Fighting the Fat

 

Good Morning,

You guys, I got on the scale this morning. I should not have done that. What the actual fuck? How can someone gain that much weight that quickly? It's always been like that with me. My body wants me fat.

I, however, do not want me fat.

I woke up before 5 this morning, having gone to bed before 9 last night. So I took a shower because I literally stunk and then I went for a 20 minute walk through the hallways of my apartment. They have cameras. If I continue to do this every morning, I'm sure I'll eventually get a call asking me what I'm doing and I shall simply say, "I'm fighting the fat, fuckers."

Yeah!

So I'm starting my day with almost 3000 steps in.

Way to go fat girl.

Jeez.

I know, that's not nice. 

You guys, I am so tired when I come home. So tired.

I can barely move. 

This always happens, it's part of a pattern but I'm 57 now too.

I don't know man. I always say life is a balance and that balance is an illusion but seriously...I need to find some.

I remain grateful for this job I'm at currently.

I do know that the drive kicks my ass. I mean, this job is a great opportunity to sortof find my place in working. I now know that a 45 minute drive isn't for me. This doesn't mean I'm going back to only wanting to work in Anoka County. While Plymouth is too far, I would consider Maple Grove or Osseo. Those are doable.

But yeah, Plymouth is not.

And no matter what, I need to learn to plow through at least one thing each evening so I can feel like I accomplished something, that other parts of my life still matter and and that I am still working towards my goal of being self-employed. 

One thing I haven't had time to do in the mornings, is meditate. But I do the affirmations I wrote about yesterday in the car every morning and maybe I can force myself to meditate when I get home in front of my happy light.

And how do I pick each night, what I'm going to do? Because it all needs to get done.

Perhaps some silent time in the car will bring some clarity.

I have stuff to do at work today. It should take me through today and tomorrow so that's awesome. No need to fill the time with "other."

So my day should go well.

I hope yours does too.

Be Blessed.

Love & Light,

Neecie