Acceptance & Not Knowing

Hi everyone,

How y’all doing today? Ready for Christmas?

I honestly am not even thinking about it. We did not even decorate this year because if we end up having to move out quickly, I realized like that’s just more we have to pack. Better that it’s already packed now.

But I think tonight, I will allow myself to watch a Christmas movie. Traditionally, I love to celebrate this whole season, pretty much from the fall equinox through New Year’s. But obviously, there has been an enormous amount of stress and anxiety, and I just couldn’t do it. I’m not all bah humbug, But I’m just sort of doing the best I can each day to make changes that’ll bring us into abundance once I either find a job or go back to the other one.

I don’t want to move. We have nowhere to go.

So I tried to walk in this weird space of acceptance and not knowing what will happen but having faith that all will be well.

I had a great day yesterday. I pushed myself. Because I was able to grocery shop, I made us a good dinner. I did job search and I applied for some jobs. I exercised and I cleaned a bit.

I have noticed something finally about my sleep, which is bizarre but it makes sense I guess. I have been making a concerted effort to drink enough water each day. When I do this, I do wake up and have to go to the bathroom, but I generally go right back to sleep and for the last two nights, I have slept for seven hours or more. I’ll take it!

I’m really proud of myself in regards to the target gift card I got from Santa. I did not buy one want item, I got the medicine for my acid reflux and food and that was it.

I will admit to going to cub foods, which is the big grocery chain out here in Minnesota and getting some fennel. Fresh fennel. I needed it for a sheet pan dinner I made yesterday.

It was so nice to sit down to an actual meal. Today I’m making beef stew.

So yummy. And I felt very grateful as I was eating it. One of the things I’m trying to work on is my relationship with food. It’s a little bit daunting because we’re so at the mercy of what the hell are we gonna eat each day, but this gift card gave me a little leeway this week at least.

It was really hard but last night, I said yes to myself by not giving in and picking out before I went to bed. Now you’re probably asking well if you don’t have any food, how can you pick out before bedtime? Oh believe me. I eat bizarre shit, it’s not like we’re living high on the hog and so whatever is here, I will eat and just shove into my mouth. But I did not do that yesterday and it felt wonderful. 

My IBS is better today as a result as well.

So I'm just gonna try my best to get some things, including job search again, done.

And we'll go from there.

I hope you all have an amazing day.

Be Blessed.

Love & Light,

Neecie