Janis

 Good Morning,

Oh for the love of God, I have to poop again. How quickly my IBS returns when I start eating like a pig again.

Geez, that’s number 3, albeit the first one at work.

I’m already looking forward to being done for 2 days.

The gratitude remains, I am grateful. This job is getting the bills paid. I can’t wait to find something closer, something that will allow me not to be in the car for so damn long and give me more time in the mornings.

Mornings have become difficult this week.

My daughter made dinner last night and I am so grateful for that. I did not want to cook. Our kitchen looks like it blew up again but she did do the dishes. 

I did more this morning and got the dishwasher loaded and going and put some things away. It’s really always the kitchen that is the worst.

I’m thinking about Janis Joplin this morning. I’m thinking about her saying that if you got it today, don’t wear it tomorrow.

I have so much shit you guys.

If we take a walk down memory lane, I can tell you that anything my sister used to say to me, I made it an insult; like oh she’s judging me, oh she doesn’t understand.

I so do not think that anymore.

I bring this up because of the Pierre purchase thing. You know what I realized on the way to work? You never really know you have a problem with something until you try to change it.

I have had various things in my Amazon cart all week. I have taken almost all of them out. The things that remain, I have not purchased. I question everything and maybe that’s one of the reasons I’m struggling. I’m giving up a habit. The habit of just impulsively purchasing anything I want or think I need. If I think it’s a need, I question it.

I’ve also been thinking about all the things I want to be doing; rollerskating lessons, knitting lessons, traveling.

I can’t do them if the spending doesn’t change.

I have massive debt because I lived on credit cards for a couple months.

It’s OK. I have this job, I’m paying that shit down. My goal is to have literally everything other than the loan I took out paid off in 6 months. I want half of the loan paid off by the end of 2025. Then I will refinance so I have a lower payment.

I am just so thankful that so far, I have been able to make all payments.

I don’t have much $$ in checking but I do in savings. I’m on track to pay all bills and rent for March.

Good things.

They are great things, marvelous things.

But not giving in to my whims, ugh, it’s fucking with me and it will until this becomes the norm and impulsive spending is not. 

My brain will be rewired and ready for other changes.

And bringing it back to Janis; like I said I have all this shit, shit I thought I had to have and I don’t even fucking use it. I also have things people have gifted me. And I don’t use them either. 

If you got it today, don’t wear it tomorrow.

My amazon prime is coming due. I think I’m going to cancel it and see how long I can go without it. We tell ourselves lies, don’t we? Well, it’s convenient, well, they pretty much have everything, well, I don’t have to go anywhere to purchase it, well…bla bla bla.

I’m gonna see if I can go until the end of 2025 without it.

There are some convenient things I get every month like my vitamins. But I will search for other options, maybe go to the actual website of some of these things and see if I can get them that way.

I tell myself that Amazon is a need but it is not.

I just did it, I fucking did it. See ya!!

I just saved $139.00 dollars.

Ok, so that’s gonna hurt, maybe, I don’t know. I did it and that’s what counts.

I know I mentioned that I am doing this affirmation thing? I did it again in the car on the way to work this morning. I follow this up by saying my morning prayers. I hate that word. What’s a word I would like better? Hmmm. Thesaurus.com time. I like invocation. My morning invocations or my morning songs, even though I don’t sing them. 

I’ll let you know at the end of the month, because that’s how long I’m doing this for, at least for now, unless they work, how this goes and if I notice a difference.  Supposedly, it takes anywhere from 18-254 days to form a new habit. For the affirmation experiment, I’m going for one month; just to see if I feel and think differently and thus act differently. I do not expect this to be life changing, I just know that if I can:

A.      Go through with it, I’ve proven I can follow through with something

B.      Change my attitude, I may be more willing to make other changes

C.     Believe the things I say in the affirmations and thus feel better about life in general

So there you have it, that’s what I have today.

I’m feeling a bit ball buster-ish but whatever, I did a few good things already. Cleaned the dishes, picked up the kitchen, said my affirmations, canceled my Amazon account and wrote this blog.

Have a great Friday.

Be Blessed.

Love & Light,

Neecie