Shit Has to Stop

 

Hey Everyone,

So. I am...I need to get myself together. No more fucking politics and I deactivated my facebook account. So if you find this blog, great. I am prepared for my stats to drop way down.

After writing this, I am going to get rid of most of my former posts.

God, I used to love to be seen. Not so much anymore.

I'm pissed, I'm angry a lot and I give in to fear. Like, my health is shit right now. I've gained weight, I have a persistent, nagging cough, my ears hurt all the time, my body hurts. I had such bad pain in one area of my mid-back yesterday, that I couldn't do anything.

This shit has to stop. So I deactivated.

I will come back when I hit two more goals on my weightloss, when I have quit smoking and when I feel mentally stronger.

People are vile.

Not all people but I have some of the viles on my page and I'm gonna delete them when I get back. I didn't want to have to do that but I think I'm gonna have to.

But my friends get me riled up too, with the shit they post and here is me, miss trying to live a life of calm and I lost my shit yesterday. Turns out I'm still reactive. 

It was just a bad day. I still have pain in my side/back. I'm gonna go over to the gym and sit in one of the massage chairs. I rejoined because with this contract job, I was hopeful I'd start going. I'm going to go now. 

Here are the guidelines I've set for myself in terms of reactivating:

1. I must have reached my next weightloss goal, which means that I can't back on until I weight 157lbs or less
2. I must have meditated and said my affirmations daily for at least 30 days in a row. If I miss one, I start over again.
3. I must've gone out and done something fun, something different than the norm, at least 4 times. I know that doesn't sound like much, but I don't do shit anymore.
4. I must've found a permanent job, with benefits and had a checkup.
5. I must've quit smoking for at least one month.
6. I must've been working on my relationship between food and mental health.
7. I must've gone on at least 20 walks in a 30 day period.
8. I must've gone to the gym at least 3 times per week, consecutively for at least a month
9. I must've had at least one bath bomb sale
10. I must've done one major thing for Willow's Whimsy whether it be me getting my LLC, ordering labels, like....whatever.
11. I must've created a new intro video for my YouTube channel and posted at least 2 regular videos.
12. I must've made a consistent, concerted effort to work on my sleep issues.

There.

It's a lot but my life is shit right now and I can't go on this way much longer. I let things go. I wasn't vigilant. I let the lazy Denise take over and now...I gotta fight to get her back.

I thought my Willow's Whimsy would stay open when I deactivated because I do have my Denise Johnson account but it doesn't look like I can access anything from that one...I must've changed it.

The goal is to stay off my Dighty Jo account and to access the Denise Johnson only to try and get access to my WW page. I did keep messenger open so I can participate in monthly calls I have set up with people.

As for what I wrote about yesterday...do you. Do what you have to, to be ok. 

Fuck 'em, just fuck 'em all.

I gotta take care of me.

Have a great day. 

Be Blessed.

Love and Light,

Neecie

I'm still going to work on fear and how to walk through it.

So, on with my day.