.
A couple things kept me from walking out of this one:
The previous 5.5 months and what I went through
My sister helped me with some things and I will NOT shit all over that
Others helped me with some things during that period and I'm not gonna shit all over that either
I guess...I guess I just care now and while my plan is to eventually leave this job, I genuinely want to know I tried, I want to be able to walk away with no anger, blame, resentment, shame or guilt.
Anger, resentment, shame and guilt are things I don't do anymore.
Yeah, I get mad about stuff but I am able, through practicing meditation - I truly believe this has made all the difference for me - to see things realistically.
Sadly, seeing things realistically has also shown me other things too. When you become quiet, when you really pay attention and listen and you realize that some things are incredibly hurtful and toxic...you don't have to engage in that and if it continues, I mean...sometimes you have to say enough and I'm done and gently remove people, places and things from your life.
Peace.
Inner peace.
Personal peace.
When you do things genuinely and you remove your own toxicity from a situation, it's amazing how the Universe provides. That 5.5 months I wasn't working? Fucking miracles happened. And I didn't ask for a single one of them, they just came.
And my YouTube channel? I've gained 13 subscribers in under a month...I'm getting likes and comments and that's by just being genuine and sharing. No one is more surprised than I am.
In the scheme of things these are small measures but they mean everything to me.
And so...on with my day.
We will see what today brings.
I am going to be blunt at work, I was yesterday, I totally tooted my own horn and I let them know I felt good about my work and my efforts this week so we'll see what they say today, or if they say anything at all.
If they don't say anything, I've already decided that I'm going to ask if they want me to come back next week.
If they do, then I'll let this go and let me work speak for me.
I flexed mind muscles I didn't even know I had this week. I think it's OK to feel good about that.
So I mean, there it is.
I got this.
I'll let you all know what happens when I write tomorrow. I have a phone date with a friend at 8:30AM and I hope to get up and knock shit out before that call happens but we shall see what this day brings and this night in terms of sleep.
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