No Coincidences

Hello there,

I started this post yesterday. 

So one of the things I did last week was set up my checking account so no payments could through even if they were 1cents under but somehow my loan payment went through which means a ton of things are going to overdraft.

I want to freak out and I want to numb out somehow.

I want to feel sorry for myself so let’s just do that for a moment and get it over with. Why me? I’m fucking trying here. Is the Universe out to get me? Why can’t this be over? I’ve already acclimated to so much that goes against what I had hoped. Fuck.My.Life.

And now the solution. Suck it up buttercup. Don’t lay down, don’t stop what you’re trying to do today. Before this happened, I saw another cardinal. Believe. Have faith.

But stay firmly planted in reality.

Breath deep. Keep going. I do have some cash so I can get gas and garbage bags.

I need both.

Exercise is free.

Trump isn’t yet charging us for the air we breathe.

Ok. Yeah, keep going even if you have to cry through it.

Ok, now we are at today. I made it through yesterday. Things slowed down quite a bit for me but I did keep going and believe it or not, I did not let that ruin my day.

I got my bathroom and bedroom cleaned. I spent time with my oldest daughter. Those moments, time with my kids, I cherish.

You guys, I slept for 10 hours last night. Yes, I took the hydroxyzine.

But just...wow.

Today I'm gonna shoot for cleaning the rest of the apartment, for getting some food because someone who loves me sent me some $$ for this week.

I'm going to make a call today about getting an co-signer for the bankruptcy payment plan, It's luckily very small with no interest so I am hoping someone will say yes to doing that for me. This has to happen asap so the loan payments stop. I won't be able to pay rent with this.

I'm also going to apply for some more part time jobs.

And maybe dye my hair.

So much gray.

And my gray? Yeah, it's not beautiful.

Something weird happened today. A fellow tenant here where I live approached me about my smoking. He vapes. But he wanted to share how he switched over and how much less it costs...now, I won't go that route. I want to quit. I don't want to trade one expense for another even if it's less but that was very kind of him.

However, we had quite the chat and this guy? He's spooky smart with computers, websites, manufacturing, 3D printing and he told me...if I ever need customized molds for my bathbombs...he can make them for me.

You guys, it would be HUGE to have something that no one else has.

I'm not saying I'm going to jump in and offer him $$ to make something now but there are no coincidences. None.

I keep saying to Dad, show me. Show me this plan you had for me in the dream and I don't look away from anything now because I might miss something.

This is fucking huge.

Also, clearly, Dad was sending a message about smoking too.

I need to calm down though, because my mind is racing...of course my mind is racing; it's what it does.

So chill and let's get on with the day, shall we?

This week, my intentions are to find a co-signer, file the bankruptcy, get some small form of exercise everyday, work on my sleep and get the apartment cleaned and reorganized...again.

I did get rid of one bag of clothes yesterday and my daughter is having a little garage sale so I got some throw pillows to her for that sale...I had so many on my bed, it was ridiculous.

I want less now...I don't need probably 25% of the shit that is here.

Ok, I'm out for the day.

I hope you all have a great one.

Be Blessed.

Love & Light,

Neecie