Make It So

 Good Morning,

You know, since not working, Saturday's just don't feel like Saturday's anymore. 

But I'm running with it.

I had a good, steady day yesterday. I applied for a few jobs, I cleaned a bit, I meal planned and grocery shopped.

Obviously, I blogged. I can't think of everything else right now but yeah...it was good.

The panic is wanting to set back in and immobilize me again but I'm not letting it.

Stay positive girlie.

I am going ice skating with my son and his girl this morning and then I'm gonna come back and finish cleaning, make myself something to eat. 

I am trying, without much success, to stay the hell off my phone, especially before bed time. I googled feel good books because I can't read hard, sad stuff right now. I was hoping half price books had some of them but they don't.

I only want to read before bedtime. I want that to be part of my bedtime ritual if that makes sense. Ha! "Studies show" that people who read before they go to sleep, as opposed to those who hang out on their phone or read on their phone, sleep better.

I am out of the stuff prescribed for sleep so I have to really dedicate myself to the things that can help. I'm trying to not even give it too much thought, or I'll stress myself out into no sleep again.

But for today, I really want to journal and read my DBT stuff. I also got a list of resources from my case manager for therapy. She's going to call Anoka County on Monday to push them to get my MA going. That'll make things much better. I think I am going to get the sleeping pill prescription as well and just use it on those nights I wake up and it's clear I can't get back to sleep without help.

So a chill day.

But yes, job search too. Not as much goes up on the weekends but some does so I want to be on top of that.

And of course, later, bougie bath.

I am trying to do the one day at a time thing.

I still struggle with all I want to get done in spite of the fact that job search should be my number one priority. 

Exercise, my head says.

No, job search.

Clean your apartment, my head says.

No, job search.

Journal, my head says.

No, job search.

Sit here and do nothing, my head says.

NO...no. Job search.

The struggle is real.

I am sensing that relief is in sight.

And the chance to really change things will come with that.

Make it so.

Have a great day.

Be Blessed.

Love & Light,

Neecie