Ok.
I feel that I have been dilly dallying again, allowing myself not to push myself. Nor have I given great weight to doing the things that help me. So I meditated this morning. I took a shower and I put a wee bit of makeup on because I might have an interview today, waiting to hear.
It’s another longterm bad boy but it has the potential to go perm and after 90 days, I would have the option of working remotely 1 or 2 times a week.
I will be very honest. I don’t want a long term job there. I need benefits, good ones so yeah, I will take this job if offered it, but I will be a fucking rock star baller motherfucker at finding a permanent landing.
This new possibility is in the elderly care field, although not a nursing home or elderly care situation. I would be removed from that. I’d be in a business setting as opposed to the actual care site.
If there is one thing I learned, I don’t ever want to work in one of those settings ever again. I have worked in two of them now and had experience with the other two that mom stayed in.
Never again.
They suck. They are all about money, namely your parents hard earned money and they can’t meet their promises, they don’t even try but they will bold faced look you in the eye and make those promises.
So no way. Just no fucking way.
Hi Ireland, Sweden and England. Thank you for coming here and reading my blog and showing it support. Oddly enough, my ancestry includes all 3 of those areas.
I’m proud of that. I’m a wee tiny bit Finlander as well…well, there were several things actually but the 3 biggies were named above.
I’ve been reading up a ton on Ireland of late; economy, crime rates, where do they stand on diversity, all of that.
I’m getting my passport soon and I’ve never had one and Ireland is on my list for several reasons. Anywhere I go at this point is for several reasons, not just to visit but to really dig deep into the land and the people and see if I would consider spending the rest of my life in one of these places.
Nothing is set in stone at this point, just curious is all.
And want to be armed with all the facts.
You know, I posted this rant about zombies this morning on my facebook page.
I’ve talked a little bit about it over here. The fucking loud mouths over on FB spewing fear. I also see bullying and unkindness. I see promotion of violence against others.
And sad to say, I see this shit on both sides.
Don’t worry, I’m not gonna dig deep here and promote the same. It’s so fucking stupid.
But I did decide, this fear thing? I am going to start posting but very generic way and with advice I feel is warranted. Will it make a difference? No, lol. I’m not that fucking egotistical.
But I’ll do that so I don’t feel my voice has been silenced but also…I’ll take my own advice.
Fear comes being afraid of losing something and it includes the whole gambit. We fear:
· Losing our rights: Too many to write out, but whatever applies for you…Examples are:
o The right to practice your faith
o The right to choose
o The right to honest education
o The right to say whatever the fuck you want to
o Etc. Etc. Etc.
· Loss of life
· Violence
· Humiliation
· Loss of wealth, power or prestige
· Loss of sex
· Loss of freedom
· Loss of a partner
· Loss of our children
· Loss of a friendship
· Loss of possessions
· Loss of property
· Loss of a job
· Loss of self
· Fear of the unknown
The things we covet the most, are the things we have fear of losing. And I use the word covet lightly here.
Covet…is not a word I find to be positive. Although we can covet anything, perhaps that word best fits into the wealth, power, prestige.
You get what I’m saying though.
I in no way mean to suggest that we will never experience fear. Fear is normal. What is harmful, is when we live in it, when we can’t face it, when we dance around it and become something we don’t want to be in order to maintain the natural order, whatever that is for each of us.
Fear.
I have faced many things in my life. And the funny thing is, when you look fear squarely in the eye, it’s very rarely a big ole’ boogeyman. Looking at fear diminishes it. Walking through it is even better. It makes it go away. Living in fear has repercussions physically, mentally and spiritually. I would argue that there is a way through anything.
Although some humans are more animalistic in their willingness to do whatever it takes to remain in power or hold on to their wealth and feed their ego with control over others, I would like to think there is an equal amount of who just want to love who we love, openly and treat others with love and approach our lives from a point of love.
The sad thing is that fearful little people, follow the big fearful people because of their perceived power.
All bullies come from a place of insecurity.
Do not become a bully. Treat even your enemies with kindness, even if they don’t deserve it. I struggle with wishing some people in power right now, dead. Done, finito.
So I’m part of the problem but geez…it’s a conundrum. I do pray for them. I pray that the Gods, Goddesses, God, Jesus, Allah, whoever the fuck touch their hearts and mark them in love so that they can be of benefit to the greater good instead of selfish A-tards.
But still that fear.
What is unknown is unknown. What will be is unknown. I simply have no control over the unknown. But I can prepare myself for certain outcomes. I cannot and will not live from a place of fear lest I become like the bullies.
Strengthen yourself. Face one fear today. I have fear of two things today:
1. That I won’t get a call about this interview for another possible contract job.
2. That I’ll be lazy again tonight and not get anything done.
And so, how do I flex my face the fear muscles?
If I don’t get a call by the time I leave today, I will call the recruiter and ask for an update.
I will make a manageable list, I promise,it will be manageable and I will hit it tonight.
A good warrior faces their internal demons before they face the real life ones.
Pick a fear and run with it.
I used to call all my internal bullshit my “monster”.
Now, because all that bullshit is multi-faceted, I call it The Weirdos.
I actually like the weirdos and I’ll write about them in greater detail at some point.
I am not afraid of The Weirdos but I used to be absolutely terrified of my monster.
And guess what? We all have weirdos. Even orange men, especially orange men. And sadly, some humans are simply born defective. The defective ones are not who you think they are either. The defective ones are the Ted Bundy’s, the Jeffrey Dahmer’s, etc. It’s not who you think. Because one of the ones who may immediately come to mind is a child; an insecure child. And he became a bully. His weirdos have one helluva hold on him. Nowwwww….some of the ones he has around him…defects.
But they can be dealt with too. We’re not there yet. I pray with everything I have, that we will never be there. Time will tell.
But the big kahuna? A testy, insecure, daddy issues little baby.
Doesn’t mean he isn’t dangerous though.
Still.
What do you personally have control over right now? Today? I can almost 100% of my shit.
Anyone else’s, nada.
So let’s work on fear this next week shall we?
One does not become strong in anything if one does not flex the corresponding muscle. Fear is an emotion so it must be faced with lack of emotion, it must be faced with curiosity, a bit of courage and a desire for knowledge and understanding. Once we understand something, we are very rarely still afraid of it.
Fear. For the next week, let’s talk about fear. Then we shall move on. I’ve got a plan here. And if I’m the only one who learns from my blog, that’s OK.
My regular blog will continue but I’ll be addressing fear somewhere in each blog.
Make this day your own.
I’m not gonna say make it your bitch because I will save the word for when it’s appropriate. Believe me, there are times it’s appropriate.
Taking the power out of that one right here and now.
Be Blessed.
Love and Light,
Neecie
No comments:
Post a Comment