Control

 Hi Guys,

How is everyone doing? Only two more wake up days, lol. I have still not heard on the permanent job I interviewed for but I am hopeful. I check everyday to see if I have been turned down. The county I interviewed with has a candidate site that you can track your progress on.

And as of just now, I’m still being considered.

Fingers crossed.

I know that if I don’t get it, there is a reason and it’ll be OK to be disappointed but the show must go on.

This job I’m at now, it’s hard. It’s hard in the sense that I tend to get the tasks assigned to me, done relatively quickly. 

And that leaves all this time. My oldest daughter called me yesterday and she said that she has the same problem and we laughed because you know, you can’t sit there and be on the web, right? Looking at all sorts of stuff because they track that. So you put your earbuds in and you watch movies or videos, listen to music.

Anything to fill the time.

But the work itself? I get it done. For the most part, I get it done correctly. And it’s not even that I do anything wrong or incorrectly, it just needs to be fine tuned, which is A-OK with me because I learn in the process.

I don’t take this personally anymore. It’s not a criticism, it’s an opportunity to learn.

So that has changed.

And I’m grateful for that.

I do want to talk a bit about the current state of the world.

So many people are going off of facebook, refusing to put anything out there anymore, so many people are afraid.

I don’t know why, but I am not. I suppose that may change if the things happening affect me personally or affect anyone I love but you guys, I simply refuse to live my life in fear. It’s a waste of time.

All I can do is to focus on the now. And right now, my bills are paid, I have money in savings for rent in March, I have food, I have a car and it is gassed up. I have warm clothes on. My children are alive and well. My sisters are alive and well. My mom is alive and well. My friends are alive and well.

And what I mean by well is that no one is frozen in fear. No matter what we think or feel about the world right now; we are all working, we are all doing the deal so to speak.

I can look at what I have control over right now and right now, I have control over whether I come into work or not, I have control over my spending, I have control over my choice to exercise or not to. I have control over who I choose to love and engage with. 

I have no control over our president, our government, Elon Musk, none of it. No control.

I have theories.

But other than that, all I can do is to live the best possible life I can today and to read as much as I can without letting it affect me and try and see if any actions are being taken or if the time has come to get involved somehow.

I tell the Universe everyday, “show me.”

Last night was not a bad night for me, but I was exhausted. I made dinner for my daughter and myself and I took her to do a pickup at Target but honestly, that was it.

I was in bed before 9.

Because I ate a pretty big dinner, it is a pooping morning for me. Right when I got up and shortly after and once so far at work.

Someone else is having a pooping morning as evidenced by what I smelled and saw in the bathroom.

I shall spare you the gruesome details.

I have also started doing this affirmation thing each morning on my drive to work. I found it on YouTube and it’s 16 minutes of affirmations, she says them twice and then I repeat it out loud. And then she repeats the cycle. 16 minutes total.

In theory, when you do this everyday without fail, you start to rewire your brain. And I do believe this. And I am at the point where it’s not just about money and behaving and saving and being responsible with it, it’s about all of it.

I am at a point where I just want to look at everything as a possibility, as a chance to grow and learn, as an opportunity and from a positive perspective, both how I see and feel about the world, but also myself.

I am fasting today. Trying to get myself back on track with this whole eating and exercising thing. I can do this. It’s only one day. 

Alright, well, I hope you all have an amazing day. Remember! Only two more wake up days.

Be Blessed.

Love & Light, 
Neecie