Self-Acceptance

 

Good Morning!

Man, my body is not wanting to go to sleep early. It's been 11 or 12. The midnight hour so to speak.

But I feel ok today. I slept til 8. Who knows what that means in terms of actual sleep.

I do have a list, more or less. Because there is a lot to get done.

And I'll tell you all about that tomorrow.

I applied for a ton of jobs yesterday. So many.

Fingers crossed.

I also went and saw my former roommate. He called to tell me Santa had stopped by so my daughter and I went over there on our way to bring her to work. We had enough time to sit down and visit with him. He'll be starting chemo and radiation soon.

It's scary but he does have a very good prognosis.

It was good to see him.

He's such a kind, funny, generous human being.

And yeah, it was mostly job search.

I want the house cleaned today. I have a project to work on. I am going to wrap my products and get them up on FB. It's late and I know that but any $$ I can bring in right now is a good, good thing.

I had to let go of the worry about rent because everytime I thought about it, I could feel that cortisol drop in my gut and that's just not healthy.

It'll be what it'll be.

I really don't know what else to say.

The depression is not better but I'm trying to push through because I don't have any time to fuck around with it.

Yeah, so cleaning, project and products.

If I have time, I'd like to do ritual as it's the Solstice today. Ritual for this sabbat include focusing on what we want to bring to our lives as the sun returns. The new God has been born and with him, he brings the light.

And grocery shop and there you have it.

So let's get this party started. I am trying to focus on self-acceptance, which is a bit different than self-esteem. Self acceptance means you face yourself, or meet yourself, as I have been writing about and you accept it all, the good, the bad, the pretty and the ugly.

It doesn't mean there's no room for growth or change but how can you even know what needs to change if you don't meet yourself. It's not meant to attach shame or self-loathing too. It's just self-acceptance.

Nothing up to this very moment can be changed. 

In the Big Book of AA, it talks about acceptance and this is what it says.

“Acceptance is the answer to all my problems today. When I am disturbed, it is because I find some person, place, thing or situation—some fact of my life—unacceptable to me, and I can find no serenity until I accept that person, place, thing or situation as being exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment. Nothing, absolutely nothing, happens in God’s world by mistake. Until I could accept my alcoholism, I could not stay sober; unless I accept life completely on life’s terms, I cannot be happy. I need to concentrate not so much on what needs to be changed in the world as on what needs to be changed in me and my attitudes.”

This is one of my favorite quotes. Many middle eastern guru's speak on this too, this concept of acceptance. 

It doesn't mean passively accepting negative situations, but rather acknowledging them without resistance and focusing on what can be changed within oneself. 

Acceptance doesn't mean we have to like it, we just accept that it is what it is and you know, I have found when I do that, when I shake all that other bullshit off, in any situation, literally, and I accept it, I am better able to see the solution, the way forward. How can I know what to change if I deny the reality? It's more like an accounting. Debits and credits and how do I work on those debits so that more of the credits come through? More abundance and happiness come through?

And it's like that in the way we view ourselves because I am jury, judge and executioner when it comes to my view of myself. And that's fucked up. There are so many good things about me. But I forget them.

I'm not happy with many of the conclusions I have come to about myself but I can see now that there is hope for change and growth. I'm still north of the earth and every day is a chance to make these changes.

And once again, the why doesn't matter for me. I chased the why well into my 40s and I have given up on the why. Who fucking cares why. The fact is, here we are. What are we gonna do about it?

And I think that may be part of my ritual tonight.

Alright, well loves, I'm out. I hope you have a good day.

If it's sunny, go out and walk in that shit, even if it's cold. 

I hope you have a great day.

Be Blessed.

Love & Light,

Neecie